This is for Princess's and Demeter's old-fashioned poetry contest. It has to be about a random object so I'm gonna choose *cue dramatic horror movie music* a tissue.
I caress your face when tears flow
Down your cheeks, from your eyes
Like a river of pain and sorrow.
Soft and papery, I do not judge.
I care for you tirelessly
When sickness seizes;
For you, I will get messy
And germ-infested.
I mop up small spills
And dab away make-up.
I keep your baby clean,
And what do you do?
I am forever your caretaker;
Always your children's nurse.
I am the nanny and au pair.
I sit in your car, table, desk.
But you give me no thanks,
Only a muffled sniffle.
I toil and I labor,
Needlessly for you.
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139,438 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
I think this is a great poem and you did a wonderful job! It has so much emotion and very nice details. Good Job!
You have some great rhythm and flow in this poem. There were a few spelling mistakes that have already been mentioned.
I think that when you say germ-infested, it messes with the flow. You also misspelled siezes. Its seizes.
Other than the last liine in that stanza its smooth. You had good punctuation, and mostly good grammar.
Good luck in that contest!
WHAT ???? No one has commented? heheh sorry for the capitals, I get... carried away
I love this poem. Really, explosive, it rocks
The only mistake I can see is this:
siezes;
should be
seizes;
but I'm sure that was just a typo. xD
Admittedly this is a terrible review, but I really did enjoy this poem. Interesting subject, interesting language, interesting portrayal.
Meloved it. xD
well done and good luck
~Kirsten xxx
Hello,
I really like your poem and am not quite sure why no-one has commented on it, I think the rhythm of the poem is very smooth and the stanzas are a very nice length. I don't really have any critique apart from possibly the length of each line is very different.
Other then that, I think it has great potential and there are no other minus points to it!
I also like the way you've referred to yourself, in the poem, as a somewhat slave to the woman, this brings a sense of cruelty but nevertheless meaning to the poem and so overall very well written.
I look forward to reading another poem of yours as I find your writing style very unique but clever at the same time, if that makes sense, hehe XD,
~Hayley