I like it hot and very late in the night
It increases my temperature
And causes sweat to form on my forehead
It reduces my stress and places me in a calm state
Almost as if I were in a trance
I enjoy the satisfying feeling I get in my stomach
Warm, filling, teasing aches
That sometimes leaves a “more-ish” feel
And other times I’m left totally satisfied
What a delightful feeling
One can only achieve with
A hot cup of Cadbury chocolate tea
Purchased at HiLo Supermarket
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Heya babyla. I really like the poem and obviously the ending was so unexpected and funny. A cup of tea sure does make me feel that way.
'And cause sweat to form on my forehead '
It should have been 'causes'.
'Almost as if I was in a trance '
Was should be 'were'.
But other than these teeny-weeny mistakes, everything else was good. And your poem, i just loved. So keep writing.
Cheers
CatherinKanya
Thanks for the "heads-up". as you can see i made the changes
and definitely i would keep writing. And also, you should check out my other poetry, especially my new favourite -the epitome of rejections-.
looking forward to your reviews.
La
I like this, especially the ending - I didn't expect it. I think that you expressed the topic very well - I felt like it was happening to me, beads of sweat and all the rest of it.
The last two sentences are pleasingly random. Out-of-place sounding, but in a good way.
I was confused at this line, though -
"That sometimes leaves a “more-ish” feel"
I can guess at the meaning, but I feel like I haven't comprehended it fully...it just confused me somewhat, pretty much. What do you mean by more-ish - that your stomach is full with more than it's used to, or that you have the feeling that you want more? It could work either way, really...so you may want to revise that. Up to you, of course.
Just wondering - is "chocolate tea" a common phrase? It seems like it would be, but I haven't heard it before. Did you mean it as a pun or merely at face value? (I hope that makes sense to you)
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this overall. Keep writing...not that you'd ever stop, of course.
I am from the Caribbean and "Chocolate tea" is a normal phrase. more-ish in this case was the feeling that you want more another phrase deriving out of the Caribbean dialect.
thanks a lot for your comments it was greatly appreciated, and i do hope you better understand the entire poem.
Brilliant!