Smile
***
Just smile,
It's easy, stop being so juvenile.
***
You have dams for eyelids for a reason,
Block that river, its treason.
You do not deserve to grieve over 'nothing'.
***
It's me your crushing,
My dreams, my aspirations, my hopes have been destroyed.
Just smile, why can't you look joyed?
I’ve done all this for you, don’t you see? Tell me, in what did I fail?
***
If need be, I'll hand you my veil
The one I wove myself out of the finest of silks and velvet,
Use it as you would a shield and helmet.
Paint on it extravegant landscapes of greenery,
***
It's never too much. Always too little.
***
At first, wearing it will feel like a death sentence,
But eventually, you will accept it as your fate. As I have.
In fact, it will become a part of your soul. Your lifeline.
***
You have dams for eyelids and silk for armour.
What more could you possibly need?
***
So just...
Smile
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
I really like this because you use the armor as the protection against the depressed thoughts that run through everyone's minds. I also love how you try and convince the reader to smile even though we all know that they probably won't. I also love how you don't have any errors in your punctuation and how you say that wearing the armor will feel like a death sentence at first, but then you would accept it, and it would be part of your soul, your lifeline, as you had put it. I think it was very creative, it's also very convincing. I had actually smiled the tiniest bit at the last stanza. I think you did amazing! Keep up the fantastical work!
A cloud dropping a drizzle of review~
Honestly, I am not quite confident in my ability in judging a literary piece technically. Its mechanics and what not, I only know a few (young, dumb, and still dumb, and broke).
Anyways, I could represent as an audience. As a writer it is important to know the feedback, for improvement. Here it is,
The prose has a genteel feeling to it. Simple yet deep. Organization of the flow is well thought. There are a few forced emotions put in there. And I saw mispelled "extravagant".
Overall it has a light tone to it and little garnishes of feelings here and there. Have a good day!
I find this quite interesting. It shows that want that constantly seems to be there for something more.
Thanks
I find this quite interesting. It shows that want that constantly seems to be there for something more.