We shout our voices hoarse and raw to
brag of our respect for you
who bid us keep our world from
hate, but friend, you know, we're failing.
Take one look at our softened hands,
so slippery, so red; though we
had the chance, we saw your throw—
I think we dropped the
torch.
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A/N: This was an exercise for class, using the Golden Shovel method, where an extract from an existing poem provides the last word of each line. (The existing poem used here is, of course, In Flanders Fields by John McCrae.)
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Canary word: Present
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This is a very creative poem you have written and I like it very much. I do not wish to repeat words that have already been said but I completely agree with @Radrook with the theme of fumbling the torch showing how the living have failed to heed the wishes of the dead despite the praise.The general somber tone of the poem I am picking up adds weight to the words. Very well done.
Thanks for sharing this poem based on another poem "In Flanders Fields" written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae. In it he speaks of how the dead in Flanders Fields toss the torch of responsibility to create a better world to the living.
http://www.flandersfieldsmusic.com/thepoem.html
Your poem tells us that the living have fumbled that torch and dropped it even though the living praise those who died in those wars for their courage and dedication. I like the expression of "hoarse and raw" voices. As the saying goes, words are cheap. Dropping that torch is an excellent way to symbolize the living's failure to heed the wishes of those who died.
http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/pass+the+torch
You did a good job under the restrictions impose by the assignment. I would give you an A+.