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Sweet Addiction

by CreativelyWritten


You make bad decisions

We all know it's true

You make only decisions

That benefit you

Your mother is crying

While you ride that sweet high

Your father is screaming 

While he watches you die

I know you were scared

And now you feel strong

But I'm telling you now

That feeling is wrong

For every sweet high

There's an unbearable low

Just loosen this hold

Try and let go

Life is worth living

The good and the bad

Just say you're sorry

No one will be mad


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5 Reviews


Points: 318
Reviews: 5

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Wed Nov 12, 2014 11:50 pm
Emma11 wrote a review...



Wow! Chilling and thought provoking! I feel like the rhyming is very effective. A lot of the time dark poems sound great with rhyme and yours is a prime example! Well done. My favorite bit its : "Life is worth living, the good and the bad. Just say that your sorry, no one will be mad" Its just...Wow! I love how the poems flows so smoothly. It is overall a very strong poem, keep up the good work!
~Emma ^_^




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32 Reviews


Points: 3293
Reviews: 32

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Sun Nov 09, 2014 11:32 pm
thegreyreality wrote a review...



Wow, that was wonderful. Reading this coincided with a melancholy piano song I was listening to, and the mix was bone chilling. I had to go make myself some tea. I think that dark poems are wonderful sounding when they rhyme, and this pulls it off very well. There isn't anything that needs to be fixed at all, but you could vary the lengths of the lines a bit to manifest the highs and lows the person feels. Another good idea would be to add punctuation. I know that it is always sort of optional in poetry, but it would create a lot of dramatic pauses and stops. I feel that it might actually improve it a little by doing so. Trying to go back to quote a piece, I find it difficult to pick out a couple lines to show you what I mean... (but that's also cool because it is so fluid.) "For every sweet high,/ There is an unbearable low/ Just loosen this hold. Try and let go."

Anyways, this is a review, but I don't really see it as necessary at all...

Keep writing! This is lovely!
*the grey reality






Thank you :)



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36 Reviews


Points: 475
Reviews: 36

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Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:50 am
carmenbluestar says...



Nothing to review on, only high praise. Poems that are so strong are amazing to come by.
Amazing job, lovely poem, fantastic feeling and pacing, good use of vocabulary and of course great concept.
I'd love to read more poems like this in the future :)






Thanks so much! Poetry is not my strong suit so thanks again :)



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29 Reviews


Points: 847
Reviews: 29

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Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:39 am
Darkbunneh13 wrote a review...



Whooo! ^_^ that was an awesome poem. I love how you hint at high's n lows, like the comedown of being a drug addict, and that's really cool.

It's a very deep poem, and I love the rhyming scheme you used for it. Totally awesome! ^_^

Although, the first rhyme you use it "decision" and "decision," but other than that, I couldn't really find any faults, which is really awesome! ^_^

Good job! You should be proud of yourself for writing something so deep and meaningful! ^_^ hope you have a nice day! ^_^






Decision and decision aren't the rhyming lines haha. It's you and true.
Thanks for the review



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20 Reviews


Points: 410
Reviews: 20

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Sat Nov 08, 2014 12:28 am
CardinalSouth says...



I was going to review, but there was nothing that I felt could improve... Great poem! I love the rhyme scheme and even the syllable count flows nicely... Thanks for sharing! :)






Thanks :)



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15 Reviews


Points: 441
Reviews: 15

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Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:26 pm
Baidirai says...



Here to review! ^-^

I really like this. I like a dark poem, because that's how I usually write. But the flow is good, and so is the vocabulary. The rhyming scheme works, which is very admirable in a poem. The feelings you are conveying are good, even if dark. Overall, an admirable piece, and a very good author.






Thanks :) and I love your profile picture



Baidirai says...


Thanks. :)




Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
— Homer Simpson