White-hot iron
in a cold, clenched fist
The sweet smell of burning
And the sound of a hiss
Succulent poison
You gladly choke down
An unpleasant burning
And a childish frown
Two-headed dagger
Grip tight on the blade
Blood dripping down
That's the price you have paid
Self-inflicted pain
That you wish would just end
But how can it stop
When you insist on pretend?
Poison-filled stinger
You push deeper in
Slow-moving venom
The price of your sin
Thoughts in disguise
You should really let go
They'd hurt so much less
If you'd just tell them no
Bruised, beaten heart
Attempting to heal
Without so much pain
It can once again feel
Shiny wet eyes
Beginning to dry
Take the first step
Just go on and try
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139,527 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
I liked this very much! It rhymes well and it has this very nice beat to it as you read it aloud. It is pretty dark, but I think you do a good job of describing everything. I found myself rereading and rereading this!
Nice work!
Thanks so much
Here to review! ^-^
Wow... there is sooo much feeling in this... I have been in this dark time before. It gets better. But this person is past the point of no return... I like the feeling it conveys, even though it is dark. At the end, I like how it is convincing you to try it, even though it's a bad thing. It shows the desperation. Overall, nice job.
Thanks. And again, I love your profile picture
Thanks again.
No I think the ending is good, it doesn't seem very rushed to me. Great rhyming and a nice flow too, slightly lyrical though I can't explain how. I feel like you could use punctuation more, and by that I just mean commas and periods. You used one comma in the bruised and beaten line but that was it. But I get if that's how you wanted to write it. Still, the lines need to have a more definite end, especially the last line. Overall though, it's a great poem.
Thanks for the review! As much as I love writing, punctuation isn't always my strong point. And neither is poetry so the two mixed together... Ugh
Oh wow... <3... I love this poem.
It speaks to me on so many different levels and I found myself reading this multiple times. Everything went smoothly, perfectly even! You are definitely a skilled poet and I know I'll enjoy reading something else of yours.
And I love your picture.
Bye for now!
~BookWolf
Thanks! Marcy is my absolute favorite AT character.... I'm glad you think I'm a skilled poet! In all reality, I have a very difficult time with poetry.