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Young Writers Society


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Dream-Hunters - Chapter Nine

by Chaser


Sophie came to in a cemetery, sitting against a gravestone. The emerald mist crawled between the corroded monoliths, feeding the lichen that infected the stones of the graveyard.

Standing up, she looked around, not that it did much good. The creeping haze seemed impenetrable, forming a shifting wall in all directions, while the moist soil beneath her was just begging for some rekindled cadaver to come lunging out.

A dizzy knife sapped her senses, impairing her mind for a moment. That’s right. She’d been overcome by Necrophobia...and dragged into his nightmare.

A yoke of anger weighed on her shoulders suddenly, seeping into her body, possessing her with rage. She lashed out at a stone, chipping the block with a furious kick. Breathing heavily, she stabbed her spear into the earth. The mist gave no response to her turmoil.

Her heart pounded a fiery fortissimo against Necrophobia. She had to escape.

Releasing her clenched fists, she examined the tombstone she’d been lying against. Stooping, she brushed away the moss, revealing a name neatly carved into the stone. Alfie Oracle, it read.

Heat boiled through her veins once more. “Alfie,” she seethed. Her brother was dead. Her burning mind began to conjure a picture of earlier days. Back when they were the feared Dream-Hunters. Back when they were a family. Back when they couldn’t lose.

Tearing the blurred image from her mind, Sophie stomped on the ground, sinking a pit into the earth. “It’s not fair,” she whispered. Since Alfie had died, she hadn’t won a single battle. She used to announce her title with pride, and her aura was a beacon that conquered all who dared oppose her. But now...Alfie was dead. For the first time in her life, she felt despair crushing in on her, choking the life from her body.

“We’re not invincible, Alfie,” she rasped. “And now, I don’t even know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if we can get through this.” She covered her eyes with her hand, sobbing. “I just don’t know.”

She cried for a moment, then quickly composed herself, drying her tears. It was only an illusion, anyway. Any moment now, a zombified Alfie would come roaring from the grave, seeking to rip her brains from her skull.

“You know, it’s actually quite nice here.” The voice pierced the fog, its familiarity striking her with sudden shock. “In the dream-world, bending reality, warping the landscape to your whim…” The voice’s owner was a silhouette in the distance.

Sophie uprooted the Lance, tensing herself. “I am the Lance of Judgement. State your name, master, and business.”

“Don’t give me that, Sophie. You know exactly who I am,” the voice spoke, its form barely visible in the dense haze. The shadow grew closer, striding through the fog. A boy stepped forward, the smoky shroud peeling from his shoulders. A cheery grin contorted his face. He spread his arms out in greeting, looking Sophie straight in the eye. “Hey there, sis.”

Sophie took a shallow breath. “Alfie.”

“Y’know, Sophie, I’m kinda disappointed you didn’t guess right away.” Alfie laughed, slipping his hands into his pockets.

Sophie could barely believe her eyes. Alfie was here. But there was something...off about him. His normal red t-shirt had been replaced by an inky black one, while his athletic shorts had been exchanged for pitch-dark jeans. His smile was unnaturally wide, considering the situation.

“So yeah, nice to see you too,” Alfie said. “I’ve been just fine, thanks.”

“Alfie.”

“What is it?” She sensed genuine warmth from Alfie’s smile.

“What happened to you?”

“Uh, yeah, about that.” Alfie coughed deliberately. “Let’s just say that now, I’m bigger, badder, faster, stronger, and all kinds of etcetera. Did you miss me?”

“Alfie!” Sophie threw her arms around him, melting into his arms.

The boy patted her on the back, resting his chin on her shoulder. “There, there, sis. It’s alright now.”

“This is great!” Sophie exclaimed, pulling away. “Now Chaser doesn’t stand a chance!”

Her smile dropped off of her face and plummeted into the earth when Alfie reached his arm around to scratch the back of his head. “Yeah...about that...no.”

“No?” Sophie drew back hesitantly. “What do you mean, no?”

“I mean, I’m not going to stop Chaser. As a matter of fact, I’m helping him.”

They stared at each other blankly for a moment, letting the gravity of Alfie’s words sink in.

“What?!?” Sophie screamed, recoiling in shock. “But you’re-”

“I don’t have time to explain,” Alfie interrupted, cutting her off with a wave of his hand. “But I’m here to ask you, please...just stay out of this.”

Sophie tightened her grip on her lance, pointing the tip toward Alfie. “I-I can’t do that. I can’t let Chaser win.” Her grip shook, but she steadied it as best she could. “I must keep fighting.”

Alfie cast his eyes downward, sighing. “I thought you might say that.” Black sparks began arcing across his face, sealing it beneath a featureless ebony mask. “Still, I can’t let you stand in my way.”

A tear gathered in the corner of Sophie’s eye as she saw Alfie’s writhing aura rise up, like a black veneer around him. “Alfie,” she choked. “Why?”

“It’s not your fault. It’s something that’s plagued our family for years. Our darkest secret. We were destined for this. We’re the Oracles. Or rather, you guys are the Oracles.” Alfie swayed slightly. “Silas Oracle isn’t my father. I’m not you think I am.” A burst of force flooded from his body, ripping the earth apart in all directions. “I’m a nightmare, Sophie. A bastard between worlds. We might share the same mother, but my father is Phobos, the King of Fears.” He choked as he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

Sophie stood there, rooted to the ground, as the whole world collapsed upon her. A hellstorm of emotions brewed in her chest, and the most prominent one was shock.

“What...no way…” She could barely speak. Shaking her head, she refastened her grip. “It doesn’t matter what you are. I’m stopping you right here and now!”

“It appears that your justice differs from mine. So be it.” Alfie lunged towards her, his wraith-like body forming a stream of pure darkness, tearing up the ground beneath him. Sophie grimaced as he neared.

Alfie gasped in surprise, his gaunt punch caught by another. A nightmare in a top hat and suit with a crow perched on his shoulder gripped his fist, halting him completely. “Sorry,” Exem apologized primly.

Pushing his hand forward, he shoved Alfie back a hundred feet, sending the youth tumbling in the dirt, smashing through a row of gravestones before coming to a halt. The crow on Exem’s shoulder burst into harsh laughter.

“Madame, if you would please come with me.” Exem waved his hand, opening up a portal. “I must remove you from this battlefield.”

Sophie hesitated, looking at Alfie, who was collapsed a distance away, getting up slowly.

“Hurry,” Exem urged, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Fine,” Sophie resolved, jumping into the void. Exem looked at Alfie one last time, muttering to himself and shaking his head before leaping through.


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91 Reviews


Points: 6950
Reviews: 91

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Sun Sep 27, 2015 11:55 pm
burninhell wrote a review...



So that was a mahusive plot twist.
I feel so sorry for Alfie, he honestly just seems to be one of those characters who just winds up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I kind of wish that there could have been a bit more about him, I feel like maybe after the beginning and then the chapters in between he was a bit forgotten about and then got brought back again. Maybe you could put a chapter in the middle somewhere showing how he came to find out about his parents and what made him turn his back so easily on the people he thought were his family. I mean they might not be his family but I feel like maybe he should still treat them like family.
But anyways, that's just a suggestion, I just think that maybe it would fill in a couple of blanks there. And I'm also completely relieved that Sophie was okay and the zombies didnt consume a few parts of her (I'm not sure why I was worrying about that, but I was) but she's quickly making her way up the league in my favorite characters in this story of yours.
I loved it anyways, I love this story. Like seriously the whole plot, I have no idea how you came up with it but it's amazing, and as much as you're probably bored of reading my little narratives of my thoughts, I really do love your work
Burninhell :)




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94 Reviews


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Reviews: 94

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Sun Apr 26, 2015 5:00 pm
Satira says...



Hi!
Satira here on behalf of Stitch, here for a review!
Since I haven't read any earlier installments of this story, I hope you'll forgive me for any slip-ups pertaining to plot.

So here's what I'm getting- your description is great, but sometimes I think it goes a little overboard. Although I can visualize your story very, very clearly, I would keep in mind that what you need to describe is only that is important. Don't get me wrong, a little thing CAN be important, But things like 'the moist dirt' don't need to be described. It bogs down the actual story.
Also, try spending a little more time on the dramatic moments you describe. For example the phrase, 'black sparks raced across a featureless mask' intrigues me, but you only spend THAT line on describing it, and if you expanded that description, it could hit me with even more force. And Exem just opens up a portal in the end, which is a pretty big, and visually interesting thing. Maybe describe just HOW he waved his hand, or what the portal looked like. Opening up a portal is never as simple as opening up a portal. And what does 'void' feel like?
Lastly, never underestimate the word, "said'. All of those fancy adjectives and verbs take away from the action, which you write extremely well- Only use words other than 'said' when they have to be used. For example, if someone 'whispers' and we didn't otherwise know they were whispering, then that word can be left in. But if someone 'chats', then..Well, we KNEW they were talking, right? So 'said' can stay 'said'.
Anyway, I think your writing was very good, and I would take the things I say with a grain of salt, anyway...I'm not a professional editor, haha!
Good luck, and keep it up!
~Satira




User avatar
94 Reviews


Points: 2348
Reviews: 94

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2015 5:00 pm
Satira wrote a review...



Hi!
Satira here on behalf of Stitch, here for a review!
Since I haven't read any earlier installments of this story, I hope you'll forgive me for any slip-ups pertaining to plot.

So here's what I'm getting- your description is great, but sometimes I think it goes a little overboard. Although I can visualize your story very, very clearly, I would keep in mind that what you need to describe is only that is important. Don't get me wrong, a little thing CAN be important, But things like 'the moist dirt' don't need to be described. It bogs down the actual story.
Also, try spending a little more time on the dramatic moments you describe. For example the phrase, 'black sparks raced across a featureless mask' intrigues me, but you only spend THAT line on describing it, and if you expanded that description, it could hit me with even more force. And Exem just opens up a portal in the end, which is a pretty big, and visually interesting thing. Maybe describe just HOW he waved his hand, or what the portal looked like. Opening up a portal is never as simple as opening up a portal. And what does 'void' feel like?
Lastly, never underestimate the word, "said'. All of those fancy adjectives and verbs take away from the action, which you write extremely well- Only use words other than 'said' when they have to be used. For example, if someone 'whispers' and we didn't otherwise know they were whispering, then that word can be left in. But if someone 'chats', then..Well, we KNEW they were talking, right? So 'said' can stay 'said'.
Anyway, I think your writing was very good, and I would take the things I say with a grain of salt, anyway...I'm not a professional editor, haha!
Good luck, and keep it up!
~Satira




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216 Reviews


Points: 10184
Reviews: 216

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Sat Apr 25, 2015 10:29 pm
kevin25a wrote a review...



Well as much as I did like this chapter and the plot twist, it just seems like you're delaying the conclusion. I liked how you did this chapter, but that's what it seems like to me. Somehow I don't believe that history behind alfie either, just seems to convenient this late in the story. It also makes no sense how necro trapped her there, but didn't even bother appearing, even as she was allowed to escape. This chapter just felt entirely artificial, for the most part. I liked it, but it just didn't have the edge most of the other chapters do.





Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
— Henry David Thoreau