Either the male or female division of a species
You or me! "Yuh see".
Hormones Raging
And, men and women acting like sex aging,
Motel providing secret sanctums
Where you
Can be anonymous and random.
With only a bed clothed in the cheapest cotton
And an age old T.V
And rooms separated by thin concrete walls.
Everyone feels private
They didn’t want to see actors,
They wanted to be actors.
Turned on and inspired by an epitome filled with passion
Text messages possessed with sultry and provocativeness
That created a tension so strong
It was destined to break
Shatter
Or explode
The moment was right
And tonight is our night!
The stage is set
And its time to act!
Being late was rude
But come-on you should know
Your costume makes statements.
How dare you enter my theater?
Inappropriately dressed
Out of costume, out of act
You killed me
Released my tension
And infused rage into my system
Sadly this time it wasn’t that of my hormones
How could you be so cold?
Me, Laying there in my birth garment
And you turned on the T.V instead.
Your lack of attention to me,
Was the epitome of coldness!
I lay there frozen solid
And I wondered,
as the tears rolled on like credits
Why wasn’t the script like the epitome?
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140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
This. Is. Brilliant.
This is quite possibly one of my favorite poems that I've ever read. You have such a strong voice and tone here that it just sets the mood. There's an erotic nature of this piece at the start, but it turns into something darker and more... feel-envoking by the end.
There's such a deep, sensory feeling that goes along with this piece that I just attached to automatically. I think you really did a good job of painting the image of the dressing up and play out their "scenes". You have words here like "birth garment" that sound so magnificent that they just work here.
I like that in the end, the narrator doesn't get to put on her show. I love that she has a desire unfulfilled because her co-star doesn't wish to partake. It's so thought provoking about how our world has entered a sort of Sexual Revolution in which society has become so numb to erotic and provocative actions. It's so normal now that people don't really pay attention anymore.
I think that you showed this very well and I'm in love with this piece.
Brava, dear. Brava.
I am pretty much a novice when it comes to writing poetry, so my opinion comes from a normal person's view. It seemed to be very thought out, like how poetry is supposed to be. But I did notice a few small things that could be changed to make it slightly better.
"And I wondered
And as the tears rolled on like credits."
You should have taken out the second "and," it was unneeded. I highly suggest really going through your work grammatically before you post it up. There were only a few, tiny, oddities in the poem, but the concept that you showed us outshined them.
thanks much aragi. As you can see i made the change. My advice to you is to keep writing and write harder when you don't feel like writing. write even about not feeling about writing. I consider my self a novice too so no worries.
keep on writing
La