This is just a little saying I came up with while trying to write poetry. It's a new twist on an old adage.
If success is not first, the key is to try
For if you don't fall then how will you fly?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, CreativelyWritten! As your username tells me, this was creatively written.
I hadz to too. I really love the second line, how it says "...if you don't fall then how will you fly?" It was so powerful in this little couplet I was blown to pieces. I think, though, the first line was a bit rocky in one part. When you say "If success is not first...", can you somehow replace it with something else? Like, "If success doesn't come..."? I think it was a little bit like a rock on a smooth path. Overall, I loved it, and I'll keep it in mind. What was the old saying anyway?
-wisegirl22
Thanks for the review. And I can think about changing it but I kind of want to stick with the original thought. The original saying: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." So also first just goes better with the original, ya know?
Oh, Okay. You're welcome!
Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another review!
Ok so, very creative! A very wise saying you have come up with here. I like it. The title fits in perfectly.It is relevant and easy to remember, as Freya13 said. Beautiful too! Also very simple. Anyways, this is amazing. The categorization of genres and the age rating is great. It would be spontaneous if it got literary spotlight. I definitely think it is a favorite. Great job with this! I will look for more by you. Don't give up and always write, my friend!
-Unknown391625
Thanks so much for your kind review ^.^
Very creative, Creative!
(soz, had too)
.)
I have to say I probably prefer this to the old saying, it seems to be relevant and cutely easy to remember.
If I'm honest, it took a second reading-over for me to actually understand it xD but it's awesome I reckon haha. (it's just cos I shoulda been born blonde aye
Good job!
Thanks so much for the review!
And I'm glad you think it's cute
CreativityWritten,
This is really beautiful. Perfect job reincarnating the original saying! It's very fit for our generation. I just keep reading it over and I love it!
Keep expressing!
-percybeth
Thanks so much! That makes me feel really great as I was just playing around with words
Hey, CreativelyWritten!
So, I was wondering if you had taken a stab at this very old saying:
Which was by two men: 'Teacher's Manual' (1840) by American educator Thomas H. Palmer and 'The Children of the New Forest' (1847) by English novelist Frederick Maryat (1792-1848).
Interesting, hmm? Hee hee.
I loved the twist on this. It was imaginative. So clever. Well thought out. I really enjoyed reading this. My favourite lone was the second:
It is so open to interpretation. You could possibly mean the first step in life, I mean... No one can say that they have never tripped up. Also, you can mean tripping up as in the mistakes we make. This was just so brilliant. I loved it!
Yours sincerely,
Truant
Thanks a lot. And yes the phrase was: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Not quite the fancy original version you dug up
But I very much appreciate the new information because I love to learn.
I was varying between writing jump and fall in the second line. I wasn't sure how many people would understand fall but I felt it fit better so I'm glad you liked it.