Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Lyrical

E - Everyone

Corvus

by Corvus


This is a safe place,

Where no one expects much.

A little community,

Filled with friends.

   

A breath, a break

From the suffocating reality.

A watchtower, a monolith,

Protective and constant.

    

I am no one here,

But I am making a name,

Free from the titles I didn't choose,

And the things I never asked for.

     

Here, I am Corvus,

A poet and friend.

A crow,

Smart and misunderstood.

   

The world is still a mess,

But I would rather be me

Then whoever I’m supposed to be.

I am happy to be Corvus.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
106 Reviews


Points: 10793
Reviews: 106

Donate
Tue Jul 23, 2019 12:44 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Naming a poem after yourself is.. original..
there's a nice bit of imagery in your poem; with
"A watchtower, a monolith," although i don't really see why you chose watchtower because watchtower, even though protective; does not really fits with what you said. Maybe you chose it because it ressembles (somehow) with a monolith..?
So really, your two first stanza's are about the site, and a bit about every person which joins.
for example
"A little community,
filled with friends."
or
"A breath, a break,
From the suffocating reality."
..
"protective and constant."
The three first stanza's are probably my favorite. Because you describe, not yourself; but the community. And we can see ourselves in the words you say.
The moment you talk about Corvus; we stop thinking that this is about the site- but more about your persona really.

basically, by referring to, not the site or yourself; but to Corvus- we feel as though you are talking about that second self. To our second self.
It's like when you take an instagram or snapchat (etc) picture where you are perfect and funny and everything at the maximum level- doing that creates a persona. But it isn't really you. And all the time you spend creating that persona does not make you feel any better- because deep down you know that that's not you.
In this poem you say you would rather be yourself; but Corvus is not who you are. He does not speak like you, and even if he does; the things he say are not always what you would say as yourself. And that's why that last stanza, which could've been absolutely beautiful had it been about yourself, rings hollow. Because, in truth; you are not Corvus.
I am not saying that YWS is bad, nor am I saying creating a persona is bad.. but it just isn't you. It's a second name, a second face you only wear in this site.
If you know what a dissociative person is, you'll know the worst feeling they have; is when they take on another of their personality which is "not them'.
"i am happy to be Corvus" line feels fake. We are who we are, and not who we want to be.




User avatar
64 Reviews


Points: 733
Reviews: 64

Donate
Mon May 27, 2019 4:34 am
Aliceinhorrorland wrote a review...



Hello~ I’m here to review. I’ll start with the things I liked:

I loved how it didn’t rhyme much and still (for the most part) flowed well. That’s a pretty difficult thing to accomplish id say. I also liked your descriptions and the words you chose. This poem gave me a lot of vivid images and feelings. It’s also a connective poem, as I’m sure a lot of users view YWS as their safe haven when everything spirals downwards. You captured a nice idea and really brought it to life.

Now onto some critique:

I actually throughly enjoyed this poem, but the last stanza wasn’t the best. Every other stanza was nice and flowed exceptionally well but the last one just didn’t spin right. It felt forced, almost.
Not to mention, you just randomly rhymed two lines, when you didn’t rhyme the entire poem. Also, the ending was unsatisfying, it didn’t give me a “WOW” factor response.

I think it would be better if it went something like this:

“When the earth closes in,
When life locks it’s doors,
I will be here,
Safe.”

That’s just an overview, of course. Oh and you don’t have to change anything if you don’t want to, it’s just my personal opinion. Also I am in no way trying to be harsh! I loved this poem, honestly, I just think the ending could use some work. But I literally lived for the first four stanzas :3

Anyways you have a solid poem here, and I can’t wait to see what you do with it! Always keep writing, you have a bright future.

That’ll be all from me!

-Alice




User avatar
46 Reviews


Points: 55
Reviews: 46

Donate
Fri May 24, 2019 12:30 am
starryknightt wrote a review...



Hey there!

I really, really love this. It's so sweet, and I can't help but agree with you in every way. Young Writer's Society is really magical. I found it just when I needed it and hope to make a name, just like you said. The words about being a "crow" added a nice splash of color to the page. It didn't predict it, and you tied it in wonderfully.

Can't wait to read more of your art!

-M




User avatar
542 Reviews


Points: 30484
Reviews: 542

Donate
Thu May 23, 2019 8:04 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and like always to help get your work out the green room for you.

Okay let's start.

I'm happy to say that there was nothing wrong with this poem everything was in it's place. Your punctuation was perfect everything as in just the right place, making the flow just perfect. And your word choice helped with that. Even if none of them rimed it still worked with the flow.
I also really like the story you are telling it's in some cases true, but that depends on who reads it.
I think your word choice was great, and your spelling was spot on. Well done.
The length of your poem was perfect, it didn't sound rushed, and it ended at a really good spot, making it easier for the reader to see the poem is finished.
I also think the name you chose for the poem was the right choice.

Over all this was all really well done and I loved reading and reviewing this work, I do hope you will never stop writing and will post again on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




User avatar
223 Reviews


Points: 1515
Reviews: 223

Donate
Thu May 23, 2019 2:42 am
Horisun wrote a review...



This poem is amazing! I really enjoyed the flow, and the feeling. It's so enjoyable, and so emotional, it's just great!
The only thing might just be me, but in the line "The world is still a mess," I can't tell if you're referring to the virtual world, or the real world.
Other than that, this poem get's a gigantic thumbs up from me! I really love it!
Keep on writing! :D





"Yesterday you said tomorrow, so JUST DO IT."
— Shia Labeouf