Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Romantic

E - Everyone


by Corvus

They called me V.

We fought side by side,

For the cruel mistress who made us.

You shone blue,

Like the lights below the synthetic atmosphere,

And I was indigo,

Like the river in the night.


Then we broke free,

And we saved the world.

But you told me the truth,

And I hated you.

You still gave yourself to save me,

I guess you really loved me.


Now I fight alone,

For peace and law.

The skyline still shines blue,

But I am crimson,

Like the river the night I lost you.

They call me Vermillion.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
1011 Reviews

Points: 120415
Reviews: 1011

Sat Sep 14, 2019 11:21 pm
View Likes
alliyah wrote a review...

Hey there Corvus,

I generally quite like color poems, so had to read this. Vermillion is also just a great color.

Now I think an issue with this poem is it doesn't really touch reality very much - the middle stanza gives us some language about love and freedom and truth (oh my!) but I do not have a sense of how this connects with the colors at all. In fact if you wrote this poem and just substituted the colors for names like "bob, george, jean, ed" etc I think it would say the exact same thing... the colors aren't really used symbolically as far as I can tell. They're just referenced in a few off-handed color descriptions.

I think it'd be interesting if you talked about purple in this poem a bit more since you have reds & blues - and I think that the middle content and narrative part need a more consistent story line so that the reader gets a better sense of just how these characters are interacting, what's at stake, and what this poem is supposed to mean.

Good luck! Happy editing!

- alliyah


User avatar
562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Thu May 09, 2019 9:01 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a few this to say about your poem on this lovely day, and to help get your poem out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So over all I think this was a really well written poem, everything went really well and it was just amazing.
I really like the name you chose for your poem, it drew me in right away, I new I had to come find out what it meant and I'm glad I did. This poems flow was great, there was no spelling mistakes, and everything was perfect.

The way you started your poem was a brilliant idea.

They called me V.

This line just got me ready for the story that was about to come. It was a really good way to get your readers interested more than they already were. All through the poem was good, the story you told with your words was just amazing, I felt like I was there with those people. I really liked the words you those to use, it just made everything even better than it already was.
And the way you ended your poem was really good, it told you readers that the story has come to an end in a good way. So amazing job.
One more thing I would like to mention. I really like it that you added a little description into the poem, that a good idea.

Well that's all from me, I'm really glad I got the chance to come and read this work along with reviewing it. It was a great joy. I hope you will post again on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

User avatar
42 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 42

Thu May 09, 2019 5:46 am
seekingthetruth wrote a review...

what I liked about it was war theme because you could go in so many directions withit and you chose to talk about a soilder who lost a friend I mean it is orginal but you twisted it with the rhyme scheme - not many war poets use a rhyme scheme because it ruins the atmosphere of the war theme. but you did it with style and executed it perfecetly.

I mean this would be the part where I would point out the mistakes and how to improve but I cant see or think of any its a really emotive and at the end you bring the poem back to where it started that's quality.

one question what is vermillion did you make it up?10/10

Corvus says...

Vermillion is the name of a shade of red. thanks for the review!

oh cool great

User avatar
42 Reviews

Points: 106
Reviews: 42

Wed May 08, 2019 4:21 pm
Corvus says...

The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket