The sun’s radiation
Paints the sky
With bands of purple and red.
And electromagnetism
Hisses vengefully
As pines and firs
Dance in the arctic wind,
Swaying in the snow.
The stars are pinpricks
In a multicolored cloth
Woven out of night and electrons.
The beams of light,
Pierce my soul,
Just like his eyes;
And he doesn’t notice
That he is like the wind,
That arctic wind,
Slowly freezing me
With his cold disposition.
So beautiful,
So loud,
So cold.
Like the aurora
He doesn’t care,
Just goes on living,
Living and hissing.
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140,907 Literary Works • 673,716 Reviews
You put emotions and science and words together and it resulted in wonderful poetry.
Beautiful! In all my time on this site, I've never seen a poem with a picture, so congrats on originality! On to the crit:
Loved this part. Crisp, clear imagery.
Dear God, don't say "pierce my soul!" It detracts from an otherwise flawless poem. Surely there's a more creative way you could say this?
Wonderful. I wasn't sure where this poem was going until I hit this line, and then it all slid together. Such a smooth transition from scenery to romance. Well done.
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Another gorgeous part, although I'm not sure about the word "disposition." It sounds sterile next to words like "aurora" and "living". Then again, you mention electromagnetism, so maybe it fits. The repetition of "so" is my favorite part of this poem. I'm speechless. Where did this poem come from? PM me if you want.
Hah, s'okay.
darko.demark666 ~ The stars aren't multicolored, the sky is. Which is why it says, "In a multicolored cloth woven out of night and electrons." And in the picture, the sky is multicolored, so I assumed that part was self-explanatory. Sorry if it's somehow unclear.
I like the end of your poem. Actually, the second part of it.
i love your poem and the right balance with nature.
your use of scientific terms also got the poem going.
'electromagnetism'
'electrons'
'The beams of light'
thanks