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Forever

by FabihaNeera


When we think of “forever”,

What comes to mind?

A chance of remaining together,

To which you are inclined?

...

Well, can I not be of greed

To wish for this perfect fate?

Instead, what follows a last goodbye

Is regret that never dissipates.

...

Tell me, how can I still be

When my mind has already been shattered?

Drifting through all my memories of you

When everything had mattered?

...

Yet here I stand, before my “forever”

That I would always remember.

Of unsaid words, heat streams down my cheeks,

From the dying fire within me,

Leaving behind only fading embers.

...

For what I am not brave enough to say

Is your name, set forever in a stone display.


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User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 441
Reviews: 16

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Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:34 pm
anu wrote a review...



Hello Fabiha! Your poem was really amazing. The metaphors and rhyming was awesome. There could not have been better words to express such a wow! Poem. Though the rhyming of the second last para segregated it a bit from the whole poem. The prose flowed very nicely.
“Tell me, how can I still be”
^ No offends, but this line meant a little less sense to me . When you write it , why not mention what you have to be?
The emotions were well-expressed. Though it was unclear to whom your goodbye was said- was it a lover or just a friend? Make it clear.
“For what I am not brave enough to say
Is your name, set forever in a stone display.”
These lines created so enthusiastic ending to an enthusiastic poem.

Loved it 💕💕
Keep writing!




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76 Reviews


Points: 7705
Reviews: 76

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Sun Jun 16, 2019 4:12 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Hello! It’s silver moon for a review! (Sorry :/ silvermoon is suuuch a bad name) the part where you say that this is a random sad poem, I think the catchphrase, by increasing its potential, clearly would’ve strengthened the amount of visits on your poem. But hey, I’m here- and let’s begin with the poem itself.
So.. everything rhymes I think. It’s the kinda regular AABB simple rhyming scheme. Again, catchphrase. I think while the opening line of your poem is a question, so we read on to get the answer; you clearly break all the suspense with repetitive questions- resulting in a kind of feeling of loss. Even though forever is a vague and open theme, the second paragraph has little to nothing to do with either forever or the questions asked above. The hook you’ve established with the first line goes to waste- and we kind of have a even greater feeling of loss. The third paragraph holds more links with the second paragraph, instead of the forever or the questions of the first paragraph. Again, I think you’ve clearly let too much feelings unfurl at once in your poem. Each stanza grows more apart with the theme until the last ententes have clearly nothing to do. The fourth stanza is better.. it has a reference to the title.. and that’s the stanza which fix’s everything. With a vague answer resulting in the final sentences. Now, we are expecting a great ending. A final that would have us panting and reeling. And those last words are fine. Not doing anything new and impressing or horribly bad stuff- no- those last sentences do just fine. I personally think you got too carried away until the fourth paragraph. Only there did you refer to forever and begin answering the questions you’ve asked at the beginning. A continuous reference to the title’s conflict is my suggestion for improvement-
Sincerely,
Someone




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Points: 34
Reviews: 4

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Sun May 12, 2019 1:13 pm
AS04 says...



Hi, I really like this poem! I love your rhyming pattern, especially in the third stanza: "Tell me, how can I still be

When my mind has already been shattered?

Drifting through all my memories of you

When everything had mattered?"

I like your use of imagery with your word choice. I love the part about the "dying fire within me,

Leaving behind only fading embers.". This is a very well written poem and the meaning is beautiful. Keep writing!




User avatar


Points: 34
Reviews: 4

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Sun May 12, 2019 1:07 pm
AS04 says...



Hi, I really like this poem! I love your rhyming pattern, especially in the third stanza: "Tell me, how can I still be

When my mind has already been shattered?

Drifting through all my memories of you

When everything had mattered?"

I like your use of imagery with your word choice. I love the part about the "dying fire within me,

Leaving behind only fading embers.". This is a very well written poem and the meaning is beautiful. Keep writing!




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you!



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55 Reviews


Points: 39
Reviews: 55

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Sun May 12, 2019 12:38 pm
mb1221 wrote a review...



Hi there, I really loved this poem. It is brief and to the point, and you have done an amazing job delivering your feelings about that one special person.
I specifically liked your use of imagery in the fourth stanza, such as "heat streams down my cheeks" and "dying fire within me".
And I also have to say, the ending was amazingly written. Again, short and gets right to the point, and that is all you need to make the reader burst into sad feelings.

Great job, keep up the good work :)

~mb1221




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you!



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186 Reviews


Points: 7966
Reviews: 186

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Sat May 11, 2019 8:41 am
Liberty says...



I love this poem! The details, the words, the imagery, the... everything! It's amazing! Brava!




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you! :D



Liberty says...


Your welcome! <3



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122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

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Sat May 11, 2019 2:17 am
Anma wrote a review...



Hello!
Anma here for a review!

This is a lovely poem. Its so true too. The words flowed well throughout the poem. Your spacing is good. It was nice and simple to read, i didn't get confused on any of the lines. I could tell the emotion from this. The meaning was loud and clear. Your imagery was great as well.

Here's only a few suggestions i have

Instead, what follows (the) last goodbye.

Yet here I stand, before my “forever(.)”

For what I (did not dare) to say {less wordy}

When we think of “forever(,”)

Either than that its good.
Sorry this is a pretty crappy review!...

At least i hope it helps....

Have a great day!

Sincerely
Anma




FabihaNeera says...


Thanks for the helpful review!



Anma says...


Np




He who knows only his own generation remains forever a child.
— Cicero