Willow sighed as she sat upright. She stumbled to the bathroom and rubbed her bleary eyes. Her eyes were emphasized by the bags and dark circles underneath them. She’d had another nightmare, the same scene, same figure, same horrors. It was pretty much every night. Willow couldn’t figure out why, she was stressed, but working two jobs would do that to a person. Thankfully it was the weekend. She could catch up on sleep, relax and maybe get some studying done. She moved over to the window, peeking out the curtain. It was cloudy and slightly breezy. Willow filled a glass of water, wondering why she felt so tired and weak. Hopefully she wasn’t getting sick.
Laying back down, she pulled the covers up with a sigh. Sleep was supposed to be restful and an escape from the real world, but the horrors that awaited her made sleeping dreadful.
Willow gasped in fear, her heart pounding hard. She looked down, expecting it to break through her chest and fall onto the floor. Movement was out of the question, her body was paralyzed with an unknown fear. The room was dim, shadowy and cold. The air was so thick with anger, sadness, loneliness and fear that she could taste it. Something was coming, warping itself from the shadows. Wisps of fog starting swirling around her, voices echoing.
“Memories” Willow whispered to herself as the wisps swirled to and fro. Suddenly a cloud rose up, colors whirling around inside. Silver, blue, red and black. There was a voice, a voice that brought pain. The cloud cleared and a face appeared to match the voice. The pain that Willow felt struck like a knife, stabbing and slicing. She felt something warm, thick and wet drip down her chest. Horror appeared on her face as she looked down and saw blood seeping through her shirt. Tears stung her eyes as she struggled to move. A cold, shadowy hand appeared, lifting her chin up until she was staring into the black, dead eyes of a young child. A young child who looked familiar. Willow opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t through the pain. She tasted blood in her mouth and coughed.
“It hurts, doesn’t it?” The child purred, an evil laugh echoed through the room.
“Why...are you making me…relive this? Who...are…you?” Willow gasped out, wishing she would just die or wake up already.
“Oh, you don’t recognize me? How sad.” The child snarled, it’s ghostly hand reaching into her chest and clasping around her heart. Willow cried out in pain as cold, searing fire spread through her body and blood starting dripping through her skin.
“I’m you, Willow. I’m the little child that you decided to forget, that you decided to lock up and abandon. So, as revenge I’ll make you relive every time you lost. Every time you got left behind. Every time you got hurt.” The child smiled, cruel and twisted as the hand withdrew from Willow’s chest, holding her heart. Not her heart...the shadow of her heart. It was covered in scars, there were shards of metal embedded and there were fresh cuts. Fresh cuts that were gushing blood. Willow started shaking with sobs as she realized that the blood covering her body was from those cuts.
“You still don’t know how it felt. But this is the closest I can get to making you feel what I felt. Also, it’s fun.” Little Willow chuckled. She reached out and wiped the salt stains from Willow’s eyes.
“I’m...sorry. Have you...seen….the way….the world is?” Willow gasped out, straining for breath.
“Why….are….you...doing this?” She asked, wondering when Death would show up to release her from this pain. All she wanted to do was die. Willow had pushed through, pushed it down and ignored everything to keep going. But now this ghost of her inner child had decided to take revenge. All she was aware of was the blood, the tears and desire for death. Was she awake or dreaming? Willow didn’t know, or care. Who knew that one’s heart could hold so much blood?
“I’m not doing this Willow. You are. I’m you, remember? You’re torturing yourself.” The child grinned, the smile growing bigger, the blackness growing darker and spreading until it swallowed everything.
Willow awoke with a gasp, thrashing in her bed. Something was restraining her. She looked around, confused. Willow was in a dimly lit room, strapped to a hospital bed, surrounded by white walls. Suddenly she became aware of a huge pain in her chest. Looking down, Willow saw that her shirt was soaked with blood. Her blood. She felt light though, dizzy even. She realized she was floating outside her body, her body that was alive and yet, dead. There was a clang and Willow felt a jerk, then suddenly she was back in that black, echoing room. Fear struck her like a lighting bolt as she realized that she was doomed. Doomed to forever haunt the inner recesses of her mind and heart, reliving her pain every day, never healing.
The last sound that the nurse heard Willow make was a strangled sob as tears leaked out from the closed eyelids.
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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
It seems everyone is getting in on the spooky fun eh? Let's go through this and I'll make a few points for you to consider!
1. Overall, good vibes. I like the confusion from Willow. I like that each transition back into sleep is somewhat bleary. I also like that she thinks she has the weekend off when in reality she's strapped to a bed in a hospital? To be honest I was actually a bit confused at the end. Was she injured and dying? Was she in an asylum? You say nurse, but we get no recollection of why she's hurt.
2. It's an interesting take to meet your inner self. Or your younger self, or older self for that matter. It's by no means unique as a Storytelling device, but it's very good and beinga representation of a person's inner workings, demons, goals and so forth. Her repressing her childhood make me think that perhaps she had quite a rough childhood and was forced to grow up faster than she should. I think thats important to realize in today's world thatost kids aren't getting to be kids.
They're on social media, they're used as political pawns, or they have to make up for parental lapses and basically take care of themselves and/or their siblings.
3. I actually wish this had been a tad longer. I think a slightly more slumbering intro would have helped so we really feel Willow's exhaustion. Again, we see her working two jobs and being in school which alludes to her upbringing being poor and unsupported. And let me tell you, doing 2 jobs and school was EXHAUSTING.
I think more of a back and forth with Little Willow could've helped us learn more and feel more for both Willow's as well, showing the internal conflict we have with ourselves. Especially since Little Willow IS Willow.
4. Gengar is right about the warning for suicide, ajd definitely for violence.
Overall a fun little piece for the time of the year, but also an interesting look into our introspective nature and how we view ourselves internally. Hope this helps!
~ Messy
Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!
General Impression:
Whoa, that twist at the end was cool and I totally didn’t expect it! In general, this is a very good spooky story, perfect for Halloween
What I Liked:
I like how you show Willow’s emotions. I think you evoked it very strongly, through the imagery of colors as well as all of the crying Willow does. And, like I’ve said, I also liked the plot twist! It makes the story very interesting and adds a fantastical element to it
Areas of Improvement:
The transition from Willow being awake to her nightmare was a bit confusing. At first, it was hard to tell what happened, and I didn’t know if she fell asleep or not
Perhaps you could add a transition sentence to signal that Willow fell asleep. Another idea is to add a section break, which will signal that time has passed. I personally like to do this by having three tildes (~) in-between paragraphs. It would look like this:
I hope my review could be helpful. I wish you a good day/night!
—GengarIsBestBoy
(P.S: Since the story contains lots of blood as well as suicidal ideation, you may want to change the rating to +16 and/or add a trigger warning at the beginning. Not something you have to do, but something you may want to consider