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Poem #1

by DEA


drugs, drugs, drugs
running through the rivers
always tripping people up

it is always drugs


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23 Reviews


Points: 281
Reviews: 23

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Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:51 am
Jevan13 wrote a review...



Nice job methinks. It is not my style of writing but I will be impartial in judgement. The repetition leads me to believe that the persona of this poem has had a rough time with drugs in his/her society. By saying running through the rivers, I can see that drugs have infiltrated almost all layers of society, so much so that it seems to be everywhere.

Suggestions:

Capitalization should be used for all sentence starters as it just seems....let's say less of the poem it could be.

Punctuation is a minor issue also, as there is hardly any emotional effect without using punctuation. Adding an exclamation mark may just make this short poem much better.

All in all, nice message and portrayal of this rampant issue. Keep writing.

-Jevan




alliyah says...


Welcome to YWS Jevan! :) In free-verse poetry, the author can choose to lower-case or capitalize letters up to their own discretion for different effects. There's not like a "hard and fast rule". This YWS article has some great comments on capitalization if you're interested. :)



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841 Reviews


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Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:39 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this sociologically interesting syllabic poem about the dangerous consequences of abusing drugs. The poem appears to express a personal view from the writer's or a persona's personal perspective. It led me to imagine an environment where the speaker grew up observing that the primary reason for failure in society was related to drugs, either via usage or sales since both can cause a person to wind up in prison. That conclusion is based on the poem's last line which seems to attribute the primary cause of failure to drugs.

The reference to drugs running through rivers might be an allusion to the drug trade that comes into the USA via the Rio Grand. Or it might just be a way of hyperbolically saying that it permeates the speaker's society to such a degree that it seems to even flow in the surrounding rivers.

Structure

I counted the syllables in each line looking for a pattern so I could categorize the style. I found the syllable count to be 3, 6, 7, 5.

Based on that I really could not identify it. But that is OK. As poets we are allowed to experiment and make up our own unique poetical ways of expressing our ideas.

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Suggestion

I would have preferred regular capitalization and punctuation.
Something like this:

Drugs! Drugs! Drugs
running through the rivers,
always tripping people up

It is always drugs!

That would provide the first line with an emphasized flow or enjambment into the second line





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