Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,714 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
Really like the 'ghost' analogy. I think it fits really well with the idea of sleep as well as the inability to obtain it. However, I feel that it could be expanded on further. Perhaps a brief description of a physical metaphorical ghost to enhance the mood and power of the analogy?
Another point which was good, but could do with some slight improvements was your desperation to sleep. If you could somehow convey a sort of torture by the 'ghost', tempting you to sleep but then snatching it away it would add to the desperation you show in this. Again I feel this would enhance the feel of the piece.
As it stands, this is a great piece of writing; engaging, descriptive and vivid. Anything I've suggested is just thing that would make it BRILLIANT!!
Thanks medievalwriter your comments is appreciated and I would take into consideration what you suggested. looking forward to a even more brilliant piece of writing
Hello! Thalizar here!
I loved it, very blunt but very in depth at the same time. It's a little paradox and I love that. It can be read on the surface or picked apart and analysed. I like how it switches from lower case to upper case, I'm not sure if that was planned, but it gives the impression that the author is tired and needs to sleep, the author does not have the time to capitalise. Brilliant!
However, I felt that each stanza (paragraph) seemed to have a different style, now, although I can understand that this gives each stanza and part a unique style, it wasn't for me. The poem didn't seem to flow in a way that read brilliantly. That's all!
Thanks for the comment it was greatly appreciated. The three stanza was written at three different time period, hence giving them a unique style. It wasn't a plan to switch form lower to upper but that was how my sleep problem was, it started low and increases. Do you have any suggestions that I could use to make me piece flow in a way that read brilliantly? I would really love for it to have that flow.
Nice font. Nice poetry. I like the way it flowed and in poetry the rythm is very important to me. I didn't find any mistakes so good job on that note. I liked the last few lines, how it got a little dramatic , demanding. 3 1/2 stars.
thanks