Young Writers Society

Hi there FireSpyGirl. I love your avatar by the way!

Anyway, I’m here for a review. I really enjoyed the fact that you used your dream for an essay. I don’t think I’ve ever done something like it before, mostly because my teacher is more specific in what she wants the essay to be about. But I really think that when you write something that you have experienced, it’s a lot easier to come up with what to write next. Especially if you’re the type of person who’s not a fan of writing. Plus, plagiarism won’t be likely to occur. Like I said, this was a really well-written essay. I honestly hope you got a good grade on it.

So there a few things that I caught, but they’re really not a big deal. The first one is the first sentence. It says, “A dark room.” I think that since this was something that you were experiencing, to start it off, maybe try something like, “I was in a dark room.” then explain about what you felt. Was it hollow or scary? Cold and mysterious, as if you felt as if something was lurking in the shadows? That sort of stuff.

Then it says, “so why his he dreaming about her.” I think “his” is supposed to be, “is”.

Like i said, don’t worry. They’re not that big of a mistakes. So don’t wrap yourself around it too much. You did a really good job here. Your descriptive writing was really well. You showed what you heard, saw, touched and all the other things that require descriptive writing. So, I hope that you had gotten a good grade on this.

Now, for suggestions. I’m going to be completely honest with you. I don’t think there is nothing really much to suggest to you because you were spot on with what you were trining to accomplish here. There was such great details, and i loved it. I like it when a write adds in all the details. It makes the written work come to life, and that is what you did here. So really good job, and there is nothing that I can suggest except to keep on writing. I look forward to more of your work.

Btw, little question. dreams are the best way to tell what you’re really feeling and thinking. If you’re having a bad day, and you’re stressing about something, usually you could dream about having anxiety and pressure. Dreams help interpret what the dreamer is feeling, thinking, or something that they’re remembered and kept in their head. So, did you like see a horror move before having this dream or something? Or did you like, experience something that coud’ve possibly produced this kind of dream? Just curious. That’s all.

Happy writings!
~ your friend, Morgan

Hey FireSpyGirl! Zenith here for a short review.
This piece here is quite a description. You have used imagery, metaphor and other kinds of literary devices all of which have worked in harmony to make it worth a read overall. However, as 4revgreen mentioned, it has got a little too many 'i's. Sentences are starting with 'i' and even has that letter multiple times in between. So it would be great if you could work on that a bit. Also the story was quite well built up and I was really into it, until it kind of ended abruptly with just a bland statement that it was a nightmare. The ending was anticlimactic. So just do something about it. Reading your comments I came to know that this nightmare was a consequence of a movie. So maybe you could make your protagonist say something regarding that and could be a better ending to your work. If you understand what I mean. Otherwise I think it was great.
Keep writing!

It was so interesting, you can actually make a story out of it, if you want to that is.

Hey there!
So, I really liked the imagery that came across in the story/dream. It was very vivid and I could picture it very well!
However, so many sentences started with 'I' which ruined it a little for me. I've always hated when stories do that there are so many other ways to start sentences! That being said, the structure and sentences were otherwise very well done.
I would have liked a little more detailed description, perhaps longer more complex sentences about little details that are odd, making it more dream like?
Anyway, it was a fantastic piece and an interesting dream