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Poem #3

by DEA

cats, cats, cats
they scratch up the place. 
they've got those laser eyes,
far out from outer space.

shining little red dots on your face
for the drones to come in and
blow you away.

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88 Reviews

Points: 4361
Reviews: 88

Sun Jul 01, 2018 2:31 pm
Sree wrote a review...

Wow! You have the knack for expressing the message in a metaphorical way.

cats, cats, cats
they scratch up the place.
they've got those laser eyes,
far out from outer space.

My perception is that, the speaker speaks about the intrudence of cunning unwelcoming elements that try to control us, making our livelihood upside down.

Only we know about us well, by judging our character with faulty notion will be hurting.

I got the picture of prey savoured by the predator.

shining little red dots on your face
for the drones to come in and
blow you away.

The light of red dots represent the unpleasant acts that shackle our freedom.

Leading an oppressive life is certainly suffocates us. You are with much potential to tell the message cut to the bone.

This piece of poem made me to think in umpteen ways. If your perception and message is different, I request you to let me know. :)

Thanks for sharing this poem. Keep writing! :) Looking forward

User avatar
45 Reviews

Points: 1335
Reviews: 45

Tue Jun 19, 2018 3:25 pm
Lives4Christ24 wrote a review...

Salutations @DEA. @Lives4Christ24 is here for yet another review.
I hope I don't offend anyone with my reviews,my only intent is to edify and encourage other writers through constructive criticism.
I like this poem,and like how you have a slight rhyme in the poem, and the poem flows well even with that slight rhyme. Sometime if you only have one rhyme it can disrupt the flow of the poem, but that did not happen here, good job.
I think the title could use some work, Poem #3 isn't very descriptive. Even something simple like Cats would work. Have a good rest of your day and keep writing.

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894 Reviews

Points: 29595
Reviews: 894

Tue Jun 19, 2018 3:12 am
alliyah says...

Your style is so intriguing - I enjoy the slight rhyme too. Keep up the poetry please! :)

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405 Reviews

Points: 436
Reviews: 405

Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:05 am
Eros wrote a review...

Hey there, DEA !!!

This is Eros here with a review for this sweet little poem !

I love the poem more for its shortness. Not only is the poem short, but it is sweet too !

Length of the poem never matters, as far as you are able to make those ideas of your, reach up to the readers' minds.

I personally find it a really difficult job to express all the ideas in very less number of words.
That is a real art for one to have. I am impressed that you have that art. You can express your ideas ... yours thoughts in very little words fnd that is just beautiful !

I would still suggest one little thing here ... If you could add a title to this poem and also along with other poems, as I can see here, in the "Related items", section, it would add a more beauty to the poem. It is not an obligation ...but a title is what catches...or rather attracts the readers to your poems. So these are just my personal thoughts ...

Coming to the format of the poem ...
It is superb !
I like how you have presented the thoughts in a poetic manner adorned with thosw stanzas.

Stanzas are that part of the poem, which makes it clear for the readers, about what is going on in the poem.

But again, adding only stanzas is not enough. All the stanzas should form a smooth connection with each other, just like I can see in this poem ... and that is what is called as the flow of the poem. So by this, I mean, the poem has a smooth flow.

As I said the stanzas should be connected with each other... Should be connected by what? So with that I mean to say it should be connected via fine threads of ideas.
And this can be seen clearly in your poem.

Loved this aspect also.

The next thing is the theme. The theme forms the base of the poem. And your poem has a firm base. The theme is strong and unique also.

Then comes the choice of set of the words. I love the words that you have used, simple and lucid.

The adjectives that you have added here, plays the role of spices in the poem. I liked the words you have used as adjectives in the sentence,

shining little red dots on your face
for the drones to come in and
blow you away.

The words that shining little red dots is the main spice used in this poem.

Also the words, "laser eyes" used in the first stanza,

cats, cats, cats
they scratch up the place.
they've got those laser eyes,
far out from outer space.

Gives the poem a feeling.

Loved it all.

Every writer has a unique style of writing. Some write simple and easy to understand, while others write decorative and in no so easy to understand language. Both the styles has their own plus points.

You have used the simple - to - understand style.
That makes the readers to understand your poem without any difficulty.

Over-all, it was an AWESOME piece of poetry...!
Loved it so much ! :D

Keep writing such amazing poems and stuff... And we would love to keep reviewing and reading them !

Have a great day / night !

~ Eros. :D

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
— Mark Twain