In between many beauty hunters.

Heya, Chinku!!

This is Eros here with a short review for this beautiful piece of poetry!

As I saw the title, "In between many beauty hunters," in your portfolio, I felt as if I am given a gift wrapped in a beautiful cover, to open and find out what is there inside. And I really was surprised because this was a special gift and it could not be predicted! This is what is the most beautiful thing of the title that you have given to this beautiful poem.

By the way, it reminded me of Stree movie, I haven't seen the movie but I have watched the trailer. Of course the poem that you have written is very different from the movie obviously, and the poem was indeed unique. Well... back to the review...

This theme is something not very common, that is what makes the experience to read it as very new and interesting. The poem is rhythmic and flows very smooth. All the stanzas are connected with the fine threads of ideas and beautiful imaginations.

The way you have described that girl doesn't make me look at her with the point of view of a prostitute or whore. She is so immensely beautiful and it gave me a feeling that made me blind to the fact of she was a whore.

"With an eloquent attire and dark eye lines

Mesmerizing beauty and killing smile

A song, like a cuckoo in winter

And a breezing tune by a harp in her hand,"

These lines are the reason---these lines cover up the fact of her being a prostitute.

Overall, it was a really beautiful piece of poem.

Another thing that was really beautiful was the usage of the word, "life" in the sense of the narrator's lost wife or maybe girlfriend--his better half. And that fact made me think that the narrator is innocent too like the girl. He is not there with any bad motive, instead, he is there to forget the pains and grief that he had due to loss of his loved and dear one.

It was a beautiful poem... Great work!
*likes*

Keep writing such beautiful poetries and I will love to keep reviewing!

Have a great day!
With love,
From Eros.

Hello there Chinku!
I am Kostia, here to give youa review for your poem!

Before I start with the technical issues of this I want to start by saying that I understand what you tried to express here but I think, in my opinion you weren't quite succesful since it came off a bit confusing for the reader, even for a poem.

So let's get to it.

The stanzas.

First of all I think that for a relatevly short poem in lenght you had few stanzas. I think that the poem could easilly be divided in three stanzas instead of two. I think your first stanza should be from

" In between many beauty haunters" to " a breezing tune by a harp in her hand,"

Then you could have started the second stanza with " All were chuckling and dancing in my mind" and ended with " Was I dreaming or was it real?"

And then leave the rest of it as it is for the third stanza. Even thought I think it would be possible to even make 4 stanzas. I think that editing this and adding one more stanza will make it look more concise and it will clear up the themes (a little) you try to introduce here, I think it would be a wise choice regarding the structure of this poem.

First stanza

Here I liked the verse you started with: " In between many beauty haunters" it really caught my eye at first and that is how I ended up reading your poem. So in my opinion keep it as it is.

NowI wasn't so pleased with the second verse "There was a girl an abandoned girl of small town" Repetition can be a good thing in poetry however I don't thing that in this case it is used propperly. I think it is unecesary to use the repetision of the world girl. If you want to use this element try doing it in different verses insteat of one since in my opinion it comes off tiring and just doesn't seem to acoustically fit.

If I was you I would change that to "In a small town there was a girl" to be honnest I wouldn't even use the word "abandoned" I would try to use it somewhere later or simply show it through the poem. However it doesn't make a lot of difference if you want to include it. So in this case I would suggest "In a small town there was a girl, abandoned".

In the fourth verse " Mesmerizing beauty and killing smile" I would change that to "Mesmerizing beauty and <a> kil(ling) or (ller) smile" if that's what you meant here. I wasn't quite sure.

moving on to the fifth verse "A song, like a cuckoo in winter" I would use something more romantic here inorder to describe the song since later on you mention the harp and a cuckoo in the winter just seems too easy for me. Try something more sophisticated.

"All above it, I was getting drowned in her beauty sight" a small correction here "drowned in her beauty's sight"

Now for the final verses

"Despite of, I had lost my life
My eyes were lost in her eyes."

I did understand what you were trying to express with the word "life" here. However I think it would sound better if you changed it into something like this: "Despite of, I had lost my meaning" or "Despite of, I had lost my lbetter self" (instead of better half)

and

"My eyes were lost in her eyes" again I think this is unecessary repetition. I would change it into something like: "My eyes were lost in hers" or "My eyes were lost in her glance"

The second stanza

In the third verse

"But, I remember I was in a whore house" here I would lose the but and turn it into "But, I remember now, I was in a whore house" it just sounds better to me but that is only my humble opinion you do't have to change it if you like it.

" I was looking my life back on track." I got a bit lost here. Mabe you meant something like "I was looking (to get) my life back on track."?

I will skip to the last three verses since I have no serious corrections for the inbetween, besides it is your poem I can only make a few suggestions.

" And missing ambitions and missing lights.

Though, in between many beauty hunters,

I was there looking for my one night sight."

First of all I d like your ending to be more powerful. I am very demanding when it comes to poem endings. Well endings in general to be frank. Maybe it would have a stronger impact if you changed your wording slightly:

" And missing ambitions and (broken) or (absent) lights.

Though, (in between) or (among) many beauty hunters,

I was there (looking for) or seeking my one night sight."

To summarise:

I think your idea has some potential but your poem needs some work in editing. Not a lot of work but you should go over it again for sure. Even though at some points your phrasing was weak and you used uneeded repetitions, your imagery was greatand very active throughout the poem which is something I appreciate greatly because I am not so good at creating it mysellf. Othere than that I found myself confused with your writing style. As I can see it is free verse with no rhymes which is fine with me. However may I suggest to try that as well?
It could be fitting for the specific poem. I won't go through the spelling and the grammar since I am not a native speaker and I am making a lot of mistakes myself.

This is the analysis according to my opinion and the things you need to work on. I hope my suggestions helped you!

Keep writing!

Have a great day!

Kostia