Young Writers Society

Hello! This was very good. I really liked the three different positions and views of the bridge shown. To some, it's just a pretty sight, but to others, it's so much more. The direct speaking to the reader is interesting; it feels a bit out of place but not so much as to absolutely need a change. One thing I noticed was how the Me section cut off a lot of beginning pronouns and other words while the And I section kept them. My teacher always suggested to me to cut off unnecessary words, such as changing "Like a ghost" to "A ghost" and "The darkness" to just "Darkness". I feel it adds more flow to the poem, but it's definitely a stylistic choice. As Aley said, the use of bold and italic is kind of unusual. My suggestion would be different fonts instead. Beyond this, these nothing I can say besides I really liked it! It gave a unique and unusual view filled with excellent language and real character. Nice work!

Hey FeatherPen,

I'm here to review your poem because I can.

First off, I'd like to say props for tackling a unique an different way to approach writing a poem. I've never seen anyone use asterisks and a table format to make a poem, but for this, it works. Well, I've seen asterisks, but mostly when it comes to words that are being used for a particular type of dialect.

I really like that this poem is so versatile. You can really move around in it. I will say however, I was bothered to see "till" being used as it was because a "till" is actually a thing, it's not the abbreviation for "until" which is "'til" note the single "l" and the "'", it's just that a till has sort of gone out of date. It's actually a money box. Not many people remember that a cash register is also known as a till. Even Google decides the new definition is more correct than the old one, but! Take it from me! If you're over somewhere in your 30s, you're not going to appreciate seeing "till" unless you're very forward thinking. That being said, you're dismissing a lot of the generations before you as being relevant in this poem using that word, which is not something I'd recommend. I also don't think that was your point, so that's why I'm saying something.

Overall, I don't quite understand the use of italic, bold, and none between the three sections. Is that just to indicate a difference between them I feel like this poem would stand together just fine with the table being the only separator, but at the same time, I'd be afraid to touch it because I like how you have it. I would suggest checking on your capitalization however. I don't think it needs to have the beginning of each line capitalized.

In summary, very unique and I like it! I can't wait to see what you do with a traditional format so I can really see how you shape up.

Aley

I loved this! I prefer poetry that doesn't rhyme (and most on this site does) so that really stuck out to me. You have a very dramatic, detailed way of writing and I'm sure you've heard that before. It sets a very clear idea of a rather lonely, androgynous person (I don't apply any gender to the narrator for some reason), who is struggling with their mental disorders, and they're watching the city after sort of surrendering to their situation. It makes me feel like the narrator has given up on ever being excepted due to their mental disorder. Very Vincent Van Gogh-esque.