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Early fall

by Corvus

The hills are covered in vivid flame, crested in crimson and gold.

The last summer birds flit through the trees,

Searching for green leaves that graced this land before the cold.

there wings shining bright in the faded light of the coming eve.

Leaves crunching quietly below your feet, every step to light to perceive. the chilled breeze carrying promise of the frost to come,

A constant reminder of the cold winter months.

The geese in the meadow cease to graze,

On grasses not covered by beautiful blaze.

spreading their wings out so wide.

They bid this world a faithful goodbye,

Grey wings gently brushing the sky.

off to greener pastures no doubt,

they know what awaits far to the south.

The air tastes crisp with the warmth of spice,

your breath can be seen in the fading light.

What is left of the day dapples the ground,

cold air quiet with barely a sound.

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145 Reviews

Points: 402
Reviews: 145

Fri Feb 09, 2018 8:15 pm
Thisislegacy wrote a review...

Legacy here for a review.

"there wings shining bright..." should be "Their wings shining bright." because of the fact there means a place and their means belonging to someone.

I don't understand how geese graze, I don't know how geese eat. Also after graze, you don't need a comma since that would be cutting into the middle of a sentence for no reason.

I would rewrite "off to greener pastures no doubt," as "off to greener pastures, no doubt."

You are using the word dapples incorrectly. Also the word flit is used correctly, but not very many people that speak English use it often.

Overall, this is a nice poem with many nice lines of figurative language, but there are places that you could improve and make the whole poem better.

Hopefully I wasn't too harsh with this review. Have a nice day and keep writing. Legacy out.

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19 Reviews

Points: 260
Reviews: 19

Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:14 pm
dalisay wrote a review...

This poem has some of the best flow I have ever seen. I'm no good at rhyming in poems (I'm more free verse) but I was reading this and my eyes even read in a smooth rhythm. The use of imagery and symbolism was amazing. "The air tastes crisp with the warmth of spice" really put that flavor in my brain! On thing that might make this poem even better in my opinion is formatting. I know commenting on the format and style of the words in poems isn't a popular opinion, but there isn't anything wrong with how you spaced it! I just personally would group common ideas together to really add structure to the poem and kind of give the reader breaks in between stanzas to gather the feeling and thoughts you wrote down.

This poem is amazing and I'd love to see maybe one for spring coming up? Maybe even all the seasons :). Keep on writing!

Dali <3

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