Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Forever

by FabihaNeera


When we think of “forever”,

What comes to mind?

A chance of remaining together,

To which you are inclined?

...

Well, can I not be of greed

To wish for this perfect fate?

Instead, what follows a last goodbye

Is regret that never dissipates.

...

Tell me, how can I still be

When my mind has already been shattered?

Drifting through all my memories of you

When everything had mattered?

...

Yet here I stand, before my “forever”

That I would always remember.

Of unsaid words, heat streams down my cheeks,

From the dying fire within me,

Leaving behind only fading embers.

...

For what I am not brave enough to say

Is your name, set forever in a stone display.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 34
Reviews: 4

Donate
Sun May 12, 2019 1:13 pm
AS04 says...



Hi, I really like this poem! I love your rhyming pattern, especially in the third stanza: "Tell me, how can I still be

When my mind has already been shattered?

Drifting through all my memories of you

When everything had mattered?"

I like your use of imagery with your word choice. I love the part about the "dying fire within me,

Leaving behind only fading embers.". This is a very well written poem and the meaning is beautiful. Keep writing!




User avatar


Points: 34
Reviews: 4

Donate
Sun May 12, 2019 1:07 pm
AS04 says...



Hi, I really like this poem! I love your rhyming pattern, especially in the third stanza: "Tell me, how can I still be

When my mind has already been shattered?

Drifting through all my memories of you

When everything had mattered?"

I like your use of imagery with your word choice. I love the part about the "dying fire within me,

Leaving behind only fading embers.". This is a very well written poem and the meaning is beautiful. Keep writing!




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you!



User avatar
55 Reviews


Points: 39
Reviews: 55

Donate
Sun May 12, 2019 12:38 pm
mb1221 wrote a review...



Hi there, I really loved this poem. It is brief and to the point, and you have done an amazing job delivering your feelings about that one special person.
I specifically liked your use of imagery in the fourth stanza, such as "heat streams down my cheeks" and "dying fire within me".
And I also have to say, the ending was amazingly written. Again, short and gets right to the point, and that is all you need to make the reader burst into sad feelings.

Great job, keep up the good work :)

~mb1221




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you!



User avatar
128 Reviews


Points: 6794
Reviews: 128

Donate
Sat May 11, 2019 8:41 am
Liberty500 says...



I love this poem! The details, the words, the imagery, the... everything! It's amazing! Brava!




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you! :D



Liberty500 says...


Your welcome! <3



User avatar
122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

Donate
Sat May 11, 2019 2:17 am
Anma wrote a review...



Hello!
Anma here for a review!

This is a lovely poem. Its so true too. The words flowed well throughout the poem. Your spacing is good. It was nice and simple to read, i didn't get confused on any of the lines. I could tell the emotion from this. The meaning was loud and clear. Your imagery was great as well.

Here's only a few suggestions i have

Instead, what follows (the) last goodbye.

Yet here I stand, before my “forever(.)”

For what I (did not dare) to say {less wordy}

When we think of “forever(,”)

Either than that its good.
Sorry this is a pretty crappy review!...

At least i hope it helps....

Have a great day!

Sincerely
Anma




FabihaNeera says...


Thanks for the helpful review!



Anma says...


Np




Courage, my soul! Now learn to wield the weight of thine immortal shield...
— Andrew Marvell