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Young Writers Society



A Janitor's Adventure: 7.3

by ExOmelas


That was how Janny found himself entering the captain's office on the third cycle of their stay on the Hub's docks. The requests were slowing down by now, most of the companies on board the ship having sent their emissaries into the trading centre to get to work. And so the captain had finally had time to hear the story of his how abducted head of maintenance made it back from Scentian captivity.

Captain Corli was sitting behind a low desk, not being the tallest Endoleon the galaxy had ever seen, and had two stacks of paper in front of him. One was directly in front of him, the other to his right, and much taller than the first. As he waved to Janny with one hand, he moved a few sheets of stapled together paper from the centre to the right.

"Almost done with the paperwork then?" Janny asked.

"You're talking to yourself again, Gomm," the captain said, but beckoned him forward to take a seat. It was a metal framed chair with some nice, soft cushions sewn in as part of the design.

"No, no. That one was on purpose," Janny said, sitting down. "I'm just glad you have time to fit me in."

"I see," Corli said, setting his smaller stack of papers to the left and bringing a thin laptop computer out of his desk drawer. He opened it up and poised his fingers over the keyboard. "On you go then."

"Oh, right. Yes, sure," Janny said. "So, it all started when Rett asked me to talk to those Scentians. I went through to talk to them about what they wanted from us, and we were in their ship, rather than hours, because there was more space. Then Lestili - well, I didn't know she was called Lestili at the time... Sorry, captain, but this took ages to tell my crew all about. Are you sure you need the full story?"

Corli waved his hand and hit his knuckles on the laptop. "Ow. No, I just need to know how much I owe in ransom money, and who I make it out to."

"None," Janny said.

"None?" Corli leaned forward, nearly hitting his head on the laptop as well.

"None," Janny said. He shrugged. "I got away. Then Lestili helped me get away from the TIPO stealth crafts."

Corli sat back and shook his head. "Well then... Wait, why were you running away from TIPO? They're an integral component of what makes this Hub go round, you know."

"They thought I was Lestili," Janny explained, "And they weren't too happy with her. It's a long story, like I said. I probably shouldn't have said her name actually."

Corli looked at him for a moment, and was completely silent. Then he sighed and said, "Oh well. I suppose you can get back to work then. That was rather painless. Thanks, Gomm!"

Janny fidgeted, twisting a few fingers together and straightening them back out. "Actually, sir, I was wondering if I could ask you something."

Corli had started to close his laptop, but paused. "Well, I suppose I've got some spare time. What's on your mind?"

Janny rubbed the back of his neck. "It's just... between Upumsel and Fri, they've got this place covered really. They've even started to scream at each other a little less. Turns out I trained them fairly well."

"You want to make one of them head of maintenance?" Corli asked.

That stung more than he thought it might. "Well, yes, but more than that. I want to go back to the Hub, back to the Flexie district, back to the room where I left my jumpsuit and got the hat I was wearing when I came back the other day - I don't know if you saw any images of me but that is a fashion decision I am coming to regret."

"But you're wearing a jumpsuit now," Corli said, frowning deeply at him.

"This isn't mine," Janny said, "It's one of the spares. Bit big if I'm honest."

Corli reopened his laptop fully. "So you're saying you want a Hub pass so you can go retrieve your jumpsuit? The one that fits?"

Janny shifted in his seat, wondering how Corli hadn't got the message yet. "Well, I suppose I could do that. But I'd need more than just a Hub pass... I'd need indefinate leave."

"Leave?" Corli's eyes bulged.

"Yes," Janny said. He took a deep breath. "I'd like to leave. Oh, and Cri would like to come with me. She's very curious about everything I told her. She'd like to meet Birt and Odela, and maybe Lestili one day. Even Grescin maybe, though probably not Ennet. I also really need to do something about my legs. I thought maybe Lestili would send me some medicine but the pain just keeps getting worse, the marks are getting greener, and the Flexie archives are proving no help."

"You don't need my permission to leave," Corli said, finally closing his laptop.

"No, but I need a reference," Janny said, smiling with one side of his mouth. "I'm sure there'll be plenty of toilets to clean on the Hub. There's whole towns of people there waiting for their turn at teleportation."

Corli sighed and hung his head, opening the laptop once more. "I'll send it through once I'm done."

"Oh. Thank you!" Janny said. "I thought you might need some convincing... I thought you might... need me."

Corli clicked his mousepad a few times then looked up with a smile. "Gomm, I'm just glad you've expressed interest in something other than disinfectant spray. Next time I see you I expect a favourite pop single, three new foods you've tried, and a new planet you've visited - and it can't be Endol."

Janny sat up straight. "I - okay, sure. Cri's already shown me articles about several tourist destinations. We thought we'd go on a little holiday first. She's not sure she wants to stay in maintenance forever, so we're also going to go see what's out there for her. Oh, she'll need a reference too."

Corli nodded, typing away on his laptop. "Of course. The worst thing she's ever done is, along with you, stick me with just her sister and Upumsel."

Janny gulped. "I'm sure it'll be fine..."

"As am I," Corli agreed. He hit one of the buttons on the keyboard hard. A moment later Janny's techpod buzzed. Corli said, "There! Off you go, Gomm. Send us many postcards!"

Janny smiled and nodded. "Thank you, sir." Then he headed out the room. He walked back to the maintenance lounge reading the reference the captain had sent him. It was one of those standardised forms that big ships like this used whenever employees moved on. It had fields for strengths, weaknesses, experience, qualities. Janny always read weaknesses last when looking at a reference; you had a store of confidence to hold on to so it wouldn't hit you too hard.

In the middle of the corridor, Janny stopped. He put his hand on his cheek and shifted his weight onto one leg, softening his eye sockets so they'd absorb the tears that were springing up. Under weaknesses the captain had written: "Possibly the least adventurous soul you've ever met, but he's working on that."

The End


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Wed Jul 15, 2020 1:28 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Aaand...I am back for the last review on this wonderful little novella.

First Impression: That was a nicer ending that I was expecting. I love the direction that you took that in. It promises so much while still giving a lot of closure. And that ending line is pure gold.

Anyway let's get to it,

That was how Janny found himself entering the captain's office on the third cycle of their stay on the Hub's docks. The requests were slowing down by now, most of the companies on board the ship having sent their emissaries into the trading centre to get to work. And so the captain had finally had time to hear the story of his how abducted head of maintenance made it back from Scentian captivity.


Well...that took quite some time.

"Oh, right. Yes, sure," Janny said. "So, it all started when Rett asked me to talk to those Scentians. I went through to talk to them about what they wanted from us, and we were in their ship, rather than hours, because there was more space. Then Lestili - well, I didn't know she was called Lestili at the time... Sorry, captain, but this took ages to tell my crew all about. Are you sure you need the full story?"

Corli waved his hand and hit his knuckles on the laptop. "Ow. No, I just need to know how much I owe in ransom money, and who I make it out to."


Comic relief aside this one doesn't make too much sense. He probably should have just asked this outright. So far he didn't give even the tiniest indication that this was what he wanted.

"They thought I was Lestili," Janny explained, "And they weren't too happy with her. It's a long story, like I said. I probably shouldn't have said her name actually."


*facepalms* Come on Janny you can do better than that.

That stung more than he thought it might. "Well, yes, but more than that. I want to go back to the Hub, back to the Flexie district, back to the room where I left my jumpsuit and got the hat I was wearing when I came back the other day - I don't know if you saw any images of me but that is a fashion decision I am coming to regret."


Oh wow. This is sentimental but also hilarious at the same time.

"Yes," Janny said. He took a deep breath. "I'd like to leave. Oh, and Cri would like to come with me. She's very curious about everything I told her. She'd like to meet Birt and Odela, and maybe Lestili one day. Even Grescin maybe, though probably not Ennet. I also really need to do something about my legs. I thought maybe Lestili would send me some medicine but the pain just keeps getting worse, the marks are getting greener, and the Flexie archives are proving no help."


Oh I almost forgot the green marks. I guess we will never know the explanation for them...

Corli clicked his mousepad a few times then looked up with a smile. "Gomm, I'm just glad you've expressed interest in something other than disinfectant spray. Next time I see you I expect a favourite pop single, three new foods you've tried, and a new planet you've visited - and it can't be Endol."


That's a nice thing to add to Captain Corli's character. He cares about his employees quite a bit by the looks of it.

In the middle of the corridor, Janny stopped. He put his hand on his cheek and shifted his weight onto one leg, softening his eye sockets so they'd absorb the tears that were springing up. Under weaknesses the captain had written: "Possibly the least adventurous soul you've ever met, but he's working on that."


As far as bathroom cleaning goes that's probably a strength. You don't want to get too adventurous in a bathroom.

Aand that's this one done. The third full story that I have reviewed. I have to say I enjoyed it thoroughly. I am going to scour your portfolio to see if there are more....

Overall: It was a really nice ending. Some loose ends were tied up...all except the green marks thing. It was a really nice and very simple plot that gave a nice little message and just makes you happy. I'm glad that I read this story and I would read this again to relieve those fun highlights.

And me signing off on this story.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




ExOmelas says...


Awww thank you so much ^.^

Yeah, the green marks are the hook into the theoretical next bit of the story, where Janny and Cri go searching for a cure. As I said it was just starting to feel a bit forced. Like I was constantly searching for motivations to make things make sense, so I think I'll just let Janny go off into the sunset and look for a cure :)



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!! :D :D
And ahh...makes sense. Although I would have definitely read that book if you wrote it.



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Tue Jan 14, 2020 8:20 pm
mellifera wrote a review...



Hey Bisc!

Last chapter, oh goodness. Here we go!


So, this is where 7.1 left off in the beginning section, yes? I just want to make sure I'm interpreting that correctly.

hear the story of his how abducted head of maintenance made it back from Scentian captivity.


?? (I'm not sure? what this was supposed to mean?)

Captain Corli was sitting behind a low desk, not being the tallest Endoleon the galaxy had ever seen,


would have been funnier if he was tbh

"Almost done with the paperwork then?" Janny asked.

"You're talking to yourself again, Gomm," the captain said,


I know Janny refutes this in the next line, but I'm unsure why the captain thinks he's talking to himself? I read that as a direct question from Janny to the captain, and I don't know why he would be asking himself that, since he's not the one doing paperwork?

and we were in their ship, rather than hours,


"ours"?

Corli waved his hand and hit his knuckles on the laptop.


I felt this in my soul.


Okay, I stopped pulling lines because I was surprised by Janny asking for that indefinite leave, so let me see if I can collect all my thoughts now.

First of all, I loved the interaction between the Corli and Janny. Corli's reactions to Janny's requests to leave, and then telling Janny he expects "a favourite pop single, three new foods, and a new planet". And the captain's support of Janny wanting to pursue more exploration was so, so sweet and lovely.

That was my first reaction. My second is that I'm really happy because of the build-up from the beginning to now. I know that you had said at one point that you were trying to have the transformation of Janny from being passive to taking a stand and being more adventurous was the whole point, and while there were the kinks I mentioned along the way, I think this ending ties it all up incredibly well. It pays off in such a heart-warming way, and I think you ended it at the perfect spot, where there's the potential for the continuation of Janny's story, but it's the end of Janny's developmental arc (not the end of development completely, but more in a "this arc is ending and now another will start" for him).

Style-wise, I'm not sure how to say this in a coherent way so I'm hoping you'll be able to sort it? I think you have a tendency to try to overexplain things (like, having an action take place, and then explaining that action even though it should have been implied, or having someone say something in the dialogue and then explaining it outside of the dialogue as well. The best example of this that I can think of is at the beginning when Janny's trying to translate what Ennet and Grescin are saying, and there's the "I must not be understanding everything they're sayin", and I don't have a good solution for this, but I would have liked it to be a little less direct at times? But maybe that's what you were going for, voice-wise! I think that view does and doesn't work for Janny's personality, because there's obviously some things that he's very straightforward about, and others that just don't really occur to him, like first getting kidnapped by Ennet and Grescin and the danger he was in and such).

hopefully that makes sense :p


Janny's personality does really come out at the end here though, which I know was my main nitpick in the beginning, so I'm glad that really came out here!


Overall, this was a really cool idea, and I loved the development and Janny's discoveries and his learning experience. Congratulations for finishing it!! I realise this is a very belated congrats, but I mean it all the same!

Thank you for sharing this story! I hope some of what I said was coherent! Keep up the good work in the future <3




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Thu Dec 12, 2019 5:17 pm
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keystrings wrote a review...



Hey, Omelas! I really think that this ended in a delightful way, and I want to say a belated congratulations on finishing A Janitor's Adventure. ^^

Going over this seventh (and last) chapter in general, this does read as a little fast-paced, so even If there is going to be a sequel in the works, I'd recommend to rework Janny's arrival back at his former job to have a better transition between the time that has been spent out doing crazy things and what could have been going on with the people he's been training. The easiest way to do that is probably simply write more, (easy to say I know), but a little more information on maybe Janny spending a few days or weeks in his old life and seeing the multiple interactions of Upumsel and and Fri and then Cri as well.

I do think that the last few paragraphs of this really do a nice job in evaluating how far Janny has come/advanced, (in some cases literally), and I'm glad he's getting appreciation from his boss. Like tgirly below me, I really do agree that last line is a great way to finish at least this section of Janny's life. I really don't have too much else to speak about, besides being very curious to see if there will be some sort of continuation for this story. I could really see getting some viewpoints from Sri if only to get her first interactions with the fantastic people that Janny has gotten to know, and maybe see what she ends up doing alongside her mentor-of-sorts.

Thanks for sharing this awesome story with us. c:




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Tue Oct 01, 2019 4:01 am
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tgirly wrote a review...



Oh my gosh. That's a heck of a last line. It's so perfect. I love it. That's a great ending.

Congratulations, by the way, on reaching the end. That's a big accomplishment, for a work this size!

It feels, in this specific section of the chapter at least, that it happens a bit too easily. He's certain about moving on and so is Cri, and the crew can function without him and are happy to let them both go. I wonder if it might add a bit of conflict if you showed him trying his hardest to settle back into his old life, even if only for a little bit of time, before realizing it's just not working and not who he is anymore? Or at least a bit more internal dialogue showing that it was a tough decision to arrive at? I don't know; the chapter might read differently when all of chapter seven is together.

On the sentence level, once again wonderful work. The dialogue is high quality, the descriptions are obviously thought-through, specific, and interesting. You could add even more description if you wanted to; you've got the room for it without losing the reader's attention.

The leg thing: is that setting it up for a sequel? It's subtle, but I see what you're doing there! That's a great semi-cliff hanger; the story still feels complete, but there's that wiggle room for more. That's a tough balance to achieve, but you pulled it off really well.

Once again, congratulations on reaching the end! I wish you the best of luck in whatever revisions you choose to do, and for the rest of the journey for this story, whatever it may be. Great work.





I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline