we are all vulnerable,
even you, with all your brute strength
and you, with your boundless intellect,
we are ethereal, we exist beyond our shape or form,
listen to yourself, listen past your body’s calls, past your urges and your needs
what does that primal voice whisper to you in your head?
how is it that what we can perceive is only physical, and yet
so much exists still, beyond our senses?
what lies beyond the perceivable?
what is it that truly makes us?
we will never know, indeed, the day we know,
is the day it all ceases to exist.
and for that, we are vulnerable.
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139,667 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Desdemona, Hi I’m Ashkitten and I’m here to review. I love the philosophical nature of this. I love that it’s thought provoking. These are all questions that we have all asked, so it is very relatable. So well done!
The only thing for me, is that the line where you say “listen to yourself, listen past your body calls, past your urges and your needs”
It’s a long line and it took away from the simple form I was appreciating in short lines. Maybe just separate that line into 2, I liked being able to read each line like taking small bites of food, savoring the flavor with each small bite. That one line was just a bit overwhelming to me, But that is just my opinion. Great work! Keep writing! I loved it!!!!
this good yes.
Hallo, I'm sure everyone else has already told you, but this poem rocks! I really liked the questions and thought provoking lines. You also had a great ending that really tied together the meaning of the poem. The only critique I have is that you should've capitalized the beginning letters of your poem, but that's not a huge thing to worry about, so it's whatever. Other than that, Idk what to say, other than how amazing this poem is. Can you lend me some of that talent? XD.
-Alice
I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. I like the point it makes that there more to the world that meets the eye. I also like the final line " and for that, we are vulnerable". I think it nicely concludes the poem.
Hello,
This is a really nicely-written poem! I like the questions that you asked to really let the readers think through what this means. We truly don't know all that much about what lies ahead of us, and because of that, we are vulnerable. I really like how you began and ended with the line "we are vulnerable". In the beginning, we don't really understand what our vulnerability truly means, but then this word reinforces itself in the ending line to add effect.
Overall, I really loved this poem! I love the idea, the flow of the lines, just everything!
Keep Writing
Waddup Desdemona!
It's been a hot second since I've last done a review and been on this site, however, I am oh so glad that I started here. This was so so good! It was a poem that really made you think. It strips down who one is at a surface level and dives into the vulnerable sections of us. It really digs deep into who we are as a person. I love that!
I don't think that there is anything I would change I really liked it and I hope that you continue writing! You have something going for you. The descriptiveness depicts a very vivid scene that I think is universal. You have created something that almost anyone can relate to. That takes an artist's touch and I fully believe that you have that!
Keep on writing! You are so so amazing and I'm sure that the story that came behind this is just as a great as you are! Anyway, I hope you have fantastic day!
Much Love,
Annaclare
Wow! This is like a superhero saying his or her last words like we're all vulnerable. This just express a real meaning of life. Like we all have our little boundaries and weak points.
"we are all vulnerable,
even you, with all your brute strength
and you, with your boundless intellect,
we are ethereal, we exist beyond our shape or form,"
This part is like wow. Even the mightiest and most brilliant person has their own weak points. Great job on reminding us people. Hope to see more from you.