Young Writers Society

This is a really beautiful poem that had an odd effect on me. The imagery of this piece, specifically the part where you describe the "cloyingly medicinal, right-up-your-nostrils scent" brings back very startlingly vivid memories of my childhood, specifically about living with my grandmother. I definitely think this is something that most people have at least some sort of memory related to, whether it be in their own home or in the home of an elderly relative, and I think you've done a great job of putting a very strange feeling into words. It is almost relieving in a sense that this sort of surreal memory from childhood is not all that uncommon.

Hi there Cadi. This is Kays here delving in for a review that isn't a Green Room review because the Green Room is looking a little empty and I'm in the mood for a bit of poetry. With that being said, let's jump in.

In the first stanza, 'spidered tangles' is quite the odd description. The description and imagery of the first stanza other than that is quite intense. Quite...powerful. The toothpaste stains and crusted streaks of white and maybe even hair can be hanging off of the wall (small strands) or perhaps that's what's in the sink. That first stanza is hard-hitting and I love how disgusting the imagery gets even though in reality that isn't all that bad EVEN THOUGH that's past the point where I begin to clean because ew hair and ew toothpaste on the wall. Bathroom Blues I have to say is quite the appropriate. As for the second stanza, the adjectives get to be a little much.

Cheap, cloyingly, medicinal--cut down on these and in their place strong nouns and verbs can be there. While I'm not saying I don't absolutely enjoy the second line because of how on-point the description is of the bathroom cabinet scent but I do believe the stanza can be stronger with better emotional weight behind each line here. The fifth line starts an an awkward point and I suggest reworking that general area of lines four through six to fix the punctuation.

As for the third stanza, it's a lot more optimistic except for that last line talking about the time in the world of the speaker being autumn instead of spring which is why spring cleaning can't happen--a nice twist. Overall the themes are gotten across well enough but I'm going to suggest revisions and edits to make this even stronger and better flowing.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Consider putting this under the "humor" section; this is hilarious. I don't have much to say about your poem. It's simple, short, and sweet.

You have a rhyming couplet near the end. That word being there makes me angry. It makes me shuffle in my seat and look for a window to smash my head through. Was that intentional? Did you want to leave the ending ambiguous and have the fate of this cruddy bathroom open-ended? If so, then leave it alone. If not, then leave the rhyming couplets until the very end, because I'm sure that I'm not the only with this itchy feeling. Your poem seems incomplete without these rhyming couplets.

Really. There's nothing else to say. In architecture, it's the smallest buildings that are the strongest. You have a very strong building here. If, of course, I had to give any advice at all, I would have to say, keep writing. Always, always, keep writing!

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

I really enjoyed this poem. It had nice pace, meaning, concepts, etc. You've got a great work here, and I commend you for its creation.

While I would love to see a poem which is literally about a bathroom, because that would be hilariously unique, something tells me that's not what you were trying to convey. My personal interpretation of this piece is the idea that the narrator has a history he/she/they wants to move in from. Eventually they will, but that point in time is far off. Admittedly, I've never been great at deciphering the meaning of poems that are so vague and metaphorical, so it's entirely possible that my interpretation is completely incorrect. If so, please correct me.

Assuming my idea is accurate, then I must say, this is a very unique work. The metaphor you chose to run with is different, but not too convoluted. It really enhances the experience of reading the poem. I don't believe I've ever seen a poem compare just about anything to bathrooms, so that wins some points in my book. XD

Overall, great job! Keep up the great work, cause I look forward to seeing more from you!

*waves*

This sort of reminds me of Macbeth, when the Lady Macbeth imagines blood on her hands and continually fails to wash it away. This is different, of course, but the feeling is the same - a build-up of something unwanted that, whether by procrastination or inability, can't be easily removed. That such a message could've been conveyed by means of a sink and cabinet would've been unfathomable to me yesterday, but makes sense here. I admire all of the descriptions and images poured into the poem - hair on the drain, dried toothpaste, the smells of medicine and hospitals, etc. They're simple, but effective in showing the difference between the ideal bathroom (like one would see in a magazine) and this one, which appears to have more neglect and issues. I dunno, I find them all symbolic of depression and internal problems (especially in referring to the "spidered tangles" that cling onto all of the grime), and I'm impressed with the unexpected and unique metaphor.

Assuming that metaphor, the final stanza is both depressing and relatable. In spite of the hope of possibly cleaning up the mess, something holds the narrator back. It may simply seem like too hard of a task, or there are other responsibilities to be dealt with first, and the world is just too sour and gray (as implied by autumn) to really make it worth anything. Being in a similar boat to the narrator, I can understand any of those explanations, particularly the first and last. In a poor mood and situation, cleaning up one's life looks perfunctory and silly. So yeah, that's about all I have to say? The flow is good, though I feel like the last two lines of the second stanza are abruptly separated from of the rest of the stanza (and I don't know if mentioning anxious thoughts makes the extended metaphor's message too obvious?). The comment about toothpaste stains also has an odd tense shift, and the present and past parts of that can be better united with a semicolon. Nevertheless, this was a nice, contemplative poem to read. Well done!