• Home

Young Writers Society

Bible verse

by Carlito

old & deleted <3

Is this a review?



User avatar

Points: 234
Reviews: 1

Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:55 am
PinkLoki wrote a review...

I love your song you wrote here. I wish people wouldn't go against God and His people, but they do anyways. This song somewhat spoke to me in a way that I can't explain, because I was bullied from Kindergarten-2nd grade. I was homeschooled since then. I would never forget the bullies and everything. I've never fitted in certain things until later on in my life.

God has a plan for each and one of us!

Please keep writing!

User avatar

Points: 600
Reviews: 4

Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:44 pm
View Likes
Wakiya wrote a review...

Hi, it's Wakiya here with a review. I think this is an amazing song. The way the lyrics rhyme is incredible. Also the words go together naturally and the song just flows. You really should keep on writing. I hope God blesses you with more songs. Good luck!

Carlito says...

Thank you! :D

User avatar
19 Reviews

Points: 78
Reviews: 19

Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:31 pm
View Likes
corgisrock22 wrote a review...

Greetings! Corgi here with a review!
I love this lyric and it really tugs at my heart strings. Though i am not religious, i can relate to this, and it makes me feel stronger. I was bullied a lot in elementary school because I have a processing disorder in math. Kids would tease me and say i was stupid and it hurled me into a depression. I didn't smile for a year. From a combination of bullying, my school not giving me the proper help i need for my processing disorder, and just the school its self, my mom switched my schools. At my new school i got the IEP help i needed, i made new supportive friends, and my teachers helped me so much. My confidence boosted so much, but then i had to go to middle school. Middle school was the hardest time when it comes to school, and we all have been their done that. I got bullied again, and in 8th grade i wasn't getting the help i needed, AGAIN. I suffer from migraines, and i was constantly getting migraines. My mom switched me to online school, and this has made me so much stronger. With public school, i didn't have time to reflect on things that happened, but now i do. It makes me stronger. I have developed stronger walls and confidence, and ways of defending myself from the few that try to bully me. This lyric reminds me of my journey so far, and it makes me feel so much stronger. I am thankful for my dear and loving mom who has always been my protector and best friend. A dear family friend is battling cancer for the second time, and i have been so stressed out about it and i've been scared, but this lyric helps remind me that i am strong, and he is too. We all have hard times, and like they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Thank you for this song, and i am so proud of you that you overcame your hardship and made this song to show how much you've grown from it. Keep writing and stay awesome! ~{Corgi}~

Carlito says...

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the song and were able to relate to it! I'm also glad that you're doing well now and have found some inner strength <3

User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 428
Reviews: 16

Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:03 am
View Likes
bloodstring wrote a review...

OKAY! This is just great...I love it and if I could I would be singing it right now.
By the way...I'm #bloody and I'm here to review your poem. I mean, your song.
Now, now, I'm not much of a pro but I'll try my best to give you my thoughts. Noticed that? That sentence just rhymed! Forget it. I'm just being crazy and all.

I just love the fact that the rhyme you have incorporated into the song sounds so natural. Yeah, believe me, it does. For example:
"I never asked to join" and "up there with all the noise".
You know what I mean? It's just amazing that you have managed to rhyme two lines from two different stanzas, or should I say verse? Not everyone can do that so congratulations.

There is just one mistake I noticed in the fourth verse but I'm assuming that you overlooked it. I think "ever" should have been "never".

Anyways, I hope this has helped you a bit and may your voice be at its best when you sing this. Also, may God bless you with more songs and, finally, GOOD LUCK!

Carlito says...

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the song :D
(and I didn't notice that typo!)

User avatar
1220 Reviews

Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Wed Sep 27, 2017 2:45 am
View Likes
Kale wrote a review...

Hello there and happy RevMo (even if I am a bit late to the reviewing party)! It looks like I'm also doubling up as part of the After Watch because wow is the Green Room empty.

Anyways, I went into this all ready and raring to review a poem and trying to recall which form you were using because there's obviously some structure here, only to go mid-way through "Huh, this reads like a song..." and then I looked at the genre and went "Oh. Lyrical as in song lyrics and not lyrical poetry."

Thought you might find that entertaining, and excellent job on accomplishing that. A lot of lyrics don't really feel like songs without the music to back them, but this does, and if I had to pinpoint why, I'd say it's because it all flows.

I do have to say that I found your use of assonance in place of rhyme to be interesting, though I think you might want to tweak your first two lines a touch because they set up a straight rhyme while the rest of the song is at best slanted, which made the second verse (or are we going with a 1A 1B structure? idk) feel a bit off initially.

Carlito says...

Haha I can totally see how this could be mistaken as an odd poem.
I almost always go for slant rhymes in lyrics because I think it sounds more natural or flowy :) Thank you for your notes! I appreciate it!

I didn't want to slow time, I just wanted to make a little rock.
— MomoMajesty's brother