poem #6

Hello there DEA

This is Kostia, here to give you a reiew along with my honnest opinion on your poem.

First of all I really liked the content of this. It was very interesting and Ι believe it is also extreely topical and it represents the current situation (politicaly speaking). Even though it was a small poem I really enjoyed it.

I will get into the technical aspects of it before I move on to the analysis.

Structure:

I don't have much to point out here. This is a free verse poem which is perfectly fine. The stanzas are finely made and I liked your choice of formating. I don't think you could have done it better well done!

Vocabulary:
I loved your choice of wording and I believe your simple and direct vocabulary is in perfect harmony with the themes that arise from your poem. Your phrasing is very strong and it awakens emotions to the reader. However you have achieved to be distant rather than involved, trying to keep your theme pure from personal opinions or interferences. Again well done!

Spelling/ grammar.

I have nothing to note here. However since I am not a native speaker I might have missed something minor.

Analysis:

1st stanza

“secret words that slip out from
nowhere. without a second th-
ought for the impact it might
bring upon a waiting nation.”

I really liked the first stanza, it is a strong introduction to your poem and really engages the reader's interest. Personally I liked the last verses best.

However I believe you can alter your formating a bit. I was a little confused while reading (since this is a poem) about some phrases that are cut in half, due to the criteria you followed regarding the verses. I would prefer whole sentences in its verse.

For instance:

“secret words that slip out from nowhere.
without a second thought for the impact
brought upon a waiting nation.”

I m not saying exactly this but something more like that. It is not a major issue though and you can still keep it that way if you like it.

2nd stanza

“and empty promises made
to the commander in chief
that the work will be done -
that no one will ever know”

So this is my favorite part. I don't have much to say. I really loved what you did there. Very strong statements, honest and true! Well done! I really LOVED this part. Bravo!

3rd stanza

“about a package in a mail-
box, filled with bits and ends
of tape recordings. secrets
to be kept secret and failed”

The final stanza is the one I liked the least. There isn't anything wrong with it (other than the general comments I mentioned previously)but it is simply weaker compared to the other two. Since it is your closing up stanza I would suggest you to work on it for a stronger impact. I liked your last verse and the fact you kept the word “transcriptions” seperatly. However I think it could be simplified into:
“secrets to be kept and failed”

The tittle:
I believe you can do something better for the tittle. I understand it is not easy, I myself have extreme difficulty with tittles. Take your time and I am sure you will find something fitting!

Keep up the good work!

Best regards

Kostia

Hi, hello, and what's up. I am mid-episode on Daredevil right now, so excuse my briefness (yes, despite what my mom says, that is a real word, Grammarly says so).

Overall, I believe that this poem was pretty good. My only, well, not 'complaint', but question is why the staggered stanzas? I mean, it looks cool, and I haven't seen any of your other work to see if it's a running theme or something of the sort.

Other than that and the title, or lack thereof, it was a very solid poem. It was well written, though it didn't strike up any particular emotions for me personally, it was really good. Well done.

Anyway, the drama is happening and I gotta go. Good job and happy writing!