Going to the store,
As I open the door,
Nobody knew,
What I was for,
I heard about it's lore,
For it was my core,
Bond's
Wiggly Bond's
**************************
Sittin' in the couch,
Watchin' Suess' Grouch,
Only to say "Ouch",
My chest, heart
As I fart,
It is beautiful,
I should have watched Bond
**************************
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I like Jelly,
I wonder if you do?
It fills my belly,
Vooooooo
Goes the Jelly
That's me!
EDITS:
9/13/2015
Changed "I open the door" to "As I open the door"
Changed " Booooooo" to "Vooooooo".
Hope you liked it!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
I thought this poem was adorable and it made me awkwardly giggle out loud in front of my mum. But eh, I'm known for awkward things like that, especially since I have this site for people to make me laugh on. But anyway, funny poem!
This bit was confusing to me, why was the Jello, or whoever the character was, in pain?
I do appreciate the fact that you took the time to create a rhyme scheme and still keep the poem comical for your readers. You're a great writer! Rhyme schemes are hard to come up with, which is mostly why my poetry is all free verse.
Another thing, it would be better to separate this into stanzas. I know you have already sort of done this, but these are too long to be stanzas. Organization of a poem goes a long way and makes the poem look much better and neater. It doesn't necessarily look untidy at the moment, but it could be better.
Another thing I would recommend is that you use describing words and create imagery. Yes, the poem is great and funny the way it is, and very simple, but imagery does hook the reader into the poem. That may just be me!
Nice work. Happy Review Day!
✖︎
Though this made me giggle, I think you tried to hard to rhyme. Not all poems have to rhyme, but they are supposed to have a "main idea" and/or "basis" you know the words, in which you are writing, need a main idea to grasp onto. Just something to help you with future writing!
Thanks, for the info!
Wha...???? OK I gotta say that wasn't THE funniest. I didn't really understand the first one, and it felt like the rhyme was forced. It didn't flow.
"Only to say "Ouch"" didn't really make sense to me either. I however, agree with Aretmis. The poem is random. It doesn't make very much sense. Something funny about jello would be more useful in this poem. The only thing that somewhat made sense is the last poem.
I'm sorry if this sounded mean, but this is a site where people critique other people's work with honesty, so thats exactly what I'm doing. Sorry.
I knew the first one was a little bad and others were really random. You weren't that mean, anyways thanks for the review!
I love this poem, its so funny, I know that's really random but that's what makes it funny. The rhyme is nice and the words are very simple, a poem for all ages.
I wish a lot of poems were like this because most of them are so sad and make you fell like you want to cry. But this Poem? Is the complete oppsite it so funny and gives a smile to any reader.
Bye and keep writing with your great mind
-MrMuddyPig!
Thanks for the review! You made some mistakes in your writing(lol).
You welcome.
Hey! Tigerlilly here for a quick review on this fabulous poem!
Okay, let me just say that this poem made me laugh out loud. It was random, weird, and beautiful nonetheless. I was actually very sad just before I read this, and it really helped enlighten me! Despite what the reviewer below says, I think you should keep it just as it is. I mean, since when does poetry have to make sense? Not everything should be super deep and emotional, and I really like how you display some of the greatest attributes of poetry in this piece.
Needless to say, I look forward to reading more of your works! Stay random my friend, and keep writing!
Thanks for the review! I'm happy that I made you fell better!
Thanks for the review! I'm happy that I made you fell better!
No problem! It was a great poem and you are an exceptional poet!
Hello, Jello! Hey, that rhymed.
Well, hey anyway! (Rhyming again. O.o)
Okay, I honestly have nothing to say about this. I don't think I like it very much. It's so random and half the time I don't know what you're saying. I suggest you make it more meaningful, something humorous about jello that makes sense instead of bouncing around from topic to topic.
I'm sorry if that sounded mean or anything, I didn't intend for it to be that way. I just feel that for future readers it's going to be confusing and weird, and no one will get it. I hope that when I come back, there'll be some changes!
Cheers,
Artemis28
I understand what you meant, but these are more like "You have to think about it to get it" kind of stuff. Anyways,thanks for the review!
Oh... You're welcome!