A blind bird says

Hi there friend! I'm here as promised to leave some of my thoughts on your poem.

Grammar and Spelling
I'm going to grab the "nit-picks" or grammar/spelling mistakes right away so we can get to the meat of the poem.

"Said by a blind bird." -> should be "says a blind bird" or "said a blind bird" you can't have the "by" in there grammatically.

"And, uprooted by the nature," & "And, burnt by the intelligent devils." <- I do not think the "comma" after "And" in either line serves a purpose.

"Leafs had fallen," -> should be "Leaves had fallen"

"Been parted by sharp teethes…" -> this is sort of a strange sentence, like you're missing a word before "been", but that's alright since it seems like you're going for a sort of rushed tone? and the meaning is still clear. I would change "teethes" to just "teeth" (which is already plural).

"Been turned into useless, by selfishness." -> "useless" is an adjective, so it grammatically ought to modify a noun, I am not sure if you intended it to function as a noun in this sentence or not.

Okay! That's all I had for spelling grammar.

Let's move on to meaning.

Interpretation
Whenever I review a poem, I make sure to cover interpretation because at the end of the day you might have a lot of pretty words, but if it doesn't mean anything, then what is it worth?

I thought the meaning of this poem was fairly difficult to decipher.
I think the basis of this poem is a blind bird crying that the trees are being destroyed by both nature as the trees get older, and by the "intelligent devils" or human-technology. The poem goes on to explain the impact of what's happening and continues with this refrain "the trees are running" -> which is a fabulous metaphor - because it can either evokes for us trees "actually" running away - and how maybe they'd like to if they could! or might simply refer to tress disappearing as humans take them. The dual meaning is great. When you can get more than one meaning in a metaphor it really heightens the depth of the piece.

Now one of the most difficult parts of this poem, is trying to figure out why a blind bird is narrating this ordeal? It's a little ironic because if even a blind bird can tell something is wrong, then we as seeing-humans have no excuse. I wonder if it is a symbol for something else though? And on the surface the blind-bird not being explained might actually scare off some readers if they get so enthralled with trying to figure out what our narrator is a bird that they miss the rest of the poem. If you could make that blindness symbolism or the purpose of the narrator more clear within the piece, I think it would help make the poem accessible.

Form

For the most part the form of the piece assisted rather than hindered the piece. For the most part line lengths were consistent - which really helps the flow of the piece, and you had some rhyming here and there as well. I also liked that you were fairly consistent with capitalization (although you could take a second look at commas - there were a few that seemed random.

Ellipses
I did like the use of ellipses (...) in the poem, because it always... seems... a little.... inorganically dramatic (see what I did there...). In other words it feels like the speaker is trying to be mysterious by drawing out their speech for now discernible reason. I just tend to think it's a bit distracting as a whole, and doesn't really help the poem much. If you're going to use ellipses 1) Make sure your use is consistent 2) Make sure the use isn't done constantly (or it loses meaning).

Mirroring
Now I did really appreciate the mirroring aspect of the poem. You start and end with the chorus "Trees are running" and you have other parts in the poem that echo each other too, creating a poetic chiastic structure (poetry form that forms an "X") that draws the reader into the middle of the message. The central message I see is the line in the middle which says "leaves have fallen" which on the surface isn't that dramatic, but when you take a second glance, understanding "fallen" to be a synonym for death it is quite simple and quite dramatic actually. I like it! Your couplets where you started a line with the same word were all nice and added consistency and an almost nursery rhyme "sing-songy" quality which made the poem work a bit like an aesop's fable. In sing-songy poems I'm always going to look for a "Moral" and we have one in your poem.

^ I used some technical terms in there so comment if anything didn't make sense.

Other Poetic Devices
You use a lot of synecdoche in here (or using a part to symbolize a whole) we just hear in the poem about humans destroying trees but this is just one example of their destruction of nature. This is very effective, because by just using the trees you have the opportunity to hone in deeply to this one subject rather than broadly trying to cover everything.

Because you're focusing on the trees so much, I'd love to see you incorporate a bit more imagery - what do burned trees smell like, what do uprooted forests look like, how does the blind bird's song sound? Use words that appeal to the senses (taste, sight, smell, touch) in order to make the poem come alive and stay imprinted in the mind of readers.

Specific Praise
Overall my favorite part of this piece is the theme - you tackled something that is not cliche, and is not generally covered in poetry. That's unique and allowed your individual voice to really shine through.

Your word choice is really elevated in a few places like with the terms "hybridization" and "oculus" - this gives your poem a sciencey feel that contrasts with it's sing-songy feel too.

There were a few places I think the flow suffered because of lines that got a bit long with a few too many syllables, but for the most part those couplets helped keep your poem moving along as the flow got back on track every time we came to a couplet.

Overall, it's a nice poem, and a really neat theme, and with a few changes I think it could be quite interesting.


Let the poetry exhale from your stretched lungs,
but please try not to lose your heart
~alliyah

Hey there, Chinku!!

Eros here again with a review for you!

Absolutely loved the whole poem. I love the way you have described the hybridization part ... I myself study biotechnology and I am well familiar with that technique ... I agree with you on the point that it is disturbing the nature's naturality. Looooved this thing the most.
You know by hybridization and other such "intelligent" techniques,, were just looking for our benefits and we are basically destroying their natural strains.

Above that we are really destroying the nature,
And, uprooted by the nature,

"Getting drier…

And, burnt by the intelligent devils."
This thing reminded me about the slash and burn techniques--- again the techniques invented by the intelligent devils.

We should really consider and keep a check on our actions and consequences of them on trees and wildlife also, as there is already a major loss of their varieties by the nature itself. Apart from that soil erosion, a natural phenomena resulting in loss of sand and small plants getting uprooted, though it is natural but it is happening because of we, humans only! We aren't planting enough trees to prevent it...

I don't know lol if my review is making any sense... But I really loved and enjoyed reading this poem of yours.

Loved the style of writing and it is easy to understand and conveys the message perfectly.

Keep writing such awesome poetries! I didn't see any stuff other than poetry in your portfolio though ... But I would still request you to pleease try writing a short story... But it is still your choice You may feel free to ignore the suggestion xD

Great work!

Keep writing!
~Eros.

Hello Chinku! Katja here to review your poem! As with all my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. With that being said, let's get right into the review!

Interpretation

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have perceived your poem as from the POV of a "blind bird" who seems to notice trees "running" or rather going away courtesy of greedy humans cutting them down for profit.

If I misunderstood, I apologize but that is what I understood to be the meaning of your poem. Please correct me If I am wrong!

Overall Opinion


I really enjoyed your poem. I was confused about the use of the bird being "blind", I'm not sure I understand the purpose metaphorically or literally at it being blind. But overall I loved your poem and the shorter lines. I really loved that your poem shines light on the issue of deforestation as well.

And, burnt by the intelligent devils.

Been turned into useless, by selfishness.

And, uprooted by the nature,

Planting small new hopes, and…

Crumpling the presence!

Thus, the blind bird is singing,

The trees are running,

Trees are running.

Hai!! I am B, ((Which you may know)), I will try to make this into a review!!


First off, I am going to state the good parts about this poem...

I love your poem, and the way that it is worded.


I have no idea why, but I specifically love this part...

"And, uprooted by the nature,

Getting drier…

And, burnt by the intelligent devils.

Discovering hybridization,

Though destroying naturality.

Plucked flowers,

Plucked fruits,

Leafs had fallen,

Been parted by sharp teethes…

Been turned into useless, by selfishness.

Pretending like a savior…

Pretending like a protector.

Planting small new hopes, and…

Crumpling the presence!"

It may be because it is so easy to picture inside my head, and that is exactly how it is, and you are really good at that.

And secondly, I only see like one, and it is just a simple fix...

"Been parted by sharp teethes…"

The dots at the end do not necessarily need to be there...

but overall, I loved this, it was Fantastic!!!

Keep up the great work...

~B