It's me.
***
Rosy-cheeked and starry-eyed,
I was the girl whose eyes teared up, face crimson with lust by your pleasantry.
***
Radiating happiness, youth and innocence,
I was the girl who’d gift you shy smiles and sideway glances.
I was the girl whose father humorously handed you the task of protecting.
***
I, was the silly girl who believed you could.
The agony and betrayal I'd endured over the years…
Is now etched into my face in the form of a permanent frown.
The small girl with big eyes and a warm heart has vanished.
***
I am protecting her from what you couldn't.
I am protecting her from a loathly, lonely and lugubrious being.
Someone no one thought would come to exist.
Now, she exists only in my memory. And perhaps, yours.
I am protecting her from the only thing no one could…
***
Myself.
Hi, so, I began writing this with the intent of producing a completely different type of poem, but this is what I came up with. Please let me know how to improve. Thanks :)
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139,244 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
It's me.
Italicized = My interpretation of the line
Bolded = Spelling mistake
Strikethrough = Remove
Underline = Add imagery/descriptive words
Spoiler
***
Rosy-cheeked and starry-eyed,
I was the girl whose eyes teared up, face crimson with lust by your pleasantry.
Either they had sex or she blushed when he was around.
***
Radiating happiness, youth and innocence,
I was the girl who’d gift you shy smiles and sideway glances.
She was a cute little innocent girl who had a crush on a boy.
I was the girl whose father humorously handed you the task of protecting.
Her father was okay with their relationship.
***
I, was the silly girl who believed you could.
The agony and betrayal I'd endured over the years…
Is now etched into my face in the form of a permanent frown.
The small girl with big eyes and a warm heart has vanished.
His betraying her has permanently scarred her.
***
I am protecting her from what you couldn't.
I am protecting her from a loathly, lonely and lugubrious being.
Someone no one thought would come to exist.
Now, she exists only in my memory. And perhaps, yours.
She has completely changed and has grown stronger in order to deal with her own emotions.
I am protecting her from the only thing no one could…
***
Myself.
Hey, thanks for your review
This...was...FANTASTIC!!!!!!! You provided great detail and imagery, that I actually felt like the speaker. I love how each stanza describes how she changes, from being a light-hearted girl, to being a heart-broken girl (if that's what you were going for), to being a memory of a light-hearted girl, that had to protect herself FROM herself. If I'm being truthful here, I had plenty of favorite lines, but I'll only list two.
"Rosy-cheeked and starry-eyed,
I was the girl whose eyes teared up, face crimson with lust by your pleasantry." This made me think of a small girl who was innocent, but developed into something more than that.
"Now, she exists only in my memory. And perhaps, yours.
I am protecting her from the only thing no one could…
***
Myself." Now this one, my most favorite line, spoke to me, saying that the sweet girl she once was, is only a shadow of her now, and that this "you" she is talking about, probably thinks this too. And because "you" clearly couldn't protect her from this unknown factor, she had to protect herself from that unknown factor that is finally revealed in the best and most suspenseful word you could've used: "myself."
So great job! I can't wait to read more of your poems, you seem like a talented writer! Keep up the fantastical work!
Thank you
I enjoyed reading this poem about a violated trust and an innocence forever lost due to betrayal. It is well thought out and skillfully organized. It also tells a story of a relationship gone wrong which adds drama. There is disappointment expressed and innocence taken advantage of. A perceived benefactor turns into a perceived predator. This changes the girl's viewpoint-she loses her innocence. Can no longer look at others with the same trusting eyes for fear that she would once more be taken advantage of.
I like the way that the author identifies as the girl and yet refers to her in the second-person singular "her" "she" as if referring to someone else. Although the exact details of the betrayal aren't provided, the hints are there for the reader to reach a probable conclusion.
These are my favorite lines:
Very nice composition. Look forward to seeing more of your work.
Thank you %uD83D%uDE0A