The cabin was silent all the way to where Lestili was taking him. Janny didn't even bother to ask where that was. He'd find out soon enough anyway, he was sure. The absolute silence was actually somewhat impressive, Janny noted several hours into their journey. But that was probably the point of a stealth ship, of course. He even rested his eyes for a while, realising that it had already been late evening when the disco on the Hub had started. Finally, there was a rustling of fabric as Lestili sat forward in her chair.
"Navigation: manual control," she said. The craft came to a sudden stop but juddered forward a moment later as Lestili squeezed the steering wheel. She explained, "We swap crafts around a lot in TIPO so I don't keep the route to my personal Hide Hole programmed in."
Janny shrugged. "Uh huh."
"Come on, mate," Lestili said. She didn't look round, but her voice was soft. "I'm sorry about the mixup. Really, I am. But my hands are tied. I'm going to send you off to a place people sometimes go until things boil over. I'll bring you back when your picture's not being circulated around every Hub entry administration, as long as you agree to not undermine the work of TIPO."
Janny didn't say anything. He watched Lestili's eyes screw up as she guided the craft. The screen had switched to a view of their immediate surroundings but Janny could barely make anything out. There was darkness, a few stars in the distance, and some faint lines shifting around that disappeared if Janny didn't watch them closely. But Lestili seemed to know exactly what she was doing and soon brought them to a stop. It occurred to him it might be worth asking what would happen if he did tell anyone what had happened, but somehow he thought it wouldn’t be too difficult a task for Lestili to track him down and take him away from home again.
Lestili leaned to the right and held her mouth close to a grey circle on the console. "Key: one four six, three two nine."
There was a faint rumbling sound and a square of dim light began to creep down the screen. Lestili had them drift forward through it. They stopped again as she called out to some sort of system to close the door. Then they picked up some proper speed and glided downwards.
Lestili rose from her chair and stretched her arms. "Alright, out you get then."
She had started walking towards the door as Janny got to his feet. Janny darted over to her.
"I can breathe out there?" he asked. "What even is a Hide Hole anyways?"
She swung the door open then turned to face him. "Don’t worry. I pumped this place full of breathable air when I set it up. Bought a new canister at the Hub as well. Hear that hiss? That’s it refilling. It’s a common technique really.”That must be what Ennet and Grescin did in their hide place… rock… thing.”
Lestili looked round at him. “Fancy telling me more about where your friends went when I was chasing them?”
Janny chewed his bottom lip, suddenly feeling the fact that he was stuck in this being’s captivity. “I don’t know… They trusted me with that information.”
Lestili rolled her eyes. “They were going to take that information away from you. You sure you’re not a Scentian?”
Janny didn’t answer. Instead he looked past her into the room they’d entered. The light was typically dim for an Endoleon’s place but he thought he could just about make out four walls, a floor and a ceiling. All were jet black, and the far wall was at least fifty metres away. There were large dark shapes jutting out from the walls and the ground all over the place but Janny was too far away from any of them to see what they were. He crouched down and tapped the floor. It seemed to be metal.
“Is this whole box artificial?” he asked. “What’re all those things over there?”
Lestili had moved away to the wall behind them. Janny could make out the bottom of a set of stairs but they went up too far for him to be able to make out the top in the darkness.
She leaned against the wall. “It’s a place I can come if I ever need to hide out for a little while. I got the materials and plans from the Hub, then dragged everything over magnetically. As for the stuff over there - chairs, food-heaters, temperature regulators, a television… This is my home… A home amongst the stars.”
Lestili was just close enough that Janny could see a wide smile spread across her face. She glanced about, which he supposed was less pointless when you had an Endoleon’s eyesight. He wondered what items she was looking at, which ones meant most to her, when suddenly she clapped her hands together and put her foot on the first step of the stairs.
“Right, let’s get you into the shuttle craft,” she said. “Before the SRA brings the entire region to a stop.”
Janny sighed and followed her up the steps, staring at his feet to make sure he didn’t stumble on any of the steps. They were climbing higher and higher and Janny wasn’t sure he could stop his form from slipping through the thin, widely spaced railing bars if he fell into it. Finally they reached a wider platform with the tiniest craft Janny had seen in his life in the middle.
“I’m going to have to crouch to get in this,” he said, craning over to look in the little front window.
“You’re a Fladian,” Lestili said, spreading her arms wide. “Reform yourself.”
“That,” Janny said, “is a recipe for some serious cramp.”
Still, he crouched down and leaned over, sliding sideways into the cabin, which took up most of the craft’s space. Lestili kneeled down so she could look in the door.
“It’s quite a small engine, as you may have noticed, but you’re also not in too much of a rush. There’s some carb-bars in that little box at your feet, and they’ve been calculated to get you there but not take up any more space than that, so only take what the instructions tell you to. Oh, and-” She popped a finger off and let it crawl along the ceiling. There was a clicking sound and a bright white light clicked on. Lestili shaded her eyes with one hand as she reattached the finger on the other. She said, “So you have something to read the instructions by.”
Janny looked up at her, slightly lower down than her even though she was kneeling. “Are you sure I can’t just go back to the Hub right now? I promise I won’t say anything.”
Lestili craned her neck down - the one part of an Endoleon that couldn’t detach was the head - and looked him in the eyes. “No, Janny. The SRA are trying to disrupt the order of society, destroy trade and undermine Endoleon-Fladian relations. This is for your own good.”
Lestili’s frown was deep, and her nose was twitching. Janny decided he definitely wouldn’t be telling people about all this when he eventually got back to the Hub.
“Fine,” he said. “Close the door, I suppose.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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And more reviewing ensues.
First Impression: Okay this is moving fast...kind of. At least she did apologize. And now he's stuck until he is allowed to return. I hope he doesn't lose is job over all of this.
Anyway let's get to it,
Well that's interesting although now I have to wonder about that earlier statement and these crafts being meant for more than one person. (Or did I forget something?)
That was a pretty nice description there. Also so is he not thinking out aloud this time. He doesn't appear to be trying hard to keep his words in either.
She said this loud enough for Janny to hear?
So after he refused to answer she just forget about that question? Did she decide that the information wasn't worth it or something?
That sounds like a neat plan that could have easily been seen by many other TIPO ships in the area but it does sound like a really cool idea.
Isn't the SRA like the weaker force in this conflict with them being some kind of badly funded resistance?
Interesting development.
I do hope the poor guy gets to go home at the end of this story.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Okayy...more things added to the plot. But the direction it's headed in is fairly clear and I see no holes so far. Lestili's character was developed pretty well in the few minutes that we got to know her. Now let's see where this goes from here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Bisc!
I,,, think I know what you mean by this, but the way it's worded doesn't... flow that great? Perhaps something like, "The cabin remained silent as Lestili piloted them... wherever it was she was taking him. Janny hadn't bothered to ask where that was." Or, y'know, something like that? Then it's not 1) worded oddly and 2) doesn't jump ahead to the future? Since they aren't at their destination yet, how does Janny know for sure that it'll be entirely silent until they reach where they're going?
(hopefully that makes sense xD)
It's really interesting that despite what they put him through, Janny seems to feel some odd sense of loyalty towards Ennet and Grescin? (I HOPE that's who your referring to anyway whoops if it's not) Or maybe not loyalty isn't the way to describe it, but just... he was entrusted with a secret, and he doesn't want to break that secrecy, even though the people who gave it to him were going to mind wipe him and threatened him with harm? I love how you're letting his personality come into play like this! (I mean, he also could just... not want to give Lestili anything, because she got him mixed up in a Kidnapping Bonus Round)
OOP that gave me a little vertigo actually just by imagining it aha good job with description here!
I like the flavour for the form molding! I don't,,, remember if we've seen much of this before? Maybe he has had a little bit of pain/side effects from reforming. I can't remember, and if eh has, I apologise.
ahaha ew
everyone: *whole disruption of society, destruction of trade and relationships between species*
Janny: *just wants to go home*
he's precious and also what a mood.
I think that's all I have for this chapter! I don't think I have much else to say about it, except great job!
I hope you're have a wonderful day/night/time, and I'll catch you around later! <3
Heya Biscuits!



Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I am here to give you a very short review for Review Day! Let's get started, now, shall we? Alright!
I -- again -- have not read the rest of your story, but I feel like I'm getting the idea of what is happening. Janny seems like an interesting character, and you have made him well. It seems to me that Lestili is from neither the good side or bad side. She is just... Doing her job, is it? Yeah. This seems cool. Oh, and these creatures are not human, am I right? They're... Fladians, is what you call it, right? Interesting names.
I didn't see any grammar, spelling, or punctuation problems, so that seems good. And your pacing is really nice too. You don't go too fast or too slow. Fabulous!
Alright, so I didn't have much to say in this review, but if you have an questions or if you were confused about something, feel free to ask me whenever. I hope this review was helpful!
Keep on writing and Happy Review Day!
~Liberty
Hi back again and I am very happy that I am the first one to review your work and honored too. Let us get started the story is great and interesting to read actually. I did not read from the beginning of chapter 1 but what I learnt from the character Jenny is that he is brave and likes exploring things from my view. Ending is amazing even though I was heartbroken that it was the end which I wanted to read more of. This is a nice story to read and fun, it takes you to another world of imagination which is filled of adventure. You rally good at what you do and keep it up. you really talented can not wait to read more of your work