Failure will always overpower us
No one can convince me that
Everyone will find success
In their own ways
The truth is
Only some individuals are successful
So that doesn't mean
We all have a chance to succeed
People can gain happiness
By achieving something small
Though that sense of accomplishment will quickly fade away
And even
The words "everyone is a winner" have no meaning
We must not believe that
We must try to make an impact in this world
Failure is always constant
It's not true that
We can reach our goals
Failure
Will always win over
Success
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hi there Fabiha and welcome to YWS! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.
So...it seems like previous reviewers haven't picked up that this is meant to be read backwards and forwards? Those kind of poems are really hard to write and I commend you for trying. I did a palindrome poem last year and it was much shorter and very difficult.
On the punctuation: I'm not sure I would include it at all. It's sort of randomly placed, and obviously when you go to read something backwards the punctuation will change and it can alter the meaning.
I recommend taking out these two lines. They feel too positive and motivational when read forward. Without them, we get "The truth is, only some individuals are successful" read forward and "So that doesn't mean that only some individuals are successful. The truth is, in their own ways...", which feels much more pessimistic/optimistic than with the extra lines.
Grammar thing here: "has" should be "have" because "words" is plural. This makes more sense read both ways.
A couple reasons I'm recommending cuts here:
1) The crossed out section is really clunky read forward, and not much better backwards.
2) "We must not believe that/We must try to make an impact in this world"-->"We must try to make an impact on this world/We must not believe that" feels much more powerful without the stuff in between.
The line "I know that" doesn't have to be there, but it works with or without it.
The line "With so many obstacles blocking our way" only makes sense when read forward. It feels a little too pessimistic read backwards. I would cut it.
Overall, this has a strong message and works well read both ways. I would just clean up a few spots to make it more concise and powerful. Keep writing and welcome again!
Thank you for the feedback!
Heyoooo!
Noob reviewer here.
First off, very motivational message. Very inspiring.
Now some critice
Lines 3 and 4 could have been just one line too increase the flow. After every line pause like there is a period at the end. If it does not sound natural or right then reword the line or combine them.
Kpop out
Thank u!
Heya!
I like this piece. It has a very unique message, and it's honestly kind of depressing to read. But also super relatable 'cause life is hard. I particularly like how you opened and closed with the same idea. It really ties everything together rather nicely and keeps it to the point. No tangents! Just a solid decree.
I feel like punctuation might actually work out here. Right away in the beginning, I was already confused as to if the second line was meant to reflect the first or the following lines. In some cases, this kind of back-and-forth works, but I feel like it disrupts the flow of your piece here and sidesteps the point you're trying to make.
I don't have much else to suggest. This is really a monologue more than anything that doesn't use many poetic devices that I'm familiar with. But it certainly works too. You can tell the speaker must have just come out of some motivational speech about success and immediately started ranting in their heads about what they just heard.
I really would have loved to see some examples of how failure always wins over success, or some imagery/metaphors. I feel like that, at the very least, could back this poem up a bit. But I also don't want to take away from the dramatic impact of this spiel either. Food for thought, I suppose!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thank you!
Hey, Che here for a quick review!
First of all, I really liked the message you were trying to get across within this poem. It read really well and any some very important points. I liked the structure of the poem but I think that some of the lines were too long, and some were too short and in my opinion, it disrupted the flow of the poem a little
There's just one thing that I will point out:
I think it should be "have no meaning"
Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem and am looking forward to reading more of you work!
Keep writing!
Regards, Che
Thank you!