NOTE: I had originally posted this as just the first stanza and thought i should expand on it more so that's what I did for this post, it is still in the rough draft stage so by all means tear it apart!
Thoughts blooming like a lotus;
Full of compassion and beauty,
Grow, seeded in the abysmal chasm
Understood to be the mind,
Dominating darkness to see the light of life.
Luminescent with the energy of a cloudless day
The imagination knows no limits...
Even when the soul is numb, that lotus still blooms –
Using the body as a mere vehicle: a mirror of the psyche,
More pure in its native form than light itself.
All in the mind, a world is founded.
Located on the pedal of a lotus, the entire spectrum
Blends and swirls into every object.
Bending time and space, creating matter
With the pure will of the spirit.
Its existence is challenged by the numbness
Others bring to the table –
A lack of creativity brings forth Doubt,
For the blind cannot see:
Ruling this domain, without the lift of a finger,
Nothing stands in the way – nothing can pose a threat.
When Darkness invades; the absence of light:
An implosion of imagination – a black hole.
The vortex consumes all that it desires,
Replacing it with fear and hate.
Strong is the will is Evil, strong is all the hate and fear
And Darkness that now covers the land.
With Ying, also comes yang –
The eternal internal struggle
Confuses the polarity of your moral compass;
Constantly shifting causing the mind
To move in one continuous circle.
The essence of the animus,
Both warm and chilled, is a friend and an enemy.
Emerges through the numbing void;
The paradigm of compassion and purity –
A lighthouse on the shore,
Restoring all that once was.
The color the beauty that once was
Rises to the surface again. Blending the spectrum
In new ways, learning from the past, the mind now sees…
A world nulled of evil cannot exist, for it shall always return --
The ebb and flow, the push and pull of the Universe.
A new Kingdom has come,
A new time, a new reign of power.
The time of Imagination;
The mind sees – sees and understands,
Unlocking an entirely new world of possibilities…
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,026 Literary Works • 672,885 Reviews
I liked this one, if at all possible, more than the last one, I think. It was very thought- out and being into philosophy myself I have yummy bits of phrases now to place beneath the Plato Vs.Socrates mat in my brain, he he! I think imagination is so vital to being a writer, whether you write novels, poems, science textbooks or advertisements, creativity is the way of words and words are the way of the world. No wonder Writer's rock! Sorry Itook so long, but great story!
Keep writing!
Hello!
I am here by all means to tear this apart. JOKING!
And I would have a hard job, because I really liked it. ♥
I think the language is all very philosophical but it works well.
It's difficult to critique a piece like this because it is so subjective, the very topic of the imagination is obviously relative to each person.
I do find myself agreeing with some of your points, such as :
'An implosion of imagination – a black hole.
The vortex consumes all that it desires,'
Some really interesting points.
Some really interesting language.
Overall, a very provocative piece.
Nice work.
Thank you very much for the review I suppose you could say I finally put my Philosophy major to use with this poem! I'm gad you enjoyed it and thank you again for reading!
Cheers!
Graham
Hello my fellow writing friend! It's blimeylimey217 here for a little review!
Keep up the good work!
First of all, I really enjoyed this poem! The subject of the poem, the imagination, is one that I really loved! Good job on the description! I don't think I could have done any better!
Secondly, the vocabulary in the poem was very thoughtful and deep! I thought you did an excellent job on the vocabulary!
Thirdly, the rhythm was a little weak.... With more rhyme, the rhythm would've been easier to follow! Since you didn't use any rhyme, I think you did a fabulous job!
To sum it all up, I really enjoyed your poem! You're an excellent writer and I look forward to reading more of your works!
Thank you very much for the review! As for the rhythm, I am not a huge fan of rhyming at least when I do it, I feel like it adds kind of a childish feel to poetry that I usually don't go for so i tend to not really do a whole lot with strict rhythm keeping my poetry more free in a sense. But thank you again for the review and I am very glad you enjoyed reading!
Cheers!
Graham
Thoughts blooming like a lotus; (Alliteration. Some people hate it. I LOVE it. Bravo!
)
)
Full of compassion and beauty, (This is a little dull. Compassion and beauty are words that are used all the time, but I understand that you may not be able to find any better choices.)
Grow, seeded in the abysmal chasm (This is very poetic - the only thing that could be better is the verb "grow". It is very weak. I would replace it with "sprout", "spring", "rise", or something that implies growth.)
Understood to be the mind, (This makes me stop and think about what you mean. I really like it when a poem does that.)
Dominating darkness to see the light of life. (Alliteration again! And very well executed!)
Luminescent with the energy of a cloudless day (Your imagery is pristine.)
The imagination knows no limits... (More alliteration, along with stating that our imaginations are wider than the horizon. This is very good, you bring the main subject into the poem gradually.)
Even when the soul is numb, that lotus still blooms – (There isn't a real connection from the soul to a lotus. To stick with the metaphor, I would replace "soul" with "soil" and "numb" with "dry", but that is just my preference.)
Using the body as a mere vehicle: a mirror of the psyche, (YES! I totally agree with you!)
More pure in its native form than light itself. (Wonderful imagery.)
All in the mind, a world is founded. ("Founded" instead of "found". I love it.)
Located on the pedal of a lotus, the entire spectrum (You continue the metaphor - staying on topic, this is rare to find on writing websites.)
Blends and swirls into every object. (More imagery. Kind of reminds me of a slushie, I have no idea why.
Bending time and space, creating matter (I don't know if you know who the Doctor is, but this line reminds me of him.)
With the pure will of the spirit. (Suggesting that our brains are not as powerful as we think they are, but that the spirit is what drives our creativity and intelligence - Or, that is how I interpret it.)
Its existence is challenged by the numbness (Or "dryness", but again, that is just my preference.)
Others bring to the table – (A table? This is a little off the wall, but not so much that it devalues the poem.)
A lack of creativity brings forth Doubt, (Capitalisation for emphasis. I do this a lot. I think of it like making the concept a character, like giving it a name and a body. It is easier to defeat, or understand, that way.)
For the blind cannot see:
Ruling this domain, without the lift of a finger,
Nothing stands in the way – nothing can pose a threat. (These lines confused me a little, but I am sure that with further analysis, I'll understand.)
Unfortunately, I don't have time to review the whole poem, but as a whole I enjoyed it and I think it is very well written. You have a nice idea going, and I hope that you expand on it. The imagination is a miracle in and of itself, and understanding it is even more miraculous. I congratulate you for your theory, beautifully presented within this poem.
Thank you so much for this review! It is probably the best review I have ever gotten on here, I am definitely going to go through line by line and make some small changes so thank you so much for the suggestions!!
Sounds very interesting. I look forward to reading more of it!