Arachne screamed as Chaser’s sword cleaved her in two. Grinning, the nightmare extended his auric hand towards her, tearing at her soul.
“Don’t touch her!” A blond-haired nightmare wrenched Chaser’s hand away with a scarlet lasso. Arachne fell backwards and dissipated into spiders, and the black swarm scrambled back over the rocky terrain, reforming a distance away.
Chaser grabbed the crimson string, yanking the other nightmare towards him. Bringing the Sword of Panic upwards, he thrust viciously at the blond man, who caught it on his threads. Chaser’s spirit surged forward, a dark, tainted yellow. The string nightmare gritted his teeth as the sword strained against his trap.
“So, Linus,” Chaser purred, “how would you feel about joining me?” He smirked for a beat. “No strings attached.”
Crimson energy surged up around Linus, igniting his strings with a violent thrum. “I won’t let you hurt anyone else!” he yelled, wrapping his web around the blade.
“You’re adorable.” Chaser pushed forward, snapping the wires one by one. Linus gasped, and he stumbled backwards, clutching his broken threads.
“But you’re too high-strung, Liney,” Chaser hissed, grabbing the other nightmare’s shoulder and stabbing into his abdomen. The soaked blade protruded out Linus’ back as his mouth gaped open. His fingers twitched, the string falling from his grip.
Chaser raised a gloved hand, starlight blazing in his palm. “Lighten up, will ya?” He gripped the blond man’s skull, his eyes shining scarlet. Arachne shielded her face as both nightmares were enveloped in a blinding aura, the magnitude crushing the earth around them.
Linus was nowhere in sight when the light faded. A piece of red string drifted from the air as the wind ceased to breathe.
Shing. Chaser let it fall on the edge of his blade, severing it in two as it fluttered to the earth. He stomped on the pieces, grinding the carmine lines into the dirt. He grinned at his foes. “So, who’s next?” he asked.
The crowd of nightmares gave no answer; many glanced at Phobos, pleading. Chaser chuckled, then gave a triumphant whoop, tossing his head back.
Forming an electric guitar from the milky light, he rippled the strings with his fingers. “Another one bites the dust!” he sang, dancing a skeletal tarantella in the remains of his enemies.
Arachne trudged back to the line of nightmares, clutching her shoulder. Exem turned a ghastly eye towards her as she neared. “Arachne,” he said, “you did well.”
“I still botched the tag-in,” the girl grumbled. “Remind me again why we’re fighting like this?”
Phobos glanced at her, though his burning visage made it look more like a glare. “We cannot afford to rush in against Chaser.” He stared back at the excessive celebration, which had now moved on to moonwalking. “He’s being overconfident; we can use that to our advantage.”
Exem nodded. “If we send nightmares in one by one, there’s a chance that we can wear him down before he defeats us all. And - Is he really doing a headspin?” The three of them looked to where Chaser was whirling like a silver top, still strumming crazily.
“How gauche,” sniffed Phobos.
“Indeed. Now, what was I saying?” The top-hat nightmare tapped his chin. “Oh yes. This way, we can look for any weaknesses in his dream-relic, exploit them, and put this whole mess behind us.” The multicolored ringmaster leaned wearily on his cane, seemingly tired of explaining.
“But he’s not getting weaker!” Arachne protested, flinging an arm out. “And even if we find some way to beat him, we won’t have enough people to do it! He’s absorbing our family!”
Exem clapped her firmly on the shoulder. “Don’t,” he warned, nodding towards the nightmares around them.
Arachne wasn’t listening. “We’re not doing anything here!” she yelled, drawing stares. “We’re just...we’re just...you’re…” She trailed off, the puzzle falling horribly into place. Arachne’s eyes dropped, despair looming over her. “No…”
The nightmares glanced nervously at each other, shifting in place. Slowly, dread began to sink into the air, tarnished by Chaser’s manic solo in the background.
“Hah.” A thin, raggedy scarecrow sighed harshly. Violet sparks crackled around his arms as he stared at Chaser. “You’re stalling for time.” Astra crossed his arms and shrugged, eyes closed. “You...you’re stalling for the humans.”
The sparks grew wilder, arcing up and down his body. Astra brushed his oily hair back as his eyes lit up like flares, enshrouding him in a purple aura. “You’re stalling for the humans.”
Phobos recoiled slightly, panic striking his expression. “Now, now, that’s not the case,” he said, putting his hands up in a placating gesture.
Grey clouds began to blot out the sky, churning at their center. Chinks of lightning flashed between them, making the air hum with electricity. Astra gritted his teeth, clenching his fists. “The humans,” he growled, spitting the words from his mouth.
“This may be a problem,” admitted Exem.
Lightning blazed down from the heavens, igniting Astra’s body in a pillar of violent amethyst. “You’re sending us all to die!” he screamed with the force of a thunderclap, deafening the dreaworld.
“Nightmares!” Astra turned, addressing his fellow fears. “We’re the monsters in the dark, aren’t we? We’re the beasts in the night that force people under the covers! We’re nightmares! Are we going to trust our fates to the same people we control?” A few nightmares shook their heads emphatically. Phobos looked increasingly dismayed, but his words were completely drowned out by Astra’s voice.
Astra pointed towards Chaser, shocks pulsing over his fingers like a second skin. “This man has come to destroy our worlds, and kill us all! But are we afraid of him?”
Scattered “No!”s resounded strongly from the crowd, the monsters hanging on every word of the electric warrior.
“And why not?” Astra cried. “Because we are fear! We’re not going to hide behind the Dream-Hunters. You hear me, Phobos!” he yelled at the armored shadow. “If we run from this, Chaser wins. Are we going to run?”
“No!” The nightmares raised their fists in the air. Arachne did the same.
Astra’s eyes glowed purple, and he raised his fist as well. “Tonight, we avenge our fallen. Tonight, we prove our worth as nightmares! Now, who will stand and fight with me!” The crowd cheered as lightning struck into his hand, encasing it in crackling electricity.
Phobos was waving wildly, trying to shout over the crowd. Exem looked down pensively.
“Chaser!” Astra screamed, the violet aura tripling in size around him. He charged forward, tearing the ground apart beneath him.
The other nightmares erupted in a frenzy of similar battlecries, rampaging forth in a monstrous wave. They stormed across the battlefield, kicking up black dust beneath them as they converged on Chaser.
“Avenge our brothers!”
“Kill him!”
“Make him pay!”
“Harass him with clowns!”
Arachne started to run as well, but a gloved hand yanked her back. “Don’t even think about it,” Exem said, staring coldly down at her.
The ringmaster regarded the mob and sighed. The King of Fears grimaced. “This isn’t how it was supposed to go,” he seethed.
Arachne cocked her head, smirking. “What’s so bad about it? You know we can’t rely on the Dream-Hunters.”
“Don’t you get it?” Phobos snapped, his eyes bursting crimson. “He’s not going to hold back anymore!”
Fear dropped into Arachne’s stomach, hard and cold. “Hold...back?” Trembling, she looked back up at the battle.
Chaser was standing with his arms crossed, eyes closed. The phalanx of nightmares charged, Astra crushing the earth with the force of his lightning. The Prince of Nightmares didn’t so much as glance at the scores of monsters, the tidal wave of demons crashing over him. Slowly, Arachne watched his lips curl from his teeth, his face twisting into a sinister grin.
The fears of humanity crashed into him, burying his white-clothed body beneath a writhing mass of black. Arachne was rooted to the ground as dark yellow glowed from the battle, an aura of pungent fear.
It exploded, sending creatures flying in every direction. The pig-nightmare Agrizo was launched across the grey horizon, squealing as he careered into the dream-world sky.
Exem glanced at Phobos. “Are you going to say it, or should I?”
Phobos scowled. “Don’t push it.”
Arachne quavered in place as the dust began to clear. The nightmares left standing were already worse for wear, heaving in a tattered circle around the enemy. Chaser hadn’t moved an inch.
“Don’t look so surprised,” Phobos remarked. Arachne glanced up at him as he shrugged. “You did say that this was hopeless earlier, didn’t you?”
The girl gritted her teeth. She shouted, “That doesn’t mean we have to involve the humans! This isn’t their fight. They didn’t do anything!”
“Arachne.” Exem’s tone was deadly serious. “It may be difficult for one as old as you to accept, but we can’t win without them. Silas Oracle started this, and now Matthew Oracle must end it.”
“No!” Arachne flung her arms out. “Why are you making him go through this, just to save yourselves! Don’t you realize what this dream will do to him? Take responsibility!” she yelled, fangs growing in her mouth. The orbs of her hairpins began glowing malevolently, like a spider's furious glare.
Exem and Phobos fell silent, demonic eyes dimming. The immortal nightmares stood over her, not saying a word. Eventually, Arachne shifted back, looking down.
Phobos spoke, in his slow, condemning way. “What’s done is done. They may not be our best hope; however, they are certainly our last.” Sighing slightly, he turned to regard Chaser’s fight. The azure-haired killer was still completely motionless, even as their family hacked away at his body. He also seemed to be posing, oblivious to his gashes leaking like a bloody stream.
“I won’t accept it.”
The King gave Arachne a sidelong glance. “Hm?”
“I said, I won’t accept it,” Arachne breathed, clenching her teeth. “I’m not going to let you hurt them anymore, I’m not letting Chaser fuse the worlds, and I’m not letting this go any further.” She turned away icily, walking towards the battle. She couldn’t see Phobos’ reaction; she didn’t care, either.
Drawing a sharp breath, she let herself collapse into a writhing flood of spiders. The swarm slid across the terrain like a living carpet, each spider indistinguishable from one another. Slowly, the black wave rose and crested, throwing the battlefield into darkness.
Chaser looked up as she approached, and his features transformed into an odd grin. Swiping his machete in a wide arc, he repelled the rest of his foes, dashing towards Arachne. Striking his foot against the ground, he leaped crookedly into the air.
Arachne didn’t so much as flinch when Chaser’s blade cleaved through her, carving a silver scar in the black wave. The wall of spiders collapsed over him, flooding the nightmare up to his neck. Chaser gagged as arachnids crawled into his mouth, pouring down his throat. Arachne forced the swarm in, a sea of legs skittering across the prince’s tongue.
Chaser struggled and thrashed, trying to claw the spiders from his mouth as they dove deeper. Arachne swarmed into his stomach, setting her spiders to the walls of his flesh.
The arachnids screeched in unison as she ripped Chaser apart.
Dark, wriggling blood burst from his chest, chunks of flesh and spiders falling from the cavity. Chaser looked down to see a writhing nest where his organs and bones should have been.
Arachne rose into human form again, backing away. The Prince of Nightmares looked completely dumbfounded as the mass buzzed like a black hive inside of him.
She tensed. The whole attack had been a gambit. If Chaser had absorbed a human, perhaps he could die like one. Her eyes widened in panic. "What?!"
“Huh.” The prince stuck a hand inside himself, causing the spiders to scream. Chaser cocked his head and poked at the shifting hole, seemingly captivated by his hollow chest.
Losing interest, he looked back up at Arachne, smirking. “Do you really hate me that much, dear sister? You’ve broken my heart. Not to mention my lungs, ribs, kidneys, intestines-” He jammed a hand into his lower torso, ripping out a fleshy tube. “Oh, wait! I still have those!”
Arachne recoiled in horror as Chaser burst into laughter. “What, did you think that you could kill me, just because I nommed Silas? I’m a nightmare! You’re a nightmare! As long as people dream, we can’t die!” He spread his blood-stained arms, the maw of his chest gaping wide as if to embrace her.
“Bastard!” Astraphobia crackled forward, his rage mirrored by the heavens. Turning, Chaser dashed the lightning bolts away with a flick of his wrist. The scarecrow grunted as Chaser’s elbow connected with his cheek, sending him spiraling into the dust.
“Arachne!” A hand gripped her shoulder, forcibly spinning her around. Exem’s face was drawn in fury, plasmic eyes shaded by his top hat. “What do you think you’re doing?”
She scowled, crossing her arms. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m fighting, because you obviously can’t.”
Exem shook his head, muttering to himself rapidly. “No, we have to regroup, we’re too exposed, we’re not going to last, we have to-”
“Shut up.” Arachne shot him down with an icy glare. Spiders raced across her skin like extra veins, lacing her body with ebony. “We have to fight. That’s our only option.”
Exem shook his head again, more emphatically. “No. That’s what he wants you to think. You’re fighting because you think there’s no other option. You’re fighting, but you think it’s hopeless.
“In other words,” he said, his voice smooth and frosty, “you’re fighting out of fear.”
Arachne clenched her teeth, resisting the urge to punch the taller nightmare. “Of course we’re fearful,” she retorted. “Hope is our enemy, isn’t it?” Refusing to look at Exem again, she turned back toward the fight.
Chaser’s face was mere centimeters from hers, crimson eyes gleaming insanely.
Arachne cried out, falling backwards onto the rocks. Chaser loomed over her with a razor-sharp grin. “What’s wrong, my dear sister?” He advanced on his hands and knees as she scrambled away. “Don’t run! Just relax, and become one with your big broth- ack!”
Exem smashed him away with both fists. “We don’t make those kinds of jokes here,” he stated, dusting his knuckles off.
Chaser flew backwards, coattails flaring out as he flipped himself upright. “And here I thought that love was the most powerful force in the universe…” He chuckled, fists on his hips.
The ringmaster grimaced, turning back to Arachne. “Is there nothing that will convince you to trust them?”
She kept a hard expression, standing defiantly.
Exem pressed his lips together and sighed. “Then I have no choice.” Already, his hands were whispering through the air.
Blurring with speed, he slapped his palm against the ground. “Fall!” he shouted.
Arachne looked down and gasped. The ground had been deleted away, leaving a square abyss beneath her. A portal swirled hungrily at the bottom.
Her stomach dropped as she began to fall. Instantly, she thrust her arm out, extending her reach with a claw of spiders. She latched onto the edge, slamming painfully against the side of the shaft.
Breathing heavily, she glared up at Exem. “What the hell!” she shouted.
Exem looked even more distraught. “You must leave this place and aid the Dream-Hunters! I fear you may be the only one who can!”
The words struck ripples into her soul. I fear. Arachne began to tremble, her spiders agitating around her body.
Exem was afraid.
White-gloved hands reached out behind the ringmaster, clamping over his mouth. Chaser grinned as he ripped Exem’s head back, immobilizing his brother. “You fear, you say?” he purred, cackling softly. “Then why don’t you give in to my hope?”
Exem struggled, gasping as Chaser’s hand crushed his jaw, blood running from beneath his brother's gloved fist. His deformed mouth fell open, a mess of blood and shattered teeth. His eyes were wide, tempestuous. “Ohhh!” he screamed.
Go. Arachne covered her mouth with her hand as she watched Chaser shove his hand into Exem’s body. Jerking her head away, she released her grip. The claw dissolved from the edge of the pit, dispersing into spiders that fell with her, like drops of black rain hissing into the whiteness.
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AnarchyWolf here to review as requested. Let's get going.
First off, I liked it overall. It was a very good, if somewhat violent, piece. And this is what I thought. You have a very strong grasp on your vocabulary. Good words create vivid imagery, and when you use things like ‘cleaved’ ‘wrenched’ and ‘thrum’, the reader gets a strong sense of what's going on and exactly how it's happening. "... the wind ceased to breathe." This is excellent personification.
Parts of this rather dark, rather violent, and rather intense chapter were actually quite funny. Instances like "... had now moved on to moonwalking. “No strings attached.” is very punny. The “harass him with clowns!” , during the battle, where Chaser is absolutely wiping the floor with the nightmares, this gives the reader a chuckle. Finally, the majestic flying pig - "the pig-nightmare Agrizo was launched across the grey horizon, squealing as he careered into the dream-world sky.
The characters are fairly well-written, as well. I dislike Chaser, simply because of how sadistic he is toward the nightmares, but he is a good character, regardless. His victory dances and "moonwalking" were especially amusing. He's also a fairly intriguing villain - did he go through some kind of trauma before the fight/story?
Now, onto stuff you can work on. This was, all in all, a very well-written piece, so mistakes and weak spots were hard to come by. I did, however, try my best. These are the few I found:
"He smirked for a beat..."
I don’t know... It doesn’t feel like the best way to measure a moment. Perhaps try ‘moment’ or ‘heartbeat’.
“I won’t let you hurt anyone else!”
I’m getting slight hero-type main character vibes here - you know the type, like Eren Jaegar or Harry Potter. This character trope is very, very overdone (overdone, but sometimes well-done, as with the case of Harry Potter). But, I don’t know how he’s acted previously, so trauma could’ve bought it on, which is why I’m gonna let it slide.
"... he defeats us all. And - Is ..."
You don’t need a capitol letter after the hyphen.
“We’re just...we’re just...you’re…”
Don’t forget capitol letters and spaces after ellipses.
"... eyes closed. “You...you’re..."
Again, capitol letters.
"Scattered “No!”s..."
I think it would read better if you don’t try to pluralise dialogue like that. Change it to ‘Scattered shouts of ‘no’ resounded...’ or something similar.
"Exem looked down pensively."
Minor thing, but because of the good use of everything image-related in this story, the adverb stands out. It’s kind of a lazy way to describe a verb, and it really does stick out. Try to show that he’s looking down pensively, with a simile or metaphor or some of the imagery you’ve used earlier, rather than telling us how he looked down.
"...she didn’t care, either."
Like AliceAfternoon said, this one does feel a bit awkward. It’s a different style to the rest of the entire piece, like painting 1700s Dutch style in a modern piece of Cubism. It doesn’t feel right. Something like ‘and nor did she care about the reaction’ or just a simple ‘she didn’t care’ would serve better.
"...crimson eyes..."
You’ve connected eyes and crimson a lot in the chapter. There are different words for red.
"...deleted away..."
The ‘away’ doesn’t really serve much of a purpose. ‘Deleted’ is just fine on its own - the 'deleted' indicates that it's gone away without the need for the actual word.
So, yeah. In conclusion, that was all that I found. There were far more good things than bad things. I hope it helped a bit? And sorry it took a while to get done.
-AnarchyWolf
Hey! I'm here to review your prologue as you requested! So let's get into the review

First Impression:
This was brilliant! I loved the dialogue, it was so realistic and fluid. You're characters really came to life. Gosh! This is the sort of writing that inspires me to be a writer. Seriously! This is amazing!
Story:
Really interesting! This is probably one of the best writing I've ever seen on YWS. I don't think there's much I can say to make it better because it's already so good. I love the bit of humor you put in once in awhile it really makes this chapter entertaining
I also think you should rate this violent xD but it's okay I actually like reading things with a lot of gore and violence.
How're the characters?
I thought your characters were really good. Each one of them seemed realistic. I was a bit confused on all the named but then again I'm just starting to read it on Chapter 21.
I liked Astra's speech a lot :3 and I like Chaser because I usually like the villain xD and he's really funny.
Grammar:
"She couldn’t see Phobos’ reaction; she didn’t care, either."
I'd remove the comma after 'care'. It created an awkward pause.
Also, did I go overboard with the descriptions?
Nope, not at all. I love descriptions because they help paint the imagine in the readers mind and the help build the suspense.
Suggestions:
"Grinning, the nightmare extended his auric hand towards her, tearing at her soul."
I think it would not only sound so much better but make more sense if you change 'his' to 'its'.
Summary:
I was left dumbfounded. Oh. My. God. This is so freakin' good. Like wow. Wow! I'm surprised you asked for a review because this was amazing!
Sorry my review was just praise,
Alice ♥