Young Writers Society

Hi, @FabihaNeera, I just wanted to say that I love your poem and the message that you try to get across to the reader. The way I understand it, you are saying that life is unpredictable and you have to keep trying even when there are obstacles blocking your way. I agree with that message and I think that is really inspirational. I also love the rhyming pattern that you use in this poem. It really stood out to me as I also like to use rhyme in my poems. I especially enjoyed stanza 3: Though, do not be unswayed,

As endless possibilities lie ahead of you.

And do not be easily delayed,

As even the light a candle brings about

Will soon begin to flicker out.
You did a great job of creating imagery with the lines about the candle and I can tell that you put a lot of thought into it.

Cool! Like it!

Hello!

You have such a strong piece here. It's such a good theme, and you express that uncertainty of tomorrow so well while maintaining a voice of courage facing the day ahead. It's an uplifting piece, and you don't see those often enough. I enjoyed it!

There are so many strong lines in this poem, I don't know if I can point them all out without padding my review. I really like how you started this, jumping right into the theme like a life coach. I love how the end ties back to the beginning with the sun rising for a new day. It just wraps that all up so nicely.

Though, do not be unswayed,
As endless possibilities lie ahead of you.

And before you waste away,
Remember, Time’s what we can not keep
For the sun rises as soon as it sleeps.

Hello, FlamingPhoneix here with a review for you, I'll try and make this short, and do my bets to get this out the green room for you.

Okay let's begin.

So let me just start by saying, I'm just loving what you have here. It was a really good idea for a poem. But I'll get to that in a moment. I feel like it's a little of, it feels a little sped up, but your punctuation is great, but there is another thing you can do to help with the flow of the poem. You can make brakes between some of your lines, like at one moment you will be talking about how your down, and the next you will say but don't give up. It's almost like putting your poem into paragraphs. I'll try and show you what I mean.

And what desires will be engraved?

Our journey through the depths consists

And what desires will be engraved?
...
Our journey through the depths consists

Hey there! Happy NaPo 2019!

So the first thing I noticed is the formatting. Since this was a huge pain for me to figure out, I'm going to pass on what I just today learned about formatting poems here on YWS. It's not bad so feel free to take it or leave it but I'm going to pass it on. Essentially, you have to click on the </> symbol in the publishing center, and then on every line, whether or not there's text, type <br> after whatever you have on the line. More info here: Formating Poetry #2

On to the poem itself! I really, really love this poem. It reminds me of something Anne of Green Gables once said, that, "Tomorrow doesn't have any mistakes in it. Yet." It captures the endless possibilities that lie before us at each new day. Very exciting, full of wonder and awe at the ways that the day might turn out. Beautiful sentiment to capture in poetry.

The rhymes are great, but I will say that your meter shifts a ton. All of the meters that you use sound good, but it changes too frequently, and breaks up the flow of the poem. I would recommend choosing whichever meter you think works best for the piece, and then adjust your other lines to fit that meter. That way, the poem will be more cohesive throughout.

I noticed in the second to last verse that you had the word time capitalized. Are you referring to Time as a person, or was this a typo? I can see it being either way.

I might consider changing this line here: "As even the light a candle brings about" to "As even the light the candle brings about." Changing the "a" to a "the" makes it sound more specific and stronger as a line.

Overall, very well done!

Toboldlygo