Hunter chapters 9 and 10

by EM8650

Published September 12, 2020

12+

In My writing

Chapter nine – What is trust

Ethan had sent Nick a message saying he had found Grace and was going to make sure she got back to her car ok after her explained everything to her and that he would meet us back at the apartments. Seeing as we had all come in Graces car I thought it best to just walk home instead of asking her for a ride. The only problem with that was I had to walk with Nick.

Nick hadn’t said a word since I had asked him what the shifter had been talking about when it said that him and Ethan weren’t telling me the truth. By the time we were at the start of our street had, had enough of his silence. “Nick, what was the dam shifter talking about?” my words were harsh but they needed to be if I was going to get my point across. “Violet, I am not having this conversation with you now.” I looked at him in astonishment. “Listen, it’s late. Let’s just talk about this in the morning, when Ethan’s back.” I looked at him, anger in my eyes as I shook my head. We were outside the apartments now. “Fine. Have it your way Parker.” I unlocked my door taking one final breath before stepping inside and slamming it behind me.

Now that I was inside, I let the exhaustion over take me and collapsed onto the floor. My mind going over all the events of this evening. I found out the guys were keeping a major secret from me, my best friend saw me kill a shifter and ran off into the wood and I had figured out exactly how I felt about both the brothers. At that, I let my mind wonder off to when Ethan kissed me and the hurt I saw in Nicks eyes when I pulled away.

Yes, I loved Ethan but I wasn’t in love with him, I didn’t crave his touch, I didn’t see him out in my dreams. Nick on the other hand, I longed him; i didn’t just crave his touch I needed it. I was in love with Nick Parker. No matter how much I wished that I wasn’t, I was. I knew it wrong to want him the way I did especially after he had lied to me and then refused to tell me the truth. What made it all worse was that I couldn’t even trust him or Ethan anymore. I had to get over my feelings for him.

I had passed out on the floor just inside the apartment and slept for around 2 hours before the cold tile became too much and I crawled up the hallway to my bedroom. Still in my hunting clothes, I pulled off my boots and slipped under my covers. Sleep didn’t last very long though, I woke before the sun had even started to rise and was covered in sweat. Deciding I wasn’t going to get anymore sleep I climbed out of bed. After walking across the room to the adjoined bathroom, I turned on the shower. The water was cold against my feverish skin. Turning off the water, I wrapped my towel around my wet body. Using my fingers, I combed through my sopping hair, untangling any nots.

Once I was dry, I pulled on my sweat pants and a sports bra before tying my hair in a messy bun at the top of my head. The sun had just stared to appear over the horizon as I sat down at my desk with my Russian history textbook and a highlighter. It was a strange feeling, to be sitting at my desk studying for a Russian history exam when only a few hour earlier I was killing a shifter.

By 6:30, my craving for coffee was too distracting for me to be able to focus properly. So at the risk of running into Nick and Ethan I grabbed my phone and slipped on my shoes. I had managed to make it out of the apartment and to the campus café without running into the guys but wasn’t so lucky on my way home. I was standing on my porch looking for my key when a voice from behind me said.

“Morning Hart.” I knew instantly that it was Nick. “Unless you are going to explain last night then I don’t want to hear your voice. Understood.” I said only slightly pique as I turned to face his arms crossed around my stomach. “Sit with me. Please Violet.” Nick said taking a seat on one of the chairs. As much as I didn’t want to I knew if I wanted him to explain I would have to, so I did.

“About two and a half years ago we heard rumours that your family was being hunted, concerned we offered our services. You parents were reluctant at first so we gave them a way to contact us and booked a room. I think it was three days later we received a phone call and your dad asked us to come over.” I could tell nick was worried about telling me this so I kept my mouth shut.

“He told us that the rumours were true and that they were being hunted more specifically his 15 year old daughter. That was when he told us the reason they were hunting you was because your blood was special. It was tainted.” Nick paused taking a few deep breaths.

“Violet your parents. They aren’t you real parents. In fact they were you mothers older brother and his wife. Your mother, your real mother was a hunter like her brother yes but when she was 24, she was bitten. Refusing the transition, she became a revenant. Stuck in a place between life and death. Your farther was a hunter but not just any hunter he was a Sinclair.” I was in shock. How could he have not told me that my blood was tainted?

“It is believed that just one drop of your blood can kill any supernatural being. Your mother killed your father just after she completed the transition.” It was my turn to speak and I was angry. “You have known that I was being hunted, that the people who raised me weren’t my real parents and that my blood was tainted for the past 2 and half years and you didn’t think to tell me!” I was yelling now. “How could you keep something like that a secret from me Nick.” I could feel tear forming in my eyes, threatening to spill but I didn’t care. “How do I know you’re not keeping other things from me?” I could feel a cold tears falling down cheeks now. “How do you expect me to be able to trust you now?” Nick reach for my hand. “No!” I yelled, “Don’t touch me Nick.” I could see that my words had hurt Nick but he had hurt me more.

I could not stand to be in his presence any more. I stood and walked inside locking the door behind me so he couldn’t follow. I Didn’t know what hurt more, the truth or the fact that Nick and Ethan had lied to me. Back in my room, I let the rest of my tears fall as I curled up on the bed. Still pissed with Nick I pulled my pillow over my face and screamed. 

Chapter ten – Mummies little fledgling

It had been nearly a week since Nick had told me about my parents and about my blood. I had been making a point of avoiding him and Ethan by studying at the library and taking a few extra shifts at golds. I assumed that they got the hint because after 2 days they stopped wait outside on the porch in hopes I would talk to them. Unfortunately, even though I was still mad at them I was starting to miss them but I wasn’t ready to face the reality yet.

I was shocked when Grace showed up on my doorstep a few days later. “I didn’t think you were ever going to talk to me again.” I said nervously. “That makes 2 of us.” Grace replied weakly. “Grace listen. I’m really sorry you had to see that. I wish I could have just kept you out of my crazy world.” Grade took another sip of the beer I had handed her when she first arrived before speaking. “It wouldn’t have helped Violet.” She took a breath. “I was pulled into this world year ago. I, I guess I tried so hard to forget that I almost did.” I could hear to silent sobs behind her words. “Violet. You need to forgive the guys. They made a mistake and I’m sure they feel terrible about it.” She was right. Yes, they had made a mistake but it was time I forgave them. “Grace.” I continue. “What happened?” I asked but just as she was about to answer the front door was shoved open.

“Violet.” Yelled Nick. “We have a problem you need to come with us.” I turned to Grace. “Stay here till we get back please.” She nodded and I checked my boot for my blade. After checking it was there, I headed for the front door throwing one last look over my shoulder to Grace before leaving.

Running down the driveway, I joined Nick in a light jog to campus. “I know your still mad but.” I interrupted Nick. “Forget it just what’s going on.” I knew it would take a lot more than Grace telling to get over it for me to stop being mad but talking to the guys was a start. “3 bodies all drained of blood; Ethan overheard the police talking about it while he was getting a coffee from campus.” Nick said. “They were found in a storage room in one of the science labs. He’s waiting for us on campus.” We jogged the rest of the way in silence and once we found Ethan, he filled us in on everything.

“So were after a vampire?” I asked. Nick turned to me. “Yes Hart we are.” We had spent the past few hours on campus waiting until sun down to start the hunt. Ethan had insisted on going solo this hunt despite my best efforts to get the boys to let me go solo. Which meant I was stuck with Nick.

The two of us had been patrolling campus for just over an hour and had seen nothing. Grace had called me to tell me she was at her dorm and was all right but before either of us could hang up the phone, I heard her scream. Dropping my phone, I bolted in the direction of Graces dorm, Nick close behind me. “Violet. What happened?” asked Nick as he drew closer.

I stopped just outside the window peering inside I could see that Grace was not alone. I could see the look of horror that covered he face fade sightly when she spotted me. Adjusting the angle of my head, I could now see that the second person had fangs. I gestured for Nick to look over my shoulder. When Nick mouthed the words, “on three.” I moved over to the door. I took the lead stepping into the room landing a firm kick in the centre of the vampires back.

The creature turned to me; I could see the blood dripping from its mouth and chin when it snarled at me. Fangs bared. After dogging a few punches, I took my chance and knock the vampire to the ground. I had my dagger raised ready to drive it into the creature’s chest but before I could, it spoke. “Mummy says hi.” It smile one final time showing its fangs. Before I could second-guess myself, I plunged my blade deep into the Vampires heart.  

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
IcyFlame
Review
IcyFlame wrote a review Review · Sep 29, 2020

Right let's clear this one out of the green room!
You may have noticed in my previous review that I've stopped commenting on
grammar/spelling issues. That's because I'm assuming it's something you'll catch when editing but please let me know if you'd like me to focus on that in future reviews :)

Ok, onto the review:

Seeing as we had all come in Graces car I thought it best to just walk home instead of asking her for a ride.

Are they close enough to walk? Won't that take forever? Why not just call a cab?

I'm glad Nick doesn't tell her what's going on right away. That seems more believable to me rather than her asking and having a question immediately answered. It would make sense that he wants to wait for Ethan, perhaps so he has some back up in case she gets mad at them.

“About two and a half years ago we heard rumours that your family was being hunted, concerned we offered our services. You parents were reluctant at first so we gave them a way to contact us and booked a room. I think it was three days later we received a phone call and your dad asked us to come over.” I could tell nick was worried about telling me this so I kept my mouth shut.

Two and a half years?! Wow, she has every right to be angry with him!

I could not stand to be in his presence any more. I stood and walked inside locking the door behind me so he couldn’t follow. I Didn’t know what hurt more, the truth or the fact that Nick and Ethan had lied to me. Back in my room, I let the rest of my tears fall as I curled up on the bed. Still pissed with Nick I pulled my pillow over my face and screamed.

Good, I'm glad she hasn't forgiven him quickly! This is really big life-changing stuff and gives you a good excuse to rebuild the relationship with Nick and Ethan - I like it!



Yes, I loved Ethan but I wasn’t in love with him, I didn’t crave his touch, I didn’t see him out in my dreams. Nick on the other hand, I longed him; i didn’t just crave his touch I needed it. I was in love with Nick Parker.

This still feels quite soon but I guess a fair amount of time has passed since she met both of them. It would be good to see some more of their interactions before this point, because I think that would add to the perception of time having passed. Also, I don't really understand at this point why she loves him other than the fact he's good looking. I'd really like to see some more of his personality rather than just have Violet telling us how wonderful he is.
This definitely makes sense for her character though, and explains why she's so hurt at the fact that there's something he hasn't told her. I do wonder about her internal conflict though, because won't she be worried about upsetting Ethan/hurting his feelings. I mean, out of the two of them he's the one who's made it clear he likes her.

I had passed out on the floor just inside the apartment and slept for around 2 hours before the cold tile became too much and I crawled up the hallway to my bedroom. Still in my hunting clothes, I pulled off my boots and slipped under my covers. Sleep didn’t last very long though, I woke before the sun had even started to rise and was covered in sweat. Deciding I wasn’t going to get anymore sleep I climbed out of bed. After walking across the room to the adjoined bathroom, I turned on the shower. The water was cold against my feverish skin. Turning off the water, I wrapped my towel around my wet body. Using my fingers, I combed through my sopping hair, untangling any nots.

Some good description here, keep it up! :)

I was shocked when Grace showed up on my doorstep a few days later. “I didn’t think you were ever going to talk to me again.” I said nervously.

Did Violet try and get in contact with her? That would be a good thing to show.

“Violet.” Yelled Nick. “We have a problem you need to come with us.” I turned to Grace. “Stay here till we get back please.”

That's very quick of her to go with him with no explanation.

Grace had called me to tell me she was at her dorm and was all right but before either of us could hang up the phone, I heard her scream.

Try to show not tell here.

“Mummy says hi.” It smile one final time showing its fangs. Before I could second-guess myself, I plunged my blade deep into the Vampires heart.

Ah, a good plot twist!

I can really see your writing improving through each of these posts. Just don't forget a new line when someone different is speaking - I think even that simple change will really help for the reader!
The plot seems to really be picking up now so I['m looking forward to seeing where you take this. One little tip I would give you is to try writing a character profile for each of your main characters (you can find some good ones online). It can help with fleshing out other characters so it doesn't just feel like their only purpose is to interact with your main character and lets you think more about their storylines too!

Hope this has helped.

Icy

EM8650 replied · Sep 30, 2020

Thank for the review.
Hope your enjoying the story so far.

User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Sep 14, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: So we certainly get a lot of things answered in this chapter. That's for sure. There's just so much to unpack in this one and its all really well done. I really like the idea of these shifters, they seem like some pretty scary monsters and then the reveal about Violet's blood is also pretty neat. This story is really going along nicely although I do feel that the romantic scenes just seems super rushed in terms of the pacing of that relationship.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Ethan had sent Nick a message saying he had found Grace and was going to make sure she got back to her car ok after her explained everything to her and that he would meet us back at the apartments. Seeing as we had all come in Graces car I thought it best to just walk home instead of asking her for a ride. The only problem with that was I had to walk with Nick.


And of course that would lead to several issues.

Nick hadn’t said a word since I had asked him what the shifter had been talking about when it said that him and Ethan weren’t telling me the truth. By the time we were at the start of our street had, had enough of his silence. “Nick, what was the dam shifter talking about?” my words were harsh but they needed to be if I was going to get my point across. “Violet, I am not having this conversation with you now.” I looked at him in astonishment. “Listen, it’s late. Let’s just talk about this in the morning, when Ethan’s back.” I looked at him, anger in my eyes as I shook my head. We were outside the apartments now. “Fine. Have it your way Parker.” I unlocked my door taking one final breath before stepping inside and slamming it behind me.


Oh dear this is all happening very fast...at least she is technically still a teenager so all these sudden mood swings do make sense and definitely adds to her character quite well too.

Now that I was inside, I let the exhaustion over take me and collapsed onto the floor. My mind going over all the events of this evening. I found out the guys were keeping a major secret from me, my best friend saw me kill a shifter and ran off into the wood and I had figured out exactly how I felt about both the brothers. At that, I let my mind wonder off to when Ethan kissed me and the hurt I saw in Nicks eyes when I pulled away.


Well that just summed up that previous chapter and all the mysteries really well.

Yes, I loved Ethan but I wasn’t in love with him, I didn’t crave his touch, I didn’t see him out in my dreams. Nick on the other hand, I longed him; i didn’t just crave his touch I needed it. I was in love with Nick Parker. No matter how much I wished that I wasn’t, I was. I knew it wrong to want him the way I did especially after he had lied to me and then refused to tell me the truth. What made it all worse was that I couldn’t even trust him or Ethan anymore. I had to get over my feelings for him.


Wow this story just has like the quickest love related change of mind situation I've ever seen. They just jump back and forth between love and hate so fast.

By 6:30, my craving for coffee was too distracting for me to be able to focus properly. So at the risk of running into Nick and Ethan I grabbed my phone and slipped on my shoes. I had managed to make it out of the apartment and to the campus café without running into the guys but wasn’t so lucky on my way home. I was standing on my porch looking for my key when a voice from behind me said.


And I believe the drama begins from this point...

“He told us that the rumours were true and that they were being hunted more specifically his 15 year old daughter. That was when he told us the reason they were hunting you was because your blood was special. It was tainted.” Nick paused taking a few deep breaths.


Well he's taking the elaborate route here. Considering the emotions surrounding this I would expect Nick to be a little more direct in giving this explanation rather than this elaborate foreward to it.

I could not stand to be in his presence any more. I stood and walked inside locking the door behind me so he couldn’t follow. I Didn’t know what hurt more, the truth or the fact that Nick and Ethan had lied to me. Back in my room, I let the rest of my tears fall as I curled up on the bed. Still pissed with Nick I pulled my pillow over my face and screamed.


And we have our drama. Definitely a really well written reaction there for Violet. That's definitely pretty true to how it would go down in real life is someone kept that big of a secret from you.

I was shocked when Grace showed up on my doorstep a few days later. “I didn’t think you were ever going to talk to me again.” I said nervously. “That makes 2 of us.” Grace replied weakly. “Grace listen. I’m really sorry you had to see that. I wish I could have just kept you out of my crazy world.” Grade took another sip of the beer I had handed her when she first arrived before speaking. “It wouldn’t have helped Violet.” She took a breath. “I was pulled into this world year ago. I, I guess I tried so hard to forget that I almost did.” I could hear to silent sobs behind her words. “Violet. You need to forgive the guys. They made a mistake and I’m sure they feel terrible about it.” She was right. Yes, they had made a mistake but it was time I forgave them. “Grace.” I continue. “What happened?” I asked but just as she was about to answer the front door was shoved open.


Okayy....why is Grace supporting these guys that she barely knows a thing about instead of her actual friend. That seems kinda unlikely.

Running down the driveway, I joined Nick in a light jog to campus. “I know your still mad but.” I interrupted Nick. “Forget it just what’s going on.” I knew it would take a lot more than Grace telling to get over it for me to stop being mad but talking to the guys was a start. “3 bodies all drained of blood; Ethan overheard the police talking about it while he was getting a coffee from campus.” Nick said. “They were found in a storage room in one of the science labs. He’s waiting for us on campus.” We jogged the rest of the way in silence and once we found Ethan, he filled us in on everything.


And even more excitement now...I really like how action packed these chapters have become at this point.

The creature turned to me; I could see the blood dripping from its mouth and chin when it snarled at me. Fangs bared. After dogging a few punches, I took my chance and knock the vampire to the ground. I had my dagger raised ready to drive it into the creature’s chest but before I could, it spoke. “Mummy says hi.” It smile one final time showing its fangs. Before I could second-guess myself, I plunged my blade deep into the Vampires heart.


Interesting choice of final words there...now I really can't wait for you to release more chapters of this to find out what happened.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a pretty fun chapter to read and I know that I certainly enjoyed it quite a bit. I'm really liking all the world building that you've done. Grace also looks like she's maybe here to stay and join in on all the monster hunting action and I love that. This really is shaping up to be quite something here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

EM8650 replied · Sep 15, 2020

Thank you.
I hope your enjoying the story so far.

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EM8650
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EM8650 commented Comment · Sep 12, 2020

I have to apologize chapter 10 is not my best work



I hope everyone's safe and sound and has some potatoes in the pantry.
— Arcticus