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pedestrian

by Desdemona


what is it that makes you?

your winning ticket in the genetic lottery?

or the volume capacity of your brain?

what makes you so different from your eight billion clones friends?

humans are such liars,

such jealous, fickle creatures.

you gloat in your non-existent eccentricities

take turns in claiming supremacy,

as if you’ve put in any real effort into it.

I can feel your anger from here.

go on, tell me then,

a talent you’ve polished so vigorously that it glows,

glows beyond the capacity of mere vision.

alas, no reply.

you’re all the same.

none of you are unique,

you’re all clones,

identical, and therefore pedestrian.

your talents are non-existent,

even you are non-existent.

you’ll fade after your insignificant earthly life.

and there’s nothing you can do about it.


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15 Reviews


Points: 45
Reviews: 15

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Sat Jun 01, 2019 10:52 pm
demoncat wrote a review...



Hello this is demoncat reviewing.

But like wow ... This is so deep
It like makes me think. And that's good. I really like the angst in this poem. And like I don't know... It's a deep irony that poetry is kinda a talent and your writing a poem. And saying nobody is speacial. I kind of agree in a way but then again I don't. But o do really like this poem. It's fun to read.




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26 Reviews


Points: 29
Reviews: 26

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Thu May 09, 2019 8:06 pm
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



can I just say I like the title because it has nothing to do with the moral of the poem/ which I did not really get.

I loved the enjambment and mentally gripping words. the structurer needs some work but not a lot. it stands out because its talentedly written and surpreesed my expectations from the title. it is basic but basic can be improved on try to use contextual imagery and make the pedestrian jump no leap out of the page because it will have a knock on effect for when your talents blossom even more


well done 9/10


keep writing




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21 Reviews


Points: 623
Reviews: 21

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Sun May 05, 2019 8:34 am
Leviari wrote a review...



Hello!
I loved literally everything about this poem: the structure, the rhythm, the theme and, most importantly, the images. You've written very suggestive scenarios that make your poem punching and effective.
I particularly enjoyed the first two verses:

"what is it that makes you?
your winning ticket in the genetic lottery?" ;

and the clones/friends play in the third line. Very ironic and smart detail.

This irony and bitterness flows through the whole poem. Your tone is raw, brutal and strong and I am SO here for it!

Also well done with the title :)

This poem is terrific




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102 Reviews


Points: 6085
Reviews: 102

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Sat May 04, 2019 8:21 pm
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

I really like this poem! The tone that this poem takes on is sort of bitter, thinking of what human life is really worth when we are all pretty much the same. The comparison to people simply being "clones" of each other fits in perfectly to this idea. I also like how you begin right away with a question that would make us think of different answers regarding what we think of ourselves, but then this gets placed aside as you go into how "everyone is just the same". If these words are just a character you experimented with conveying... you did it really well!

The last thing I want to say is that I love the title you chose, and I think it incorporates into the idea of this poem really nicely. To me, "pedestrian" could mean both "dull" and "unexciting" - like the insignificant and non-unique lives you are describing here. It could also refer to an actual "pedestrian" or "person" in a crowd of hundreds of other pedestrians walking along a street. This second meaning gives me the meaning of us being one in a crowd of hundreds of other people, reinforcing the idea that we are not "unique".

Anyway, this is a great poem! Overall, I like the idea and I didn't find any mistakes in it. I hope I can read more of your work!

Keep Writing. :)





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