Fire

by BaByLa1989

  • Poetry
  • Horror · Lyrical

Published October 14, 2012

In Poetry

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Oh immortal fire!
Burn away my last breaths.
Let my decay fill these eyes with tears,
To regret their words.
 
Let the curse of remorse forever haunt their dreams,
For my end ,
Begin shall be despair,
Among those who deceived.
 
Whose hate consumed my soul,
To reveal a dehumanized creature of malicious intent.
Oh immortal fire!
Burn away my sin,
To ash my guilt.
 
Let the sorrows of my soul fade into your fires,
Flame away my scars of pain.
 
Ablaze my frozen heart,
Let thine light guide my soul through their darkness.
 
Oh immortal fire,
Accept the sacrifice of my last breaths…..
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Javshanidze
Review
Javshanidze wrote a review Review · Oct 15, 2012

I liked rhymes. It's kind of unique.

The whole verse brings lots of energy. And this energy flow doesn't go down, it keeps this... thrust.

Something is really bothering you - it's easy to see ^_^ (duuh!)

But it's great sometimes to have that kind of a feeling, to be hurt from your own sins. We all want to get rid of responsibilities that our mistakes granted us. We want to get away from everything and start all over. but, we can't, you can't restart - "life is no nintendo game".
But if we try, I believe anyone can achieve peace of mind. ... but that's boring :)))


BaByLa1989
BaByLa1989 replied · Oct 16, 2012

Life in the sense of being able to restart may not be a Nintendo game but in the sense that there are so many different types of games out there that can be played, definitely it is a Nintendo game.


Common games

There are many games that we play. Here are some common ones which it is useful to understand and manage.

'Attraction-Rejection' Game - is the classic lovers' alternating chase game.

Blame Game - avoiding responsibility by blaming others.

'Catch me' Game - is about the thrill of the chase.

'Clever me' Game - seeking approval for things done well.

The Drama Triangle - The persecutor, victim and rescuer story.

'Poor me' Game - seeking sympathy by expounding on ills.

'Recognize me' Game: seeking attention to assuage limited self-esteem.

'Save me' Game - seeking salvation.

Status Game - elevating social position.

'Stop me' Game - the self-harm of addicts and others to get attention.

War Game - Destructive two-sided conflict.

User avatar
Sourdude16
Review
Sourdude16 wrote a review Review · Oct 15, 2012

Great poetry, I can see emotion in the righting.
One negative is a lack of rhyme, unless the writing is going for a more generic original feel.
Definitely original.


BaByLa1989
BaByLa1989 replied · Nov 16, 2012

thanks :)



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
— soundofmind