Lorenna

I have a love/hate relationship with songs as good as this because while I really enjoy reading fine work, positive reviews tend to end up shorter!

I like how heartfelt and detailed this is. Story songs aren't easy (especially for me), and the topic of a woman who has gambled too much on being with a man who screws her over has been done quite a bit before, but this piece doesn't feel tired at all. If I had to make one suggestion, it would be to try to streamline the line "she gave everything up to come live in the United States" because it feels a bit awkwardly long compared to the line it rhymes with, and it might sound clunky when sung. But that's just a suggestion. Excellent job, and keep writing!

Hey there Carlito. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

One quick note, I had to be on mobile for this review so please excuse any typos. I try to fix them but then my mobile keyboard unfixes them. The mobile status also explains for the lack of quotes but who knows, I might be able to get them to work today.

I haven't reviewed any lyrics for a long time, mostly because I couldn't find any in the green room and because I was sort of afraid of messing up. In the past I always treated lyrics like a piece of poetry and hopefully that still works.

Overall I actually liked the piece. <- That statement right there is very surprising, probably to the author reading this and to me. I liked the content and the flow because it reminded me of another song, so I could easily adapt it to a similar tune. That's just how it worked in my head but I liked how the lyrics could fit many different styles of tunes. I would figure you meant this as a pop type of song, just going from the actual lines.

The story is telling of some sort of heartbreak but it's not like modern country where they drag it out really far. In all seriousness though, modern country is basically pop with banjos occasionally and super predictable outcomes. It'll be better for my personal opinion if I consider this to be pop.

After reading it through again, maybe I can't compare it as much as I did before to the Young Americans, but overall the idea sounds the same. If this is in fact based off of the true events of your friend or some acquaintance, o would feel somewhat sad. But if you treat this just as a song, it's not particularly heartbreaking. The previous comments really disagree with his opinion but I just felt the need to share my side.

I don't mean to be mean with any of these comments, I was just being truthful. I've tried to add the sugar coating in the past in reviews and it really ended badly for both me and the author. The song is quite interesting and the story is very easy to follow. Both are nice qualities to have.

So my apologies if you disliked this review. I have found I have a way to make people hate me. Anyways maybe one of these comments will help or maybe just make you feel good knowing your song is good. I really don't know.
Have a nice day.
Happy RevMo.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs

Wow, um Cynder here.

I don't know if you spent a lot of time on this before you posted it, but whenever you did, or if it all happened to come at once... magic. Well done.

The chorus is a little heartbreaking but in a good way... if that makes any sense at all.

My only critique would have to be... I can't sense a clear rhythm. I'm not sure if its rap or country or... It may not matter to you, but if you want your readers to get the best possible impact, having them-us-understand your song is, well, what makes reading and writing in general so amazing and special.

That said, I totally love your lyrics, and I wouldn't change them a bit. Everything reads very well, rhythm aside, and that deserves some props. So congrats! Good work.

I'll end on a good note, so keep writing, keep going, because I can already tell you have quite the gift.

~Cynder out.