It is 2AM right now and I really wanted to write something, so I wrote this in about 25 minutes. No judging please, I know its kinda weak. My writing quality is usually better than this. I was just inspired and wanted to write a short story.
They're everywhere.
I do not feel safe anymore. There's always someone who wants to kill me, my husband and my children. I've only just had a baby, a beautiful, gorgeous little girl. I've got three children now. Three of them. Along with my husband, that's four souls I've got to keep safe, sound and alive. We've been moving houses so frequently in order to avoid them, but they're everywhere, and no matter how hard I try to escape, I cannot get away from them.
They're aways lurking, and always watching. Sometimes they come up all the way to our house and leave strange marks, which I've taken to mean that they've marked our house for slaughter. I see them everywhere, whenever I go out and whenever I come back home. I can see in their eyes that they want to kill me. My husband says I'm paranoid, that I'm worrying a lot more than I should be, but I know I'm not. I know I'm right in my worries.
I need to protect them all, but I don't know how I'll manage to do that. There are so many of them, with their crazy, wild eyes and cunning faces. I fear for my children. They've got so much to live for, I can't let their lives be claimed
b-by...
By...
Maniacs! Yes! That's they are. Cold blooded killers. They're all out there! They all want us dead! They're going to eat me and my children and my husband! And no one even cares! No one even looks at them the way I see them. Even my very own friends tell me to go about my own business and ignore the lurking curses! How can they be so calm, when death is right at their front doors too?! Do they not worry at all for their own children?! I've seen their weapons. I know they can slash and tear and kill anything they wanted to without even blinking an eye. Everyone thinks I'm insane, that I'm obsessing over a mediocre at best threat but they ARE WRONG!! I know, I know, I know that they're only biding their time before they attack us and kill us.
My mamma told me the day I left my house that I had to be careful, that I had to protect the family I would create at the cost of my own life, but now, looking at thte situation I'm in, I don't think it's possible that these cold, heartless monsters will stop with the death of one mother. No, they won't stop until each and every one of us are dead. I don't know what to do about this, no matter how hard I coo at them, the cats never go away!
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140,730 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
Even though I'm not a mother, I empathize with this. I have severe anxiety, and although my worrying is about different things (and isn't this extreme), the paranoia really can freak a person out. Is this story from personal experience, or just a piece about a fictional character?
This person feels like they are about to snap! Not sure in which way, though, haha
Your diction, tone, and syntax were excellent, I feel like I should add. ^^
~Joelsweet
I did not think of judging this work anyways so do not worry about this.Your use of the vocabulary is expanded and the way you describe the feeling of the mother is brilliant.I had not seen anyone else writing about something else and I am saying this honestly now.Usually I am picky for the grammar but you had done your job well already.It was quite interesting to read what the feelings and thoughts of a woman that had just become a mother are.Something me at least for me.I think this is something that is really realistic adn seen in real life because every wowan that is a mother for the first time feels the need to protect her child and her family strongly.Good job with this work.Honestly If this is written for 25 minutes then I am just stunned.
Sorry that this review is not that helpful.I hope you just think of writing something like that again or make this work longer.
Hi!!!
No judging, I promise! I really enjoyed this piece because the thought of becoming paranoid become you have just become a mother is extremely intriguing. You see the world differently after becoming a mother. I would how she convinced her husband to move so many times. I can totally seeing this becoming a short novella, where the mother finally looses her mind in the end and kills her children and herself because they'll all be safer in heaven (sorry I watch tooooooo many murder mysteries), but you get the point. I think you should expand this!! Not much of a review sorry.
TeachLoveLearn,
rascalover