Beneath the smile of the one
You once trusted the most
In the slap of the one that you fear
In the succulent hiss
From the needle you’re holding
Whenever it beckons you near
Heard in whispers of lies
Who say you’re unloved
And tell you that death would be easy
In the heart of a man
Black and twisted inside
Who’d kill you no problem, believe me
In the loss of the one
You’d only just met
As she meets her untimely demise
Yes I’ve seen him before
In the wars of this world
That’s where the Devil resides
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138,720 Literary Works • 672,257 Reviews
Hey there CreativelyWritten. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
But not quite yet. Just wanted to say that I'm not going to be here long because frankly the poems short and I'm also on mobile which really limits length.
Okay so the main reason I clicked on your poem was the title. I like (we'll sort of) everything literary connected to demons. It's just that they're really interesting or really bad, which makes it funny for me both ways. I haven't read much of yours but it's currently sitting at the halfway point of those two.
So I was wondering if you had meant to split this up a bit. I know the publishing center sort of messes up any format from imported documents. If you didn't have an idea to split up the poem, I think you should. The poem flows together a bit much because of all of the ideas running together.
The last line is really cool. Haha. I've said that way too many times at this point haven't I. I need to be a bit more careful about that. I liked the poem overall but there were a couple of things that bothered me.
The imagery was okay but it didn't get across a really dark idea. You know what I mean? You were aiming for a description of where the devil 'lives'. But instead it seemed lighter than what you should have tried for. I'm not sure how to explain it but you just need to make it darker and scarier than you already have it.
If any of those paragraphs made any sense please feel free to tell me so. That's some reviewing humor there, probably not for everybody.
Well that's about all I have anyways so have a nice day.
Happy RevMo.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
Thank you for taking the time to read. Yes I purposely split it up so it forces the poem to be read in lines of three. I'm sorry you don't think it is dark enough but the poem turned out how I wanted it to and attempting to make it darker will just make it so I have to redo the whole poem. So I think I will keep it how it is. But thank you
Wow! That was amazing. It carried all the places where evil may reside and instead of calling it evil, you called it the devil. I love your poem it was like a work of art that slowly got painted in my head as I read. I loved the images that I got from it. I don't give many grammar errors because I suck at those, so if there are any in there I have no idea. But your poem was amazing and I hope I can read more of your work.
Thank you so much! I got the idea for the poem from an image I saw on Tumblr. It said something along the lines of 'I met the Devil. I met him in a boyfriend' or something similar. Which made me think not many people, if any, come face to face with the literal embodiment of the devil but rather they come in contact with devilish things.
Hi
Short and meaningful. It's good though .
'Yes I’ve seen him before
In the wars of this world
That’s where the Devil resides'
The last three lines were really eye-catchy. I enjoyed the poem. i don't know about others but it's short and not so cheesy.
But i got to make some little suggestion.
The poem could have been more gloomy by using some more thought provoking words. Your idea is good but i feel that the words used could have been more better but please don't make any changes in the last few lines as for me the last lines were simple and brilliant. Other than this i have no issues.
Keep it up and write more.Eagerly waiting for your next art. Thank you!!!
Thank you for reviewing. I appreciate it. I won't be changing the wording despite your suggestions. If I tailor it too much it will change the flow that I have and coming up with rhymes that make sense isn't always easy to do.
Also, in your review you should have said better rather than more better.
well it's okay if you don't want to change it or whatsoever. I used 'more' to exaggerate the term 'better'. never mind