Grim and languished, they turned to you,
Oblivious and sceptical of what they'd be offered. They were graced with
Ocean's worth of comfort and support.
Doomsday and hell we endured and survived.
Blessed we were and eternally grateful we are.
You helped us acknowledge the light awaiting to be found at the end of this seemingly infinite tunnel.
Eased, we left you ...yet to tumble and fall, but to rise, stronger than ever before.
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
I like your use of using the first letter of each sentence to Make the word goodbye.
"Grim and languished, they turned to you,
Oblivious and sceptical of what they'd be offered." Well besides the word 'skeptical', there shouldn't be a comma after 'you'.
"Eased, we left you ...yet to tumble and fall, but to rise, stronger than ever before." There shouldn't be a comma after 'fall' and 'rise'.
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
Legacy here for a review.
I love the concept of this poem and how positive and realistic it is at the same time. It is very beautiful. You use figurative language and imagery very well. You don't have any grammatical or spelling issues that I can see except for your last line. I would rewrite it as "Eased, we left you to tumble and fall, but you rose stronger than ever before". Don't get me wrong, it is my favorite line in the whole poem.
Another pet peeve I personally have (but in no way do you have to correct) is the bolding at the beginning of each line. I feel it is distracting and takes away from the message of your poem. I think it would be better if you left them unbolded and uncapitalized (except for the ones at the beginning of a sentence) and then make it more of a surprise for people to make out the meaning behind your title for the poem.
Hopefully this review wasn't too harsh and this helps you make this strong poem even better. Legacy out.
Hey, thanks for your feedback. I agree with it all. I'll change the bolding your right.