z

Young Writers Society



Hunter chapter 13, 14 and 15

by EM8650


Chapter thirteen – The kidnapping

The next few weeks were practically normal run in the morning, breakfast with, Nick, Grace and Ethan. Classes in the afternoon before training with Nick until my shift at Golds started. Until one morning over breakfast Ethan confronted us about as he called it “a change in the air” it was then that I remembered the feeling n increased electrical fluency in the air a few weeks ago.

“So, you guys are sure you haven’t felt anything?” Ethan spoke, eyes wide and hopeful. “Now that you mention it.” I said. “I felt a slight change in the electrical pull about 3 weeks ago.” I could see Ethan letting out the breath he had clearly been holding. “I guess I just got used to it.”

It was at that moment that Grace decided to make herself heard. “Will someone please explain what you mean by change in the electrical pull? For those of us who weren’t brought up in the hunter world.” She asked in a way that made it sound like a complaint. “Right sorry Grace.” I answered. “When a large group of supernatural is gathered together in the same area, their demon blood reacts creating an electrical charge or pull that is carried through the air.” I said only slightly proud of myself for remembering.

She looked at me blankly before saying anything. “Ah. I half understood that.” She said. Ethan and I let out a low chuckle. “It gets easier.” Ethan continued. “Eventually.” The tone of his voice was light and energetic.

The rest of breakfast was relatively normal. Ethan asked abut work and Nick surprisingly asked both Grace and I about school. As it was a Saturday and therefore no classes the guys made the decision that we would spend the day training until my lunch time shift at Golds.

Grace followed me back inside and to my room after handing our dishes to Ethan. “So Violet.” She said shyly. “How would you and the guys feel if I started training with you?” Graces eyes were locked firmly on the ground. “I’m sure they would be fine with it Grace but you have to know that thing can get pretty intense. Are you sure?” I knew that it wouldn’t be a terrible idea for Grace to know how to defend herself especially now that she is involved and living in a house full of Supernatural demon half breed hunters.

She looked up at me. “Yes. I’m sure.” She replied sound only slightly timid. “Alright.” I said. “Go get changes into some workout clothes. She nodded once and left the room, when she was half way down the hallway I called out to her. “Hey Grace, practical running shoes.” We both laughed as she shut the door to her own room.

After giving the guys a quick explanation to why Grace was joining us we set out on our normal run. Through campus, along the old hiking trail behind the dorms and into the woods behind the college up into the alley behind Golds. We were about half way through our run when I looked back to check on Grace and was surprised to find that she was able to keep pace with us like it was nothing to her. Most non-hunter would never be able to match pace with a hunter born who was in their prime fitness.

Once we were all back at the apartments Nick gave out instructions for our next portion of training. “Bro, you take Grace through some basic training in hand to hand, stance and weapons holding.” He took a breath. “Hart you will work with me.”

We were around 30 minutes into hand to hand when I calla rest, taking a seat on the bench near the guys living room window I looked at Nick . “Nick.” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me when we first met.” He looked at me clueless. “About my blood, my parents.” He reached for my hand but I pulled away.

“Violet. I didn’t know you. I didn’t know how you would react.” I looked at him. “And after, after you got to know me. Why didn’t you tell me then.” I was still angry at him for keeping this secret from me but somehow found a way to push my feeling aside. Nick took a breath. “I was trying to protect you.” I was shock. He knew I didn’t like being protected, it was one of the first things I had told the guys. However, before I could speak a blood-curdling scream ripped through the air.

I knew instantly whom it belonged to and I bolted for the door and the stairs that lead to the front porch and yard. When I got there I was shocked to find Grace on her knees and Ethan gone.

I was at Graces side in a blink. She was muttering to herself. “I’m sorry, I tried to stop them but they…They hit me over the head with something knocking me off my feet.” I looked down at her trembling hands. They were covered in blood. “Nick.” I called out. “I’m going to take Grace inside to get cleaned up. I need you to canvas the exterior of the house then once you are inside make sure all the doors and window are locked.” I order not bothering to hide my annoyance at him.

He nodded as I helped Grace to her feet leading her into our apartment. After I was sure she wasn’t going to fall over I left her in the bathroom so she could shower and wash the blood away. Walking back through the house I found Nick standing frozen in the living room. “We are going to find him Nick.” I looked at him and he shuddered. “How… We don’t even know who took him.” He turned around to face me his eyes covered by a hazy, his shoulders rolled forward.

I didn’t know what to do, I had never seen Nick so upset or worried in the few months I had known him. Then it hit me. “Nick what if the change in the electrical currencies is because my mother and her vampire army are in town. I mean that would explain a lot and if that is the case she could be using Ethan to get to me.” I could hear the slight joy in my tone. Nick lifted his face to meet mine and nodded his head. “Maybe, but if that is true we can’t go up against them alone, Grace can barely throw a punch and no doubt they will have knock Ethan out.”

Nick made a valid point. There was no point in trying to rescue Ethan when it would be just the two of us up against an army of vampires. “Then we a few calls to hunters that we know are close.” Nick was already pulling out his phone. “You should go check on Grace.” He suggested.

Doing as Nick suggested I went back down the hall and into the bathroom. When I got there, I found Grace lying on the cold wet tile floor, tears streaming down her face. Placing an arm around her shoulders, I slowly helped her to her feet I wrapped a towel around her trembling body. I guided her down to her room and once she was safely inside, I spoke. “Grace I need to get dressed and get some rest.” She nodded as I left the room and closed the door behind myself.

Walking back through the apartment it was clear Nick was still making phone calls, which provided me with the perfect opportunity to go for a walk. After writing a quick note and posting it on the coffee pot, I tucked a knife into my boot and left.

If I knew Nick as well as I thought I did, I knew he would be making calls until we had a small army this meant I had more than enough time to get to where I was headed.

As I reached the corner of our street to turn left onto the main road I stopped, taking a breath, I made the right turn into the alley behind Golds. I continued to walk until I was at the beginning of the stone path were I was attacked just 2 months earlier. I could feel my knees buckling as I recalled the events of that night. That was the night I had first met Ethan and Nick that was the night that they saved my life. I could feel tears building up inside myself at the realization of what I had to do.

Chapter fourteen – That’s a girl

Bursting through the door of the apartment I was surprised to find Nick and Grace seated at the dining room table. “Your back.” Grace said nodding her hear in my direction. “I am.” I answered simply. “I’m back because I’m a hunter and I’m a Hart.” I took a breath.

“It’s time I live up to my family name.” I said sounded more confident than I was. “Wow.” Nick said his mouth in the shape of an o. “That a girl.” Grade said and she threw her arms around me. Once she took a few steps back I directed my attention to Nick. “Tell your contacts we leave tomorrow at dusk.” Then I turned and left the room.

I didn’t mean to but the second my head hit the pillow I feel into a light sleep that was quickly disturbed when something in my dreams changed and I started picturing Ethan tied up in a room with no windows being beaten.

I woke in a fluster my heart still beating at an unnaturally fast pace, dripping in sweat. It had felt so real. I climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen. I was surprised to see Nick sitting in the living room gazing at the stars. He let out a breath. “I could have stop it.” He said turning to me. “How?” I asked. “I could have been faster, I could of chosen to have us all training together instead of in pairs.” I could see that Nick was falling part. “He’s my younger brother Violet. I should have been able to save him.” I walked over to the couch and sat beside him.

“Your right. You could of saved him.” I said. “But you didn’t and it’s in the past there’s nothing you can do about it now except focus on the battle ahead of us and getting Ethan back. Nick look at me his eyes clouded with distress. “Violet about earlier. I know you don’t like it when people try to protect you but…” Nick took a breath. “I couldn’t help it. From the moment I met you all I have wanted to do is protect you. I’m so sorry Violet. “

I didn’t know what to say. I mean he knew I hated it when people tried to protect me. However, that didn’t matter anymore. The fact that he admitted it to me and apologised was enough for me. “I wish I could tell you that it’s all good Nick I really do but you broke trust and it will take time to fix that.” I took a breath. “Get some rest. You’re going to need to be at your best tomorrow.” Nick nodded his head, reluctantly left the room, and climbed the stairs to his own apartment. I turned to face her. Her face was soft but ridged. I could tell she was concerned.

Chapter fifth teen – losing a brother

(This chapter is written form Nick’s perspective)

I should have know that Violet wouldn’t have let the fact that I had kept a huge secret from her drop as easily as it appeared she had but still I let myself fall into a false sense. I had not expected her to bring it up while training, but that’s probably because the only time we talked during hand to hand is in the exchange of friendly bant or when I’m trying to get her to correct her stance.

To say that I was surprised when she chose that conversation topic would be more than accurate, but what surprised me more was the ear shredding scream that came from the front yard. Violet was out the door and on the stairs before I could say anything, dagger in her hand. Before my brain could possess what was happening my body went into autopilot and followed her onto the downstairs porch. Scanning the yard I could see Violet kneeling beside Grace, taking another look around before moving closer to the two girls I realised that Ethan was nowhere to be seen. I felt a pit forming in the bottom of my stomach.

“Nick.” I could hear Violets voice from beside me. “I’m going to take Grace inside to get cleaned up. I need you to canvas the exterior of the house then once you are inside make sure all the doors and window are locked.” I nodded and set about the task given. By the tone in her voice I could tell that Violet wasn’t bothering to hide her annoyance as she spoke.

After walking around the entire house twice, I headed back into the downstairs apartment but froze in the living room. . “We are going to find him Nick.” Violet said, as I turned almost startled at the fact that she had been able to walk up behind me without me knowing. “How….” I said weakly. “We don’t even know who took him?” After a few more minutes of conversation, Violet left to check on Grace and I slowly made my way upstairs and into mine and Ethan’s apartment.

Once inside behind locked door did I finally let the events of the day sink in fully. My brother, my best friend had been taken from me. Kidnaped and the only lead we had to go on way the changes in the electrical currents around town, and for the first time since I was 18 I was completely only. It didn’t matter that I had 2 of the only people I would ever consider friends recovering downstairs, I was still alone. Ethan had been the only person who I had ever let get close to me, he was only one who truly understood every side of me. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
4103 Reviews


Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103

Donate
Fri Jan 08, 2021 4:39 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! Its been a while since I read the last chapter, but here I am finally to read more. Hopefully I haven't forgotten too much of it.

First Impression: Well it has been a while but I think I managed to remember enough of the main points which is good because that means this story is pretty memorable. These chapters are pretty good on first glance but I'll get into more depth down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The next few weeks were practically normal run in the morning, breakfast with, Nick, Grace and Ethan. Classes in the afternoon before training with Nick until my shift at Golds started. Until one morning over breakfast Ethan confronted us about as he called it “a change in the air” it was then that I remembered the feeling n increased electrical fluency in the air a few weeks ago.


Oooh...well I don't quite remember if this was referenced earlier but it definitely sounds like a suitably spooky thing to get a plot moving and I like it.

“So, you guys are sure you haven’t felt anything?” Ethan spoke, eyes wide and hopeful. “Now that you mention it.” I said. “I felt a slight change in the electrical pull about 3 weeks ago.” I could see Ethan letting out the breath he had clearly been holding. “I guess I just got used to it.”


Okay...that makes sense for the most part.

It was at that moment that Grace decided to make herself heard. “Will someone please explain what you mean by change in the electrical pull? For those of us who weren’t brought up in the hunter world.” She asked in a way that made it sound like a complaint. “Right sorry Grace.” I answered. “When a large group of supernatural is gathered together in the same area, their demon blood reacts creating an electrical charge or pull that is carried through the air.” I said only slightly proud of myself for remembering.


Okay...slightly obvious way of expositioning things but well it doesn't mess up anything with the pacing so I suppose it can be allowed to slide.

She looked at me blankly before saying anything. “Ah. I half understood that.” She said. Ethan and I let out a low chuckle. “It gets easier.” Ethan continued. “Eventually.” The tone of his voice was light and energetic.


That's a good joke and all but I don't see how anything about that statement was hard to understand, it was a pretty clear explanation.

The rest of breakfast was relatively normal. Ethan asked abut work and Nick surprisingly asked both Grace and I about school. As it was a Saturday and therefore no classes the guys made the decision that we would spend the day training until my lunch time shift at Golds.


Training is good I think.

Grace followed me back inside and to my room after handing our dishes to Ethan. “So Violet.” She said shyly. “How would you and the guys feel if I started training with you?” Graces eyes were locked firmly on the ground. “I’m sure they would be fine with it Grace but you have to know that thing can get pretty intense. Are you sure?” I knew that it wouldn’t be a terrible idea for Grace to know how to defend herself especially now that she is involved and living in a house full of Supernatural demon half breed hunters.


Well that seems like a fairly logical decision to make I think.

After giving the guys a quick explanation to why Grace was joining us we set out on our normal run. Through campus, along the old hiking trail behind the dorms and into the woods behind the college up into the alley behind Golds. We were about half way through our run when I looked back to check on Grace and was surprised to find that she was able to keep pace with us like it was nothing to her. Most non-hunter would never be able to match pace with a hunter born who was in their prime fitness.


ANd why exactly is Grace able to do that? Do we get an explanation for that or do we assume she's just special or something?

We were around 30 minutes into hand to hand when I calla rest, taking a seat on the bench near the guys living room window I looked at Nick . “Nick.” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me when we first met.” He looked at me clueless. “About my blood, my parents.” He reached for my hand but I pulled away.

“Violet. I didn’t know you. I didn’t know how you would react.” I looked at him. “And after, after you got to know me. Why didn’t you tell me then.” I was still angry at him for keeping this secret from me but somehow found a way to push my feeling aside. Nick took a breath. “I was trying to protect you.” I was shock. He knew I didn’t like being protected, it was one of the first things I had told the guys. However, before I could speak a blood-curdling scream ripped through the air.


Well that was a great interruption to what looked like it was going to be quite an awkward conversation.

I knew instantly whom it belonged to and I bolted for the door and the stairs that lead to the front porch and yard. When I got there I was shocked to find Grace on her knees and Ethan gone.


Oh dear...

He nodded as I helped Grace to her feet leading her into our apartment. After I was sure she wasn’t going to fall over I left her in the bathroom so she could shower and wash the blood away. Walking back through the house I found Nick standing frozen in the living room. “We are going to find him Nick.” I looked at him and he shuddered. “How… We don’t even know who took him.” He turned around to face me his eyes covered by a hazy, his shoulders rolled forward.


Well I suppose the circumstances are grave enough for her to dismiss her annoyance to deal with this issue.

I didn’t know what to do, I had never seen Nick so upset or worried in the few months I had known him. Then it hit me. “Nick what if the change in the electrical currencies is because my mother and her vampire army are in town. I mean that would explain a lot and if that is the case she could be using Ethan to get to me.” I could hear the slight joy in my tone. Nick lifted his face to meet mine and nodded his head. “Maybe, but if that is true we can’t go up against them alone, Grace can barely throw a punch and no doubt they will have knock Ethan out.”


Well, I like that he's being logical here instead of charging in and trying to be a hero.

Nick made a valid point. There was no point in trying to rescue Ethan when it would be just the two of us up against an army of vampires. “Then we a few calls to hunters that we know are close.” Nick was already pulling out his phone. “You should go check on Grace.” He suggested.


Okay...looks like its going to be a army of hunters.

Doing as Nick suggested I went back down the hall and into the bathroom. When I got there, I found Grace lying on the cold wet tile floor, tears streaming down her face. Placing an arm around her shoulders, I slowly helped her to her feet I wrapped a towel around her trembling body. I guided her down to her room and once she was safely inside, I spoke. “Grace I need to get dressed and get some rest.” She nodded as I left the room and closed the door behind myself.


That was a pretty nice scene.

As I reached the corner of our street to turn left onto the main road I stopped, taking a breath, I made the right turn into the alley behind Golds. I continued to walk until I was at the beginning of the stone path were I was attacked just 2 months earlier. I could feel my knees buckling as I recalled the events of that night. That was the night I had first met Ethan and Nick that was the night that they saved my life. I could feel tears building up inside myself at the realization of what I had to do.


Oh dear, it looks like she's about to do something pretty serious.

Bursting through the door of the apartment I was surprised to find Nick and Grace seated at the dining room table. “Your back.” Grace said nodding her hear in my direction. “I am.” I answered simply. “I’m back because I’m a hunter and I’m a Hart.” I took a breath.


Okay...not quite sure what happened there but it looks like we're going to be heading towards an epic fight soon so I am not complaining.

I woke in a fluster my heart still beating at an unnaturally fast pace, dripping in sweat. It had felt so real. I climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen. I was surprised to see Nick sitting in the living room gazing at the stars. He let out a breath. “I could have stop it.” He said turning to me. “How?” I asked. “I could have been faster, I could of chosen to have us all training together instead of in pairs.” I could see that Nick was falling part. “He’s my younger brother Violet. I should have been able to save him.” I walked over to the couch and sat beside him.


Nightmares seem like a lovely detail to add in there...certainly makes it more realistic to have those in there.

“Your right. You could of saved him.” I said. “But you didn’t and it’s in the past there’s nothing you can do about it now except focus on the battle ahead of us and getting Ethan back. Nick look at me his eyes clouded with distress. “Violet about earlier. I know you don’t like it when people try to protect you but…” Nick took a breath. “I couldn’t help it. From the moment I met you all I have wanted to do is protect you. I’m so sorry Violet. “


I love here no nonsense approach there.

I didn’t know what to say. I mean he knew I hated it when people tried to protect me. However, that didn’t matter anymore. The fact that he admitted it to me and apologised was enough for me. “I wish I could tell you that it’s all good Nick I really do but you broke trust and it will take time to fix that.” I took a breath. “Get some rest. You’re going to need to be at your best tomorrow.” Nick nodded his head, reluctantly left the room, and climbed the stairs to his own apartment. I turned to face her. Her face was soft but ridged. I could tell she was concerned.


Well that was kind of a quick bit of forgiveness, let's see if it actually affects anything or not.

[qutoe]I should have know that Violet wouldn’t have let the fact that I had kept a huge secret from her drop as easily as it appeared she had but still I let myself fall into a false sense. I had not expected her to bring it up while training, but that’s probably because the only time we talked during hand to hand is in the exchange of friendly bant or when I’m trying to get her to correct her stance.[/quote]

Yeah you definitely should have known that.

To say that I was surprised when she chose that conversation topic would be more than accurate, but what surprised me more was the ear shredding scream that came from the front yard. Violet was out the door and on the stairs before I could say anything, dagger in her hand. Before my brain could possess what was happening my body went into autopilot and followed her onto the downstairs porch. Scanning the yard I could see Violet kneeling beside Grace, taking another look around before moving closer to the two girls I realised that Ethan was nowhere to be seen. I felt a pit forming in the bottom of my stomach.


Ohh..so we're relieving things from his perspective, well that's actually pretty good to see, just to figure out what he thinks of the whole thing.

Once inside behind locked door did I finally let the events of the day sink in fully. My brother, my best friend had been taken from me. Kidnaped and the only lead we had to go on way the changes in the electrical currents around town, and for the first time since I was 18 I was completely only. It didn’t matter that I had 2 of the only people I would ever consider friends recovering downstairs, I was still alone. Ethan had been the only person who I had ever let get close to me, he was only one who truly understood every side of me.


That part does actually bring up a decent bit of emotion. Good job there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I liked the 15th chapter the best I think. It was good to get another perspective on things. It was a touch more repetitive than I would have liked but I think it is still quite a useful chapter just to get Nick's perspective on things.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
125 Reviews


Points: 10344
Reviews: 125

Donate
Sat Nov 28, 2020 3:05 am
View Likes
ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Hola~
Here to conquer your word and polish your thoughts!
I am here for a review and to tell you that I enjoyed reading this although I haven't read any part of this book. I really like the dialogue that is said between the characters. And I love how you wrote this out in the first-person perspective. I think this is a well-written piece of the story.

I love this part of the story but I also have some suggestions for it. Please remember that grammar isn't as much as important as the writing itself and I am just being grammary! :)

The next few weeks were practically normal run in the morning, breakfast with, Nick, Grace and Ethan. Classes in the afternoon before training with Nick until my shift at Golds started. Until one morning over breakfast Ethan confronted us about as he called it “a change in the air” it was then that I remembered the feeling n increased electrical fluency in the air a few weeks ago.


You should put a comma after "Grace", and after "breakfast".

Ethan asked abut work and Nick surprisingly asked both Grace and I about school


"abut" is spelled "about"

Graces eyes were locked firmly on the ground.


"Graces eyes" should be "Grace's eyes".

“Go get changes into some workout clothes. She nodded once and left the room, when she was half way down the hallway I called out to her. “Hey Grace, practical running shoes.”


"Go get changes" should be "Go get changed".

Once we were all back at the apartments Nick gave out instructions for our next portion of training.


"portion of training" should be "portion of the training", I think.

“Bro, you take Grace through some basic training in hand to hand, stance and weapons holding.”


You need a comma just before "and" I think.

We were around 30 minutes into hand to hand when I calla rest,


"calla rest" should be "call a rest"...

I was shock.


"was" means it's pasted tense so "shock" needs to be change to pasted tense as well. "I was shocked".

I need you to canvas the exterior of the house then once you are inside make sure all the doors and window are locked.


"window" should be "windows" unless there is only one window...

I continued to walk until I was at the beginning of the stone path were I was attacked just 2 months earlier


"were" should be "where".

Grace said nodding her hear in my direction.


"hear" I assume was supposed to be "head".

I didn’t mean to but the second my head hit the pillow I feel into a light sleep that was quickly disturbed when something in my dreams changed and I started picturing Ethan tied up in a room with no windows being beaten.


I think this sentence is a bit too long, you should shorten it up by separating it. By "feel" did you meant to say "fell"?

“I could have stop it.”


"stop" should be "stopped" since this story is written in pasted tense.

[/qoute] “I could have been faster, I could of chosen to have us all training together instead of in pairs.”
[/quote]

" I could of chosen" should be "I could have chosen"

I could see that Nick was falling part.


"falling part" should be "falling apart".

You could of saved him.


"You could of saved him." should be "You could have saved him".

Chapter fifth teen – losing a brother
(This chapter is written form Nick’s perspective)


"(This chapter is written form Nick's perspective)" should be, "(This chapter is written from Nick's perspective)"

I should have know that Violet wouldn’t have let the fact that I had kept a huge secret from her drop as easily as it appeared she had but still I let myself fall into a false sense.


"I should have know" should be "I should have known".

I could hear Violets voice from beside me.



By "Violets voice" do you mean "Violet's voice?

My brother, my best friend had been taken from me. Kidnaped and the only lead we had to go on way the changes in the electrical currents around town, and for the first time since I was 18 I was completely only.


You need a comma after "I was 18" .

I enjoyed reading this chapter and would love to read and review any of your work if you ever need any!

Thank you for sharing this!
Keep up the beautiful stories~

~Chris




EM8650 says...


Thank you for the review!
If you enjoyed reading this you can find the previous chapters in my portfolio.




Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman