Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.
She could feel her heartbeat on her body like an interminable tattoo of drums. It seemed to pound in the very air, and she felt certain that even a human could hear it, that he was tracking her through that sound. The crate she was crouched behind barely hid her form, and there weren't very many other places to hide. They'd find her. They'd hunt her and they'd catch her, and then they'd kill her. She didn't want to die.
"Hey, beastling. Just come out already. We won't hurt you." That was the woman. The woman who'd been with the man on the horse, the one with the cub. Her voice was soft. Her voice was soothing. Linna had almost believed her words at first. She had a burning bullet line of blood trickling down her leg to prove otherwise. Her footsteps tread slowly closer in the pause that followed.
"I know you're there." Bump. Thump. Badump. She could barely breathe through the rising panic. Maybe the woman was the one tracking her heartbeat. Run run run screamed her body. She tensed at the slow snick that signed the release of the safety on the woman's gun.
Linna darted from her hiding place, launching herself at the ledge of the rooftop next to her. A human wouldn't have made it. She almost didn't. The metal drainpipe cut into her fingers. Beads of blood trickled down to her wrists. Straining to pull herself up onto the roof, she bit back the tears at the edge of her eyes. She could feel the woman's gaze on her.
"That was stupid. It leaves you wide open." The sound of the gun firing filled the alley. A bullet ricoched off the wall beside her arms, bouncing back down to the cobblestones. "Oh dear. I have a bad aim today. I won't miss again."
Linna didn't mistake the amusement in the soldier's voice. She was having fun. The bitch was having fun shooting at her. The tiny spark of anger amongst the fear lent her the strength to swing one leg up. There was another shot.
She didn't feel the bullet, didn't notice it until it stopped, buried in her leg. Then the fire burned its way through her calf, drawing out a howl of pain as she managed to land her body on the roof. She lay there for a moment, unable to process the pain bringing her body to a halt. The world was covered in hazy clouds.
No. She wouldn't black out.
Rolling over onto her stomach, she dragged herself upright. There was a low whistle from the alley.
"Crazy animal. You won't get far."
Linna lurched forward, swallowing the bile that rose as she put her weight on the leg that had been shot. She just had the time to duck as another bullet passed her by. One step. Then another. She could move. A tile slid from under her feet and she stumbled, but her hands caught her. Nimble little cat her mother always used to say. A cat just worked on reflexes. And then she was moving again, faster this time, the black haze still following her sight, but not obscuring it.
Stumbling over a poorly constructed bridge between two houses, she was met with ramshackle buildings, their denizens watching her with wary eyes. Their gazes turned hostile as they took in the space above her head and she realised that she had lost any head coverage. And so she kept moving.
*****
They watched the girl slip out of the town, barely hiding the marked limp and her ears. This town wasn't surrounded by a wall, the residents had never found a need for one, and so no one challenged her as she left. But they watched, the small group of men and women well hidden in the forest on the outskirts of the town. They saw her leave.
"Where will she go next?" The voice came from up a tree. Jamin spared him a flick of the eys, then returned his attention to the girl. It hadn't taken them long to find her in the next town she'd chosen, but then they'd left a tail on her, mixed in with the flux of people out of the city.
"Not another town. She'll try her chance on the road. Fewer humans." But she wouldn't last long. Gunpowder always caused a fever in the wounded. It always proved fatal without treatment. So she'd try to find help, maybe. She was fast losing her trust of humans. He smiled as she shifted her pack on her shoulders, then made for the forest path.
"Half of you go back. Jenner, you go with them. We don't need as many people now." The woman nodded, then split those who did not know the forest from the group.
"I'll see you back at base soon, sir." The implicit faith in his ability to bring the beastling in, and in a state they could work with was clear, and he found reassurance in it.
"Yes." She disappeared into the town with her group. Jamin turned to the men he was left with.
"Next part of the plan. Chase her down."
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Beastling : Chapter 9Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,049 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Specifics
I'm not sure about signed the release. Maybe signaled or indicated or implied?1.
2.
3. The middle sentence here feels a bit too out of place/ fragmented. I think you could cut it and the two remaining lines would work nicely.
4.
Overall
This chapter has a lovely pace and we can really feel Linna's determination and it makes for a nice contrast with the almost laziness/ careless attitude of the woman stalking her. The Man's small prick of uncertainty at the end is nice - the fact that the woman's confidence in him makes him feel reassured shows us that he might have needed to be reassured and he definitely strikes me as the more calculating and measured of the two. There's a nice subtle difference in their characters and that's good because from Linna's perspective we've only seen that they're both amused by the thrill of chasing her, but from his point of view, we know that more rests on it than that.
I don't have much more to say about this chapter so best of luck and I'll try to give you some more overall thoughts when I review chapter 9 since it's your final installment for the moment!
Ohai Xilla,
You must be sick of me by now! But this is your last posted chapter so you will finally be done with me!
"Of drums" is unnecessary in that first sentence. In your third last sentence, you need to put a comma after "with" because the sentence was super confusing each time I tried to read it.
I'm glad we jumped time here and didn't bother trying to follow her on the road or through forests or anything, you needed the pace to keep moving quickly and confidently and you've done that. I'm particularly pleased with how easily you manage to slip the key details in here. Jenner is shooting at her particularly, she feels her laughter, the pleasure she's getting from the chase. I'd like to think that Linna thought ahead and had more than one hat or something to help cover her ears, but maybe she didn't think that far when escaping in the first place.
If you decide to shift the pace after this, I hope we won't stay too bogged in Linna's thoughts, which is where you could go wrong. Having this strong beginning can lead to some swift but interesting pace changes in the forest. A combination of being chased and finding a safe haven. They haven't given her enough reason to go after them and alter their abominable regime yet, so I can only assume they will capture her and make her life awful first.
You've kept the tone and the voice of this very well through all of your chapters and I'm glad it's not slipping as you continue, that's something I think sometimes happens when writing novels, you lose track of who your voice is and what they sound like. Not here though! Nice work!
As always, thanks for this! I look forward to your next chapter.
<3
ofc they're capturing her and making her life awful first~
uh, the next chapter might be slightly in her thoughts, but I haven't completely finished it yet >.>
I'm pretty sure you've familiarized yourself with my style of review so here I go!
First, the suggestions;
Spoiler
Here you can use other word to refer to "woman" since it's redundant.
Anyway, is this the the lady who visited the shop?! :O I might be mistaken though.
"Her voice was soft and soothing." I don't see the need of breaking it down unless you want to give a poetic effect, which is not the case here.
"...trickled down them."
I don't understand this one. It hits the wall but she feels the pain? How is it so? I hope you can explain this.
Who's "him"? What is "eys"? I think it's "eyes".
"...of..." doesn't sound right, better change with "on".
Now, to the plot, characters, and settings;
The plot - dayyum! This is heart-racing, gut-churning chapter! Linna is being chased and the hunt is started! I like how you manage to describe the chase well, and how it succeeds on bring suspense to the readers. Not only that, the stakes are taken into higher level with Linna having actual damage that is proved to be lethal. It just makes us want to know what would happen next - would she get caught? Would she be healed? She wouldn't die, that's for sure.
The characters - Linna impresses me this time. Her determination is just so solid and boundless, and her survival instinct is worthy of admiration. She doesn't give up although everything is turned against her, and I like it. I hope it worths it, the efforts she has made to get away from those humans. Jenner is proven to be as sadistic as her superior, and they're both have earned my hatred to them. I feel like they're being portrayed well as villains here. The part about Jenner enjoying it gives us a clue on her personality - kudos!
The settings - it's nice, not too much descriptions to describe them, just enough dose to give us an imagery of the surrounding. I like the part about Linna's heartbeat, it just shows how anxious she is in that situation. I don't have much to say here, except maybe you can be give a bit more details about "ramshackle buildings". It's fine as it is, though.
That is all! Keep up the good job!