The voices in the darkness grew impatient.
“We’ve been here for so long!”
“Ten minutes. It’s been ten minutes.”
“Can’t we go fight them?”
“I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”
“Hm. Hey kid, what’s your opinion?”
“I dunno. To be honest, it’s just annoyingly dark here. Maybe there’s a-”
“W-where do you think you’re grabbing, you dog?!?”
“Ah! U-um...sorry.”
“You pervert! Die!”
“Ow! I’m sorry! Ow!”
“Shh. Guys.” An ogre’s deep voice echoed through the dream-space. “I hear something.”
Indeed, footsteps were echoing slowly down the corridor. Along with a familiar voice. “Is there anyone left alive here?”
“That sounds like Phobos!”
“Wait! It could be a trap!”
“At this point, if it is, it is. We’ve won or lost whether we like it or not. Let us out, Claus.”
A hole opened in the dream-world, and all the nightmares within tumbled out into the dungeon hallway in a heap. Groaning and grumbling, the entourage of fear collected themselves in a disgruntled crowd.
Matthew looked to his left, spying Arachne. He struggled to find words. “Arachne, um…”
The petite nightmare turned her nose up, deliberately ignoring him.
“Ehehe...sorry.”
“Hmph.”
Claus, turning to look, immediately recognized the figure standing before them. “Father!” he cried, kneeling at Phobos’s shadow. “I’m sorry, Father. I gathered as many of them as I could, but…” He burst into tears, his massive, sobbing form like a quivering mountain.
Phobos reached up and patted his head. “There, there, my son. You did your best.”
Matthew recoiled in shock. The King of Fears was covered in gashes, with dried trails of ebony blood leaking from the wounds. His right arm looked completely mangled, while his helmet looked as though it had been thrown from a cliff.
Walking around Claus, Phobos addressed the crowd. “Fellow nightmares! It is with great sorrow that I must inform you that the worst has come to pass.”
“Cut the chatter, old man,” a voice grumbled from the mob. “Tell us what’s actually happening.” The crowd parted, letting Astraphobia through. The arrogant nightmare had his hands in his ragged pockets, chewing tersely on a stalk of grain. He seized Matthew by the collar, dragging him forward. “It’s this kid, isn’t it? He was bait all along.”
Phobos raised his hands placatingly. “Astraphobia, please-”
“Tell me right now, you son of a bitch!” Astraphobia snapped furiously. “What I wanna know is how that freak got into our castle and killed my wife! She did nothing wrong, you...you piece of…” Howling in agony, he broke down, hands on his head, breathing heavily as tears fell.
The crowd watched him in silence, holding back tears of their own. Matthew cast his gaze to the ground, unable to speak.
“You.” Astraphobia locked his baleful gaze upon Claus, storming towards him. “Why didn’t you save her, you degenerate piece of shit! What the hell-”
“Enough!” Phobos roared, silencing Astra’s tirade. “Astraphobia, please. We know how you feel. But you must be stronger than this.”
His fury lapsing into despair, Astra pushed through the crowd, sobbing slightly. “She was my strength.”
The King of Fears sighed and started again. “My children,” he said somberly. “As you know, Silas Oracle has gained limitless power and laid waste to this sacred abode.”
A few of the more clueless nightmares gasped, while others collapsed into sobs. The grim confirmation crushed the joy from their lives, whisking it away on the ocean of despair.
Phobos continued. “And yet, this action has given birth to a spawn more sinister and wretched than our darkest fears could conjure. His name is Chaser Oracle.”
A torrent of whispers flowed from the crowd, all of confusion and disdain. Matthew stood there in shock, feeling the world shift beneath him. “No way…”
“I warn you, if Chaser Oracle succeeds in his quest, both of our worlds are doomed. Exem has him restrained for the time being; however, he will not survive alone. We must-”
“Wait, wait, wait.” A perpetually angry voice cut through the din, from an unknown figure in the crowd. “You’re saying that Chaser’s our enemy now?”
“Yes.”
“What happened to Silas?”
Phobos looked away briefly. “He has been removed.”
“So that’s it, then.” A flame lit up at the front of the crowd, the man at the center glowing like a golden coal. “If Chaser’s king, then we’ve won! This is our revolution!” He threw his head back, laughing. “Our reality’s a dream at last! We’re taking back our power!” He pointed a white-hot finger at Phobos. “Your reign is over!”
“Shut up!” Astra roared, sucker-punching the fire-nightmare, sending him sprawling. “Pyrophobia, you bastard. You wanna start wars, you little shit? See how far that gets you.”
Phobos raised voice again as the noise swelled in a perplexed clamor. “Silence! Be silent and listen! We must gather an army to restrain Chaser before he exacts his terrors upon the worlds!”
“But it won’t work, will it?” Arachne looked Phobos dead in the eyes. The hall went silent. “He’s got Hope again, hasn’t he? And to think I thought it was a myth all along.” She sighed. “We’ll only stall him. This is suicide.”
“There’s no way out!” someone screamed. “This is the end of all of us!” Matthew stared bleakly at the floor. His dad was gone. His father, his indestructible leader, his incorrigible confidant. Maybe this was the end.
“Not so, my child,” Phobos soothed. “Bleak though it may be, there is yet hope for us. May I present our final measure.” He gestured toward the end of the hall. Everyone turned to look.
Standing there was a girl that Matthew had never seen before. “Um…hi?” She waved awkwardly to the wicked congregation.
Phobos did a double take. “Where are John and Sophie?” he interrogated with an edge in his voice.
The girl gave a shaky smile. “Um...they said they had something to take care of.”
The hall burst in a clamor of outrage, each cry of confusion drowning out the other. Phobos seemed truly angry for the first time in his life.
Just then, a mass of electrified flesh crashed through the ceiling, casting rubble and a gale of dust across the hall. The nightmares gathered watched in stunned silence as two humans detached themselves from the wreckage.
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Hey there! I apologize for not reading previous parts, but let's see if I can help anyway!
To start it off, I like what you're doing here, having everyone sort of speaking at once, but I found it a little hard to follow. There is the broad introduction but then afterwards it seems all bets are off. It would be fine with a couple sentences, but it seems like a back and forth conversation at some points and then random spouting in others. Perhaps lessening the amount of lines going off? Or even just throwing in a couple tags so we know at least a few if the voices.
There was only one other time that I don't think I understood the story being presented in this part -- not counting what I had to figure out by not reading previous chapters. In the very end, when the new girl appeared, everyone was suddenly frustrated with her response and I have no idea why. Unless this mysterious girl was explained in an earlier part, it seems like an interesting reaction. Phobos being angry, yes, makes sense, but why would all the others be angry too...?
(I'm also sort of confused with the ending, because detached just doesn't seem like the right word to use there. Are those the two missing, John and Sophie?)
Otherwise, I don't have any other words of critique. Your dialogue is just spot on and I really enjoyed reading through it, as it shows their characteristics really well. Just as Astra, who has quite the colorful language, but his personality is made so suddenly clear that I can't help but laugh. Great job!
The concept is really interesting, and from what I could gather, these are all fears, nightmares as they're called in the chapter. I'm going to have to come back and read the rest later.
Hope I helped some! Happy writing,
~Wolfare
The hard part of having to post each chapter separately is that you have to get consistent readers looking out for your work or you will never get any more reviews. I like your names, and that is a pretty great compliment because I usually hate character names. Hence why mine have such weird ones, such as Talon and Paxton.
I like how realistically your dialogue flows, but your ending here seems a bit abrupt and not the best of hooks. Just my thoughts.
-Grace