A tale of memories.

I never seem to have gotten around to reviewing this one Chinku! I hope you are well, I'll write a quick review for this poem for you today.


A Few Wording Suggestions
Just caught a few wording things here and there that I wanted to get out of the way first.

"child hood" -> is more often spelled without a space -> "childhood".

" How I watch the stars in sky from my mother’s lap." -> Need "the" before "sky".

Some issues with this line:

"How I used to beaten by my teacher for home works." -> I think it should be written, "How I used to get beaten by my teacher for homework"

Okay now moving on to meaning"
Meaning/Interpretation

This poem seemed to be about how the speaker reflected on their childhood memories, both the good ones and the bad ones, and tried to make sense of them as they remembered. Different things in their life trigger these old memories, and as they recall them, they retell their own life to the reader.

Thoughts

I like that the poem had some emotional contrast - it can get boring to read if a poem is all emotionally one element - and is a bit unrealistic too! It's better to have a little happiness and a little sadness in poems, to give it some depth and interest in my opinion. And you certainly do that - the second to last stanza in fact, gets a bit dark as the speaker reflects on the abuse they suffered at the hands of their school teacher.

One issue where the story seemed to lack continuity is when the speaker said that the "children" ran into the school -> If the speaker was a child themselves, wouldn't it make more sense for them to see themself in that group - > like "we ran in the school" or "my classmates" ran into the school?

I'm glad that used a poetic element in the poem - the one of repetition, with the repeated chorus of "Refreshing my memories" - as it sort of mimicked how the speaker was reminded again and again - with this repeated chorus - "memories.. memories... memories" - they couldn't escape them, just as the reader can't. I don't understand why the first version has the word "childhood" and the repeated ones dont' though - was this purposeful?

Lastly, I'd say my favorite line was " The stars on the plum trees" -> partly because I didn't know what it meant! But I like the unique imagery! It's specific and evocative. I think you should reflect on how you might replace some of the more generic descriptors in the poem like "scratches" with more interesting/unique descriptions like that one.


And that's all I have for today! Hope you are still continuing to write and learn!

~alliyah

Happy Review Day from Team Polar Express

ok

Hello! I really like the sentimental, positive tone you've got going in this poem, as well as the rhyme scheme for the first few stanzas. Besides this, the choice of detail and images you've put in here are interesting and create the image of a fondly-remembered idyllic childhood that I believe you're trying to present. I particularly liked the relation of scratches on knees to the bicycle.

One comment I have is that the rhyming is a bit inconsistent in some places, for example, you rhyme line 1(bees) with line 2 (memories) in the second stanza, but in the third stanza, you rhyme line 2 (memories) with line 3 (knees) instead. It kind of disturbs the rhythm of the poem, in my opinion. Secondly, I think you could work on connecting one image to the next. For instance, "half-moon light" seems unrelated to "on my mother's lap", so the change felt a bit sudden when I first read it. I would suggest trying something like:

"The half-moon light
refreshed my childhood memories
of night skies watched while lying in my mother's lap."

Otherwise, I appreciate this poem for your insights on treasuring the past without being sad that it's gone.