She stood by herself. Not that she expected anyone to be there with her, but it felt lonely. She looked around. “Where is this?” she wondered aloud. No one answered. The room looked familiar. She could not quite place her finger on it.
Then she spotted it. The king-sized bed on one side of the room, exactly where she thought she had seen it in another room. But that was not possible. No two rooms had the same dimensions in the palace. So this was it? Her father’s bedchamber. The one he had shared with her mother while she was still alive.
The sunlight sifted through a crack in the between the two pieces of cloth curtaining the balcony from the chamber. It was only a step away from her. She had the sudden urge to brush aside the curtains and stand in the balcony. She reached out and stopped. The beam of light cut right through her palm as if nothing were there. She looked at her other hand. She could see the marble floor through her fingers.
“What is this?” she asked. And only now she noticed, her voice came out hollow. She could hear it, but only faintly, as if it were being muffled from outside.
The double doors that marked the entrance burst open, revealing a beauteous woman in obvious panic. She held a bundle of blankets to her bosom, her dark hair flailing in every which direction as she heaved labored breaths. A child of two clung to her, scuttling along on her tiny legs. The lady quickly bolted the doors from the inside.
“Quick, Nidara, hide in the closet,” the lady whispered to the toddler.
“In the…closet…?” the child asked, confused.
The woman turned to her, panting, and sunk to her knees. “Yes, Nidara. Hide in there. And do not come out, no matter what happens. Do not show yourself till your father comes to look for you. Do you understand?” she whispered in a hushed and hurried tone.
The child nodded slowly, still scared.”What about you, mother?” she asked.
The lady stroked the child’s face. “You need not worry about me, sweetheart.” Sadness lingered in her voice.
“And Novara?” the child now asked.
“I will make sure she is safe,” the woman said, and looked down at the bundle in her arms, which contained a newborn, “with my life if need be.”
They hurried to hide the two children. The toddler fit into the smallest compartment with room to spare. The woman placed a quick kiss on the child’s forehead before swinging the door shut. She then took to cocooning the baby on the bed. She was in the middle of wrapping a comforter around the baby when the double doors were banged from the outside. She gasped in shock, and then composed herself as best she could.
The next moment the door unbolted itself, and hissed open. In the doorway stood a man in a bellowing black cloak, an uncanny smile twisted his lips.
~~~~~~~~~~
To be continued…
~~~~~~~~~~
Take a guess. Who's POV is this?
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Hey Glasses!
So, initially I figured I would skip this part and go directly for the following chapter, seeing as everthing that is in this one is also in the next part. And I will. I'll go over that chapter in its entirety there.
However, now that I've gone through all of the parts up to this point, I feel I shouldn't skip this one and I'll do a quick one here.
And, well, I'm really liking what you're doing here. At first glance, I found it odd that it was for some reason all written in italics. But as I began reading it, it obviously all makes sense. And I like it. I really do.
We're finally catching up with what is happening with Novara. We're seeing her POV during her unconsciousness or rather 'coma'. Taking this opportunity to connect some backstory into the plot and using her to explore old memories for the reader is a really neat idea.
I also don't think there's that much grammatical issues I'd need to bring up. But I'll get to that in the next one. So, I'll see you in what I'm probably going to say is your best and most interesting chapter.
Lastly:
Pretty much the moment you figure out that this is a dreamlike vision, it's pretty clear that we're finally back to Novara.
Keep it up, Glasses!
Cheers
Birkhoff
*Sigh* Do I ever get tired of reading your reviews? No I don't. So don't forget to review my other chapters. Or works. I'm gonna keep tagging you every time a new one's out. (Is that asking too much?)
Hello ConfusedGlasses!
, is that intentional? I really like this, in here dream I guess? She sees what she saw as a baby, but in her dreams and she sees herself as a ghost. I think it's really cool, kind of creepy, but cool. I could find no flaws, though I'm pretty bad at finding flaws... XD. I'll see you on the next chapter!I was just wondering... Most of your chapters end in
~Kelpies.
It is sort of intentional. I don't even really know why I write that...
Hello! Billie here, Happy September Review Day!!!
Okay so first off, good job! I think you did really well on this piece and I personally really like it. There only a few errors pertaining to sentence structure but I do not feel as if I need to address them. You convey your characters and emotions really well and you have really goo imagery in there too.
Anyway, it's a great piece and I hope you keep on writing more!!!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hello! Happy September Review Day! I'll just type down my thoughts as I read along. Okay? Okay.
The room looked familiar. She could not quite place her finger on it.
The second sentence doesn't sound complete. I think you should join the two with but.
The king-sized bed on one side of the room, exactly where she thought she had seen it in another room.
I tell people that they shouldn't repeat the same word in a sentence. This is because repetition can get tedious. You've said 'room' twice and I suggest instead of just saying 'room' for the second one, you should tell us what room it actually was.
The double doors that marked the entrance burst open, revealing a beauteous woman in obvious panic.
It's a lovely description, but you should have beautiful, not beauteous.
Is your main character dreaming about the past? Is that why it's in italics?
Anyway, it's a great chapter and I'd like to know what happens.
Hey Jaz! Yeah its sort of like that. I'll let u know when post next.
Well I have already read your other publishment including part 2, so you can take everything I said there and apply it to this. I love the way you make your story flow and how you portray the characters view upon the reader. You have an incredible talent! Remember, you can always add more detail... You are a great writer who has come up with an intriguing story line. KEEP GOING!
-Shaylin
Thanks!