we're not superheroes anymore,
were not as invincible as we always were.
But we'd still like to think ourselves the savior of the hour,
imagine me carrying on while the world went to hell.
I'm no one's idol, I think I deserve much less,
but honey you know best, can you let me in on every one's secret?
We were so sure the world wouldn't last without us,
that eventually, we forgot our own problems.
You hope, someday, over a sunrise, a shadow with open arms will
come down to save us all.
Our jobs aren't over, there's still a lot left to do,
coddle the sleazy and reprimand the just.
Our statues up on mount glory, they're made of frail things,
the slightest breeze will destroy them all.
Nothings left of us, nothings left to remember,
when we used to rule the world.
Nothings left of us, nothings left to remember,
all the times we would beat the sun to rise.
Oh well, all the heroes are dead now,
that doesn't mean we cant pretend.
I'll try a cape on for the last time,
just promise me...
That you'll watch me fall.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,665 Literary Works • 673,585 Reviews
I didn't get a nice feel from the poem. To me it reminded me of a Country Western song, which does not mean it's bad but just needs some work to make it feel more poetic. I agree with Stormy about the hell bit. It just makes it seem like you're finding a way to curse in the poem. And yes work on fluency of the poem.
Hey Eraqio.
Wow. This was quite a poem, I liked it with that heroes theme. Although it needs quite a bit of work.
Nitpicks
We're not superheroes anymore,
We're not as invincible as we always were.
Uhh... This line was... interesting. I don't think it flows very well,though. Especially with the "hell" part...
This is way too long. You should split it into something like this. Although this was a good line.
I'm no one's idol.
I think I deserve much less,
But honey, you know best,
Can you let me in on,
Everyone's secret?
Mount Glory,
Can't
And that's it for the nitpicks!
I really liked this poem but you should work on your fluencey. If you make it better this whole poem will come together.
Altogether I'd give you a 7/10.
Good job!
~Stormy