I am glad this got featured again. This is just breathtaking.
Holy crap. The way you embodied this... I at first saw just the words, and then the colors came, and I was floating... floating the pictures you painted, floating among the stars and watching ideas float through my fingertips, swirl around me, I was in your utopia... and then I woke up when you did, and I felt the crushing disappointment as you did...Wow. Just wow. There is nothing more to say here. This is a piece that is art, one that lifts you up with its paintings and beauty and flow. I felt this. At the beginning, I was right there in your footsteps. As you went on the ride, so did I. When you woke up, so did I. When you expressed all of these beautiful things, I felt them, absorbed them into my heart and soul.This was amazing. I want to say good job, but at the same time I feel as if that is inadequate for what you've put in front of us.
Hey @Carina!So I came here thinking I'll leave a review but then I read this and went "Forget that!!" This is just a pure work of art!I have to agree with @alliyah's assessment of this being an "experimental poem".It really is, and you killed it!I'm just going to have a little fan-girl moment because I was just mesmerized for the past four minutes and it was beautiful.Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. (That's a lot of redundancy but I just had to.)When I started reading it, I thought, 'wow that is good' because all I could see was up to the word, "possibility" and then-Oh My Gosh.I think a part of good poetry is not just writing itself, but also the way you arrange it on paper. And by that, I don't just mean the font or style, etc. The structure that you built in itself was a big additive to the poem. The words arranged in the form of a scissor, going across the sheet, and even the WORDS that you chose to be in that format made the poem so meaningful.(I'm probably not making any sense right now, sorry )And just as I thought that THAT was the most exciting part, I scrolled and Jesus!It's like one of those gifts you open and the confetti just keeps coming and coming.It was really beautiful. (Let's get a dollar for every time I've said 'beautiful' here, haha)I usually tell the author what some of my favorite lines were but I cannot pick any particular ones in your poem because I loved it all!I think this is one of the best poems I've across on the site, so KUDOS on that.I love how you talk about breaking rules and pushing the limits and you do JUST THAT, and it's like suddenly you fall back into line, following the rules again. It's like you blew our minds for a second, showing us what you could do, and then just suddenly went back to being normal.Overall, I loved this. This is probably the only review I've given where I've said so much and said nothing at all! Sorry about that.XOXO
@Carina just stopping by to say this poem is absolutely incredible. And is a great model for what experimental poetry can aspire to. I think this makes it into my list of favorite poems on the site. Thank you for sharing your talent & art!
This is really cool. I agree that the limitations suck, but maybe some day imaginative rebels will prevail!
This is amazing. I really can't think of anything else to say about it. It's awesome.
I love this poem. I've had stories and poems criticized in class because they didn't follow the proper rules (punctuation, choice of words, etc.) or because they were too vague and abstract. Your poem and the pictures you chose describe exactly how writing, and art in general, should be. But I agree with Snoink on the font for "NO". It did remind me of a font for a sci-fi video game, and didn't seem to fit with the rest of the pictures or messages. Otherwise, nicely done.
Pretty!My main review-like negative comment would be that I don't like the video game font that you used for "NO" because I think it's a bit too odd and not the proper font. (YES, I AM COMMENTING THAT YOU SHOULD CHANGE THE PART THAT TALKS ABOUT NO RULES. THE IRONY HITS ME TOO.) Still! I actually did like the abrupt ending. I think one of my favorite parts about the pictures is how the picture loses its framing midway as soon as color explodes and then gains it back (gradually, with gradient) as the writer snaps back to reality. It's pretty cool.My other comment is that your name is spelled wrong. But, I think you knew that and you're just taking artistic liberties here.
This is literally one of the best things I have read, and looked at. <3 Fabulous job.
I'm going to look at aaaalll your art now. ^_^
Dang!! This is so cool!
I love this so much! Many emotions ran through me when I read this.....I just can't describe how amazing this is
Yo, Carina. I adore this; it's really pretty and the poem in itself is pretty--it's like a cool visual journey and it's one of those things I wouldn't mind taping on my wall and looking at, like, a lot. It also has this neat ... not storyline, but something of a vague arc? which gives everything this flow-of-consciousness feel. In short, it's been formatted lovelily and I'm digging it. As a poem, I found it was rather similar to 'i wish to write', but it tackled writing quite differently. 'i wish to write' struck me as an author embarking on a quest to write, but without the necessary tools. This poem feels like a sequel to that journey, where the writer's found the tools and wishes to use them in a new and interesting way, but is constrained in their endeavour of doing so. It also ends on a somewhat-bitter note as opposed to the suppressed-hopeful ending of 'i wish to write' and it feels a bit ... incomplete. You can tell I'm not over-ly fond of that ending. It was very abrupt, and I'd really have liked something subtler and less ... blatant? The ending seeks to /act/ like a crash-landing, like being startled awake, but it doesn't really succeed in that effort. It just ... stops. That's it. 'And then//I awoke in the real world' is very bland. You can do much better than this. I'd even have liked a simple: 'And then//I wake//up//withoutfailwithoutfail//dreams slipping through my fingers//again' because it would've illustrated (heh, 'illustrated') the confusion of being shaken awake from your dreams/an after-writing-like-crazy stupor. I don't know. I know the ending is meant to mimic the beginning, but the tone of quiet acceptance just isn't getting across. And that bothers me. Most of the imagery you've used is pretty simple (but well-knit, too) and the poem relies more on its format than on utilising new mind-images to make a point--which is cool, don't get me wrong, but I feel like some parts could be stronger. 'smiling faces//and laughter//upon the tips of my fingers//and ink of my pen' is one of those parts. It's an awkward phrase and it barely skims the intensity of the written word. It's a very grounded statement for all the stellar hi-jinks writers get up to when they experiment--I want something more than overdone 'ink and tips of fingers' imagery. I want the same determined grit, the same short-but-sweetness that gives me chills, that gets across with 'the forbidden places'. Weed the cliché out. Give me more than fresh air and sun--give me breathing suns and wild imagination that actually comes into play. The two key tools in this poem (the images and the actual words themselves) should collate. The part nearing the end 'THERE//ARE//NO//RULES//HERE' gets a bit difficult to read (especially when you reach 'here'). I think it's purposeful, but it also made my eyes hurt and felt like a bit too much. XD Nothing more to say here, though I will reiterate how much I enjoyed this. Write moar! Hope this helped somewhat. ~Pomp
Ohhh, my lord, Carina. You took my breath away and ripped out my heart. With this poem, you you filled me with energy and the desire to rebel against everyone who has ever showed me the boundaries. I want to drag those people to those boundaries and then cross them, looking defiantly behind me at the crowd of people who will never know what it is to truly live. This was so beautiful, and I will love you forever for writing it, and sharing it with the world, because this is exactly what the world needs to hear. I feel ridiculous writing a review for this because there is only one thing that I paused for the slightest of seconds at. When you are writing in the person, you say "sending the strength I need..." And I expected it to say, "sending me the strength I need..." The absence of the "me" tripped me up, but I didn't fall, and your poem proceeded to catch me with the "there are no rules here" part. I loved that. I loved this. This is such a masterpiece, I can't even write anymore without repeating myself. This inspired me more than you can ever imagine. The ending broke my heart, and made me want to do that much more to make sure I keep all my dreams cupped in my hand.~Caterpickle
This is a true art work and works very well on the computer, as I enjoyed the anticipation as I scrolled down. In this line I felt that you were trying to say ‘in a world were art is made.’ But instead I got the opposite meaning from the phrase ‘falls apart’.
But what if in a world where art falls apart The rules are broken?
‘this is the place ive always imagined’
In case anyone was wondering, the pictures used were all from an open domain site, free for private or commercial use. Hope you enjoyed the read!
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