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138,126 Literary Works • 672,075 Reviews
This has been sitting here for a month - let's get it out.
So, lyrics. I don't pretend to be experienced with them, and of course it's hard to convey what you want without actual music to go with it, but I like what's here. It's a solid song that both sticks to what you introduced in the first part and expands on in well in the later verses.
So yeah, you convey exactly what you're intending, but I think the end result is that everything feels a little one-sided. That may not be a bad thing - most popular songs are rather one-sided - but I feel like you never really characterize the narrator beyond the fact that she's annoyed by her boyfriend's ex stalking him. Maybe it's a lack of background - we never know why they broke up or how the MC and the guy got together. We don't even get a hint.
You have a pre-chorus but you never mark the chorus. I'm assuming it's the line starting with "If he hasn't text'd you back in years." I just thought it was strange you marked one and not the other.
I think this line can imply more than you mean it to - this is at the beginning of the song when we don't yet understand that it's a girl trying to weasel her way back into her ex's good graces, and the use of PG made me think you were taking this in a different direction than you did - I thought maybe she was sleeping around with people but pretending she was just flirting or something.
I almost feel like 'well' would make more sense as 'while,' given the previous line.
The second line, particularly the 'seriously,' felt like it had too many syllables, at least the way I was singing it in my head. I wish I could think of a better word, but I'm honestly having a bit of a hard time imagining the way those words at the end of the line would be spoken in general.
All in all, I think this is really solid. Not so much my type of song, but it flows well and I can sort of sing it in my head. Now if only it would transform itself into a perfect mp3 recording, am I right?
Thanks Mea!!
<3
Oh and I know. I sooo wish I could easy convey exactly how I hear it in my head but I'm not a good singer and I'm only mildly musically talented
Aye, hi!
I must say that i tried and failed many times to sing this; and i finally came to an agreement that i could only rap this one out.
I really like your pre-chorus because it has very strong meaning attached to it. Its quite dramatic and you've added a lot of strong feelings in there. Your lyrics are quite persuasive and i like the repetition because it can show the reader(or listener) that you really mean what you say.
"Go right ahead, ask his sister where we stand". This part is a bit confusing because i dont know what "we" refers to. Does it refer to you and the guy? Or is it another group of people. Because of this, i also questioned you role in this song. From what perspective do are you giving the advice? For me i think that you are writing this from the perspective of a friend or from the guy's new girlfriend. Anyway, i hope that this is clear and helpful enough for you. If you have any questions, just ask!
Hey thanks for the review!
I wish I was a better singer and musician so I could show how I hear this in my head :p It's up-tempo but the feel of the pre-chorus is a little slower.
I agree, the perspective and the role of the narrator is a little ambiguous. It's from the perspective of a girlfriend to the guy's ex because she keeps trying to subtly wiggle her way back in.