Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I think I reviewed the first chapter of this already and never realized there was also this part to it. Now that I finally know however, I'm back to review this bit.

First Impression: Okay...well this is a pretty good introduction or summary there. It definitely seems like an interesting premise and I would love for it to be continued, it looks like its quite the world that you have come up with here for this futuristic society.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I once read somewhere that the ancient humans used to say being a teenager or a young adult was tough…. Especially for the women but in all honesty it can’t have been as bad as it is now, nearly 300 years later.

I don’t know the exact date but in our days if you weren’t an Elf or a human of high stature, meaning you had money, lots of money than you were considered less than. Nothing but vermin. As a rover, I was considered vermin.

It was only after being bought from my original owners by a rover clan leader at the age of 14 did I finally understand what these ancient humans had meant. As rovers, the men in the clan were used to taking what they wanted, snatching it right out of the hands of their mark. This meant as time went by, and I began to show promise of great beauty, more, and more of my nights were spent warding off these pigs.

At nineteen, I had been lucky, more fortunate than most other female within the clan. Where the others had been bought from slave traders, Magnus had purchased me from a Gnome fight club in the Northern lands. This meant I was at least able to protect myself. While I did my best to help the other girls, when it came down to it, it was every man or in this case women for themselves.

Unfortunately, this also meant i was venerable. Even having the skills to defend myself didn't make me immune to being sold off as a bride, slave to other rover men, that is if the low life of the clan could touch me, which is another reason i am venerable. i have Magnus's personal protection which basically put a target on my back.

Hi @EM8650, I'm here to review your work!

This is my first review on the site so please bear with me. This is an incredible piece of writing. I enjoyed your more playful style of narration. I also enjoyed reading about the story that you told. It would be nice to have a sense of where this takes place. From the beginning of the story, I assumed that this was taking place in the future of this Earth with the teenager bit. However, once you got to elves and rovers, I found myself confused about where this took place. Is this on our world or a different fantasy world you created? That would be nice. I did notice a few grammatical errors throughout your piece that I would fix. I think they were minor oversights but I would recommend running this piece through a grammar checker like Grammarly. The world you've created is amazing. I like all the fantasy elements but you mix in some other modern-day things to make it a really good urban fantasy fusion. I do think this has a lot of potentials, especially after fleshing out more of the world. You should look into continuing this and explore your creativity. You did a really good job of not having an info dump with such a short piece. I enjoyed reading this all in all and really like your writing style.

Keep up the great work! Async signing off.

Hi, hope you're having a great day ! or night)

About your first sentence, yes ! a thousand times yes ! definitely continue your story ! I won't be acting like a fan trying to force you to write, if you don't want to because you've lost interest or you just don't feel like your story holds up anymore- then don't. Move on. Write something else, really don't force yourself. Otherwise writing basically becomes a chore and what's the point of that.

Now, on to the story.

there's one or two things I wanted to say about the world building, I really liked the idea of adding this species, Rovers, in this. (I honestly thought the story was going to be about a tire or a car or something just be seeing the title. Like Rubber. (look it up that actually exists))

I didn't look it up, so maybe this fantasy species is already a thing, but since the elves and the humans were already pretty cliche, that added a nice little touch.

I feel like this introduction really interests the reader, but if you're planning on writing this, and you need to write a prologue, adding a hook would help to keep the reader invested. I'm unsure if this intro is your way of starting your story, but if it is, adding a hook would really help.

The grammar was pretty impeccable, there's just this one thing that I noticed

"meaning you had money, lots of money than you were considered less than." probably a typo

But otherwise, if you came to write something after that, would definitely read it has an interesting concept and I'd looove to know more.

just saying tho.. please.. pleaaaaase don't make her have superpowers halfway through, and she defeats everyone, and becomes the queen or something, and then frees her people by starting a revolution.
I mean the revolution part works but the superpowers.. just.. no.

So there u go, my little review about this work